Welcome to Wonderland

Chapter Nine

~Feliciano~

"Welcome to wonderland." Otto says with a sad face.

I stare at him blankly. I didn't know what else to do. There was nothing to do.

This wasn't the wonderland I remembered.

This place was a bare wasteland, it was grey, and dark, and scary. Thick grey clouds blocked the sun, making the air tense, and dark.

This wasn't wonderland.

There was no color, not joy, no liveliness.
No wonder.

I couldn't see how this was the same place from my childhood, there was just no way.

"This... This can't be right..." I mumble as a wrap my arms around myself in an attempt to comfort the rising sadness in my chest.

"It is though..." Otto says softly, "That's why we needed you here."

"So I could see... This?"

"No," Roland says with a bit of hope, "so you can fix it!"

"Fix it?" I shake my head, "I can't fix this."

"But you can!" he urges, "You made this place, of course you can fix it!"

I looked at him in disbelief, "I-I can't."

I watched my feet as they sank into the grey, dead grass. The strands bent under the weight, breaking with small cracks Everytime I shifted.

I kept comparing the dying grass to the grass in Ludwig's garden. Healthy and green. Soft to the touch and smelling earthy and nice.

Nothing like here.

It made me feel helpless. These people wanted my help and I dont know how to give them what there want. I felt pathetic.

"Feliciano," a gentle voice cooed to me as hands held mine. I look up into a pair of green eyes.

Roland.
I tensed at his sudden close proximity.

"I know you think this is impossible," Roland says softly. I can't remember someone talking to me this soft since Elizabeta comforted me on the day we got the news about Otto.

"I know it seems hard, but you're our only hope." He smiles sweetly showing perfectly white teeth, "Our home is dying, and you're the only one that can fix it."

I looked away from him, away from everyone. My face gets warmer as tears line my eyes.

They wanted my help. They needed my help.

But I just couldn't help.

I don't know how. I'm just a stupid boy. I haven't really had to do anything important in my whole life.

Cleaning, cooking, and studying.

Not ideal skills to save a while world.

"I... I." My voice shook making me stutter. "I-I'm sorry."
I couldn't bare to look at him. Or anyone else. I knew what I'd see.

Disappointment.

Eyes full of sadness and disappointment. Maybe anger too.
Disappointed with me.
Disappointed at the loss of their home.
And was my fault.

I couldn't bare it.

"I'm so sorry." I close my eyes and let a warm tear flow aver my flushed face, "I can't help..."

I pull my hands from his and step back. The grass crunches under my feet making my heart ache even more.
"I really want to, but I just..." I wipe my tear stained face, "I don't know how, I haven't even believed in this place since I was a kid."

It was quiet, and it scared me.

I didn't dare look up from the ground.

"I want to go home." I say quietly, and back up even farther, more tears falling from my eyes, "Please just let me go home."

"Feli," Otto sighs, "you can't go home till wonderland is better."
I shake my head trying not to let the truth of those words set in.

"No... No..." I mumble, "I want to go home. To my brother, and Ludwig, and Miss Elizabeta, and- and"

"Then help-" Allen tried to speak up in an annoying tone.

"No!" I snap loudly. My voice echoed through the woods, "Take me home! Right now!"

"We can't!"

"Try!" I had finally gotten mad enough to look up. My face was twisted in a sadness and anger as tears fell from my eyes.

Just as I thought everyone looked upset, and a little mad.
"You brought me here, you take me back!"

"Stop overreacting!" Allen snaps annoyed, "We said we can't, just get over it and help is already?"

I felt my blood boil.
I bit my lip, and clenched my fists.
Why didn't they understand that I can't help them?

"Fine," I spit, my voice laced with venom, "If you won't take me home, I'll find my own way back."

I began stomping off down the path, knocking my shoulder against Otto's roughly.
He grabbed my wrist, and I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder.

"Feli, please." He says with a pleading look, "We need you."

I pull my arm from his with a swift jerk, "And I needed you!"
I point an accusing finger at him.

"I spent months crying for you when I heard the news!" My voice was cold and tears flowed freely, "I was so lost without you! I spent everyday blaming myself because I thought I could have done something different!"

He looks away with sad blue eyes.

"I loved you..." my voice dies down, all the venom gone and replaced my sadness, "I loved you more than anything, but you left me... You ran away to this place, and didn't even let me know..."

"I..." He tried to grasp words, but he couldn't seem to.

"You chose to leave me," I tell him, "This is me choosing to move on."

With that I turned and left.
I walked down the messy path, not knowing where I was going, just walking.

I heard Otto call out to me, telling me to come back, and my heart leaped.
I wondered if this is what it was like for him when he left me.

I shake away the thought.
Of course it wasn't. He didn't have a heart break to tear him up inside, or to make him scared of staying.

He didn't go through it like I had.

I wipe my tears with my sleeve and keep walking. I wanted to go home, and I wasn't going to let those people hold me back.

This world wasn't my responsibility. My responsibility was back at home. With Lovino, and Ludwig, and my friends.

I had nothing here to hold me.