Belle Ame: A Beautiful Soul (DS Auxiliary)

Chapter Four

Chapter Four

"GOOD evening, Mr. Delos Santos!"

Saglit ko lang na sinulyapan ang asawa kong kapapasok pa lang ng opisina ko. Ibinalik ko agad ang pansin sa kontratang binabasa ko pagkatapos.

"Ang sungit naman," nakatawang sabi niya at saka umupo sa harap ng lamesa ko. "Your day didn't go well as planned, huh?"

Nanatili akong tahimik. Kilala naman ako ng asawa ko. When I don't respond, she knew there's a lot of things I need to process with myself.

"Let me guess," patuloy niyang pagsasalita. I know her, too. She won't stop talking. "Hindi mo nakausap si Bari dahil halatang iniiwasan ka niya ngayong araw. Hindi mo din nakausap si Sandro dahil blocklisted ka sa contacts niya. At lalong hindi mo din nakausap si Blair dahil pinagtataguan ka ng bunso mo."

I sighed, my eyes still on the contract I'm "reading". Kanina pa 'ko paulit-ulit sa pagbabasa ng isang clause. My mind can't process it because I'm fully distracted with the confirmation of how much my children hated me. Dati ko pang alam, ngunit ngayon ko lang purong naramdaman.

And I don't want to admit it but... what if suddenly I'll have my heart attack and I can't even say my regrets and ask forgiveness from my children?

I'm still alive but I'm living with regrets today. I don't want to die with it.

"Ang anak natin, iniiwasan ka dahil pulos lang daw kayo pagtatalo kapag nagkakaharap kayo. At saka ikaw naman kasi, harap-harapan mong ipinapakita ang disgusto mo sa girlfriend niya. Hindi mo pa nga nakikilala ang batang iyon. Czarina's adorable. And our son loves Czarina, and when you say bad things against his girlfriend, talagang iiwasan ka ni Bari kaysa marinig niya ang pangba-bash mo."

Bakit ba ayaw maniwala ni Ibarra na malakas ang kutob kong sasaktan lang siya ng babaeng kinalolokohan niya? I just have this strong gut feeling against that woman. My son is a Delos Santos. Men in our clan tend to fall in love madly, deeply, and insanely with women who can hurt them with the same intensity.

Pinoprotektahan ko lang ang anak ko. Dahil hindi ko siya nagawang protektahan mula sa sarili ko noon, kahit man lang sa babaeng mamahalin niya, magawa ko iyon ngayon.

Ibarra already suffered because he grew up under my manipulation. I don't want him to be with a woman who will continue to make him suffer. He deserves better.

"And Sandro... well, you don't expect him to be instantly pleasant towards you. Give him time."

May naramdaman akong pagkuyom sa dibdib ko. Sa tuwing nagpag-uusapan si Alessandro, ganito ang palaging nararadaman ko. The mention of my second son's name makes me harder to breathe every damn second of my life.

"Huwag mo rin madaliin ang mga bagay-bagay kay Blair..." Aya stopped for a while. That little silenced said a lot of things about my shortcomings as a father to my youngest one.

"Magpapakita naman siya kapag may kailangan siya sa'yo. Take advantage of that to talk to her when she comes asking for money."

Aya reached for my hand and gently tapped it. "Hayaan mo muna sila ngayon, Santi. Do some other things from the list we made before you die."

The stupid fucking list. Na kung hindi lang siya ang may gawa ay pinagpupunit-punit ko na!

Binawi ko ang mga kamay ko sa kanya. I shifted my eyes to my computer and tried to answer some emails that came from important people.

I heard her chuckled. "Ang sungit talaga! Pasalamat ka talaga sa Diyos dahil mahal kita."

I kept my face straight. All the rejections I gave to my children was now thrown at me. And I can't complain because it was all my fault! Ngayong mamamatay na 'ko, hindi ko pa rin masabi sa kanila dahil kahit isang segundo, hindi nila gustong ibigay para makinig sa'kin.