Whatever You Want To Be

Therapy

Winston's POV

I have to tell them the truth. It could be the only thing keeping Monty from being locked up for life. I need to talk to him again.

I don't really understand myself right now. I barely know Monty. I shouldn't be this attached, this clingy. I shouldn't have a say in anything. Jesus, it's not like we're boyfriends. I must really be desperate for attention or friendship, probably both. For once in my life, I've been able to think about someone other than myself, and it feels fucking amazing.

I'm not exactly your most outgoing guy. It's easy for me to hold a conversation sure, but talking to someone is different than actually having a connection with someone. In friend groups and cliques, I always found myself being last. The last person they would want to talk to. The, "oh, I guess we could invite Winston" afterthought. The one who's lunch table seat was always saved for someone else they liked more.

After my experiences with those types of people, it became harder and harder for me to trust anyone enough, so I just gave up all together.

I enjoy my alone time as much as the next person, but I hadn't realized how lonely I'd been until Purcell's party. It was nice being able to talk to someone completely new for once. It's pathetic really, latching onto someone just because they've kissed me a couple times. I sighed to myself. I'm a mess.

Monty needs me right now, but once I help him, I've got to let him go. He doesn't need me to be a burden to him, which I'll most likely become, seeing as I'm already relying on him to be a source of comfort for me. Monty doesn't need that. It'll just be another weight on top of his shoulders. I would honestly be better off without him too.

Yup. Better off. I don't need him. I do not need Monty.

INFO: Monty is being held in prison until his trial for Bryce's murder. Until then, he will be kept in prison serving time for the rape of Tyler.

Any sort of resolve I had made against Monty in my mind completely dissolved the second our eyes met from behind the glass. We picked up our respective phones at the same time, both of us not knowing when to talk. "Hey," I ended up starting first. "Hey," Monty replied. He was avoiding looking at me. I cleared my throat a little bit and his eyes flicked up for a split second.

After a pause I started to talk again. "Monty we have to tell them." Monty almost seemed to flinch at the sentence. I took a deep breath preparing myself to say what I knew he didn't want to hear. Someone's got to do it though.

"Monty. This is the only way. Whatever the fuck Ani told the cops was apparently very convincing. If we don't come clean, you're spending the rest of your life in jail. You know how loaded Bryce's family is. They are going to take you down, full on shark mode, and you won't be able to do anything about it unless you tell them the truth." Monty stared at the surface below him. "I know," he replied quietly.

"Monty, I know how hard this is for you, but please, please you have to do this. I don't want you to spend the rest of your life in prison." I was pleading with him now. Monty waited before speaking again. "What's the point?" Monty asked in a gruff voice. "What?"

"I said, what's the point? I literally have no future anyway. Do you think anyone would want to hire a convicted rapist and suspected murderer for a job? Do you think I'll even have a bed to sleep in at night? Food to eat? Do you think my dad will just open up his nice, warm, loving arms to me? I fucking came out to him!"

"Watch the volume!" a guard barked at him.

Monty lowered his voice and looked me dead in the eye. "He will kill me if I ever get out. My life is probably better off spent in prison anyway." "Don't say that Monty." He sat back in his chair, clearly giving up. I didn't mean to anger him.

"Do it for me okay? How will I get laid without you?" Monty smirked. My attempt to lighten the mood had surprisingly worked. "Is it really that hard for you to get some? That shit's sad," Monty said while shaking his head. He was going along with the joke. "What can I say, I'm hard to handle."

"Fuck, Winston. Let me just accept the prison life."

"Nope."

"C'mon, I'll let you visit me whenever you want."

"I'll visit you whenever I want outside of jail."

"I can't just be like 'I'm... gay. There's your proof.'"

He just said he was gay. My smile widened, but I have to keep my cool. Don't make it a big deal. "Practice in front of a mirror," I shrugged.

"You forget about the living situation?"

"Serve your time. Get out. Go to therapy. Show proof of therapy to employer. Get hired. Make money. Live your life."

"How the fuck will I get money for therapy? Also why the fuck would I go to therapy? Therapy is fucking gay." A loud buzzer rang throughout the visiting area, indicating that our time was up. "I think we're going to need to set up another meeting time," I said chuckling.

A/N: i think Monty still needs some help with the whole likes boys thing.