Whatever You Want To Be

Leaving

Winston's POV

Oh shit. I quickly started trying to correct whatever I did wrong. "Oh my god, I'm sorry I pushed you away. I like kissing you a lot! I just needed to breathe!" I rushed. Tears fell onto Monty's lap as he whispered "I know." I looked at him earnestly, not knowing how to respond. "I didn't stop," he said quietly. "What?" I questioned, not understanding his words. "I didn't stop! You couldn't breathe, and I didn't stop."

"Monty it's okay, I'm okay."

"No it's not okay, because I'm a living piece of shit and you're a living miracle!" He threw up his hands as he said it. Monty's voice raised to full level, catching me off guard. I made the mistake of flinching. His eyes saddened so much seeing that from me.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Monty was always apologizing to me, and he didn't seem the type to apologize to anyone. I opened my mouth to comfort him, but before I could, Monty abruptly stood up. This was becoming a common theme, Monty cutting off my words. I wasn't going to let it happen again, not today at least. He started walking towards the door. I grabbed him by the shoulders and whipped him around to face me. "I want you to stay." I used my eyes as reassurance. Before Monty could cut me off again, I leaned forward to gently press my lips against his.

He let his eyes close for a brief moment before pulling away. "I can't," he said. "Yes you can," I urged. He put more distance between us by stepping back towards the front door. "I shouldn't have come here." I started to step closer to him, but what he said next shocked me to the core.

"I raped someone."

I froze. "What?" It came out as less than a whisper, and I'm sure only I could hear it. My mouth hung open as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't even notice them until I felt one fall close to my mouth. Monty's eyes were anywhere but me. After what felt like a lifetime of silence, his eyes found their way to mine. "I warned you." His voice broke as he said it. All I heard after that was the quiet click of the door as Monty left. I'm pretty sure I stood in that spot for minutes, staring at the spot where Monty had just stood. Staring at the door, that he had just walked through.

Monty's POV

For a second, sitting next to Winston, I wanted to tell him about everything. My dad, Bryce. I stopped because if I told him, I would've dragged him into my huge, broken, mess. Winston would forever be tainted by me in the worst way. I had to make sure he would stay away from me. I need him to hate me so that I can protect both of us.

It's unfair for me to like him, when I don't deserve anything. It's unfair of me to make him fall for me, when I can only make his life worse. Its unfair that my dad is a lunatic, and would murder me if he found out. Its unfair to Winston, that I feel the need to hide him out of shame. It's unfair to him that I take advantage of his kindness, and cry on his couch. It's unfair, that despite knowing the pain I could cause him, I still like him, so fucking much.

It's unfair, that Winston makes me forget, only for me to wake up and remember.

Telling him about Tyler was the only way to ensure he wouldn't go after me. I realized that Winston was gonna get hurt either way. All because he met me. I hate myself for believing, even if it was only for a minute, that I could've had him. Why did Winston have to make me feel? It would honestly be better for everyone if I just disappeared.

"Police! Put your hands in the air!" I did what I was told, already knowing what was happening. The blue and red lights were almost surreal. "You are being charged with the rape of Tyler Down! You have the right to remain silent! Anything you say can, and will be used against you in the court of law!" The police officer started yelling me my rights, giving me a headache with all his shouting. "How is it that I get arrested when my dad beats me?" I questioned. I was ignored. Of course.

Handcuffs were secured on my wrists, and I was shoved into the back of a cop car. The only thing I could think about the entire ride to the station, was Winston. He smiled a lot more when we first met.

(edited)