Whatever You Want To Be

Speak

Winston's POV

I am a terrible person.

There is no other reasonable explanation for me still wanting to see Monty. What the fuck is wrong with me? Monty is a rapist. I should hate him. But why do I just want to talk to him? A part of me needed to hear him out, find out why he did it. I just know there's something deep down in Monty that's good. There has to be. I better be right, or else I would've been giving all this thought to virtually nothing.

My brain is literally so ridiculous. I shouldn't want this. Yet here I stood, outside the local station. I had texted Monty and called him multiple times, telling him I wanted to talk. Finally, I got an answer, not from Monty, but from some old guy. "We have just arrested Montgomery De La Cruz. Are you family of his?" "Uh. No. I'm a... close family friend.." The cop sighed saying, "We couldn't reach Montgomery's father. If you're 18, do you mind coming in?"

"I'm 18." And with that, I hung up the phone and got in my car. As I pulled up to the building, I could see all the deputies eyeing my ride, then eyeing me. I rolled my eyes, knowing how much of a trust fund I looked like. As I got out of my car, I contemplated whether I should actually do this or not. This brings me back to where I was, standing outside the station.

I gave myself a pep talk. "Monty needs you. He has no one. Be there for him." I took a deep breath and walked in. Stepping to the front desk, I spoke to the receptionist saying "My name is Winston Williams, and I'm here on behalf of Monty-er- Montgomery De La Cruz." "ID please." She gave me a once over and phoned a Deputy Standall. The two conversed quietly on the phone for a second before the front desk lady pointed to a seat saying, "Wait there for a minute. The deputy will come get you when he's ready."

I probably sat there for like 2 minutes before 'Deputy Standall' came to get me. He must not be very busy I guess. "Nice to meet you Mr. Williams. We spoke on the phone," he said as he started to extend his hand. I took it, shaking it with uncertainty. Probably not the best first impression. "If you will follow me."

I was led into an interrogation room where I saw him. My breath caught in my throat as I saw Monty in handcuffs. "We'll let you two speak for a bit before I give you the information we know. I'll be right out here if you need anything." "Thanks," I replied, not really paying attention to him. I swung open the heavy door, and Monty lifted his head to see me. "You weren't supposed to come after me."

"I know, but I'm here anyway." There was a long pause while Monty stared down at the table, putting his hands in his lap. "Why did you do it?" I asked gently. "I'm so fucked up Winston, you have no idea. I'm fucking dangerous." I just looked at him, even though he wasn't looking back. Why do I feel this way about him? Out of every person in this world, I chose him.

God only knows why, but I did. I chose him, and I'm not backing out now. Fuck anyone who says feelings cant progress this fast. It might be unrealistic and dangerous, but when you're falling in love, you fall. Hard.

"Are you sorry?" "What?" Monty finally looked up at me. "For what you did. Are you sorry?" I repeated. "Fuck, of course I am. I wish everyday that I didn't do it." I urged his eyes to meet mine. "Monty. It shows something, you feeling remorse. You made a mistake. You've been raised by violence, that's not your fault. There is no excuse for what you did, and it will be so, extremely hard to come back from this, but you are a human being. Tyler is a human being. I am a human being. We can't control the circumstances we're put in, but those circumstances teach us lessons. We all mess up, some more severe than others. You've learned that what you did is wrong, and that's the first step. Okay?"

"Winston," he whispered. "What?" I whispered back. "Why are you still here, with me?" I let out a breath. "I don't know." I searched Monty's eyes with my own. "I-I think I'm- "

"Okay! Let's talk about this." Wow Deputy Standall. Fucking mood killer. I could tell Monty was thinking the same thing by the way he was glaring at him. "As you already know," he gestured towards Monty, "You have been arrested for the alleged rape of Tyler Down. We will be providing you an attorney, seeing as you're financially unable to." Monty shook his head, looking down at the table. "Also, as of now," Deputy Standall's face became more serious, "You are the main suspect in the murder case of Bryce Walker."

"Bullshit! You think I fucking murdered him?!" Deputy Standall held up a hand to Monty's face, signaling for him to stop. "For now, you will be held in the jail until further information is given about your trial." The Sheriff started to escort Monty out of the room, but I stopped him. "Can I just have a moment please?" I'm pretty sure the only reason they let me keep talking to him was out of pity, but that didn't matter.

"Monty please speak to me. Just tell me something. You can't leave like this." Monty looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I have no future, my dad beats me, Bryce dying was one of the worst things that's ever happened to me, and meeting you was the best thing that's ever happened to me," he rushed. "I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, and-," Monty inhaled deeply before continuing. "-and I like you. A lot."

Saying those words meant so much to me and Monty. Monty could barely look at me after we had kissed for the first time, so him admitting his feelings to a boy, was a huge step. Then a voice interrupted the room. "I'm sorry sir, but we really need to take him now." I nodded, staring into Monty's eyes one more time.

"Thank you," I said, mainly to myself. Monty may never know how much he's touched my life. He made me realize how it felt to really care for someone, how to understand, and how to listen. It was weird how I ended up learning from Monty, and I hope that I've been able to do the same for him.

That night, I laid in my bed, trying not to think about how Monty raped that poor guy. It was bad. I know it was bad, and I hated envisioning it. I directed my attention towards Monty's involvement of the murder, as a way to think about something else. That's when I started to recall details of Bryce's murder. I remember it being on the news, and the newscasters talking about how it happened the night of the homecoming game. It dawned on me that Monty couldn't possibly be charged for Bryce's murder, because he had the most air tight alibi.

Me.

(edited)