Just Love Me

Chapter 20: Letters & Dreams

Chapter 20

"Why do I feel so empty? / I'm crying out for some stability" Destiny Child - Through With Love

What do I do now?

I know that I'm not supposed to be bleeding.

I washed my hands and left the bathroom in a daze. Intense cramps continued to attack my lower back and abdomen. Slightly worse than any I've ever had during a menstrual cycle.

I sat on the bed with my hands resting on my lap. Panic and urgency hadn't hit me yet. Even though I wanted the pain to go away, I was afraid to take aspirin or ibuprofen. It might make it worse. I think.

This was a perfect reason why I never wanted to venture into motherhood. Most people would know what do to and be following through on some action plan.

Standing up, I stretched then walked back downstairs to the kitchen for the house phone. Scrolling through the caller-id, I finally found the number I was looking for.

"Elle? Is everything alright?"

"Hey Auntie Sonya." I bit my lip.

"Why didn't you come to work today? I called you a dozen times this morning."

"I'm sorry, I had an appointment to go to. I didn't expect it to take all day."

"You should have called to tell me you'd be out. There was a line in the reception area of high school girls waiting to speak with you."

Hearing that made me feel a little guilty that I wasn't there for those young ladies who I know look to me for guidance and advice. Even though, I'm probably the worst role model at the moment.

"Elle, I don't want to put you back on probation but your attendance is an issue. You haven't been meeting with your nutrition clients. They've called and complained. Two of them have stopped coming to the-"

"Okay, okay but I have a hypothetical question. What if a woman is having vaginal bleeding? What should she do?"

Auntie Sonya sighed before answering, "Do you mean a period? It's after eleven at night, I hope you didn't call to tell me a joke."

"No, not like a period. If someone is pregnant and they start bleeding," I clarified.

"It depends on the amount of blood and if it's thick clots or light spotting. It'll also depend on how far along the woman is. Why? - Wait. Are you with Taylor right now? Are you telling me Taylor is pregnant and bleeding? Oh my goodness. Brielle, take her down to the hospital right now."

"No, Auntie. Taylor is fine."

"Thank the lord," she exhaled. "So, why are you asking me these crazy questions?"

"I'm pregnant alright," I answered impatiently. I get so sick of repeating the same thing over to different people. "Although, I don't know for how much longer. I'm bleeding and I don't know what to do."

"I'll call Paulina, the obstetrician at the center. Can you drive? If not, I can come by and pick you up." Auntie Sonya's words came out in an alarmed rush.

"I think I can still drive."

"Great. I will be at the center in ten minutes to open the building. Call me if you need anything else."

I thanked Auntie Sonya then ended the call. Grabbing my keys off the counter, I left the house. Inside my car, I laid my head on my steering wheel for a moment.

My emotions were mixed.

Backing out my driveway, I sped down the street. I never wanted to have child or experience pregnancy and I damn sure didn't want to do any of this alone.