Things I Almost Remember: A Selection Story

Open Hearts

A knock came at the door. Kate was sitting on an upholstered sofa in her guest suite and staring off into empty space, her eyes still red and puffy from crying. Elodie, who had been sitting next to her, stood up to go and answer the door. When she opened it, she was surprised to see General Leger.

"Your Highness, may I come in? I wish to speak with Princess Kerttu," General Leger said with a bow. 

Kate stood up upon seeing him and walked over the door.

"General Leger, please just call me Kate," she said quietly, wrapping her robe more tightly around the nightgown Elodie had let her borrow. 

"As you wish, Kate," General Leger said, stepping into the room "There is something I wish to tell you that I think you should know."

"If it is about Connor and," Kate took in a breath before continuing. "And Johnny, I really do not want to hear it. I want nothing to do with them."

"It is not about Connor or Johnny. It is about your grandparents, both of your grandparents," General Leger said, looking over at Elodie. 

"Let's sit," Elodie said, motioning to the seating area where she and Kate had just been sitting. "I'll have some more tea sent for as well."

Elodie gestured for one of her maids to come over, and Kate and General Leger sat on the couch.

"So what is this about?" Kate asked. She appreciated the distraction from the feelings she was trying so hard to repress, but she was also confused about why a story about her grandparents would come up at such a time. 

"Did you know that your grandfather almost picked and married another girl during his Selection?" General Leger asked.

Kate was taken aback by the question. It was certainly not what she had expected him to say. Based on the look on Elodie's face, Kate guessed it was not what she had expected either.

"I think my dad mentioned it once," Elodie said, joining them in the sitting area after sending her maid for more tea. "But then, then when the rebels attacked, he realized he wanted to be with our grandma."

"That is correct," General Leger said, looking uncharacteristically nervous. "I think the part of the story neither of you was likely ever told was that it was my fault that your grandfather nearly made that decision."

Kate remembered in that moment what General Leger had said while they were still in Illéa, that he and her grandmother had dated.

"How?" Elodie asked, looking confused and glancing at Kate to see if she was as bewildered.

"He found out about you, didn't he?" Kate whispered, looking straight at General Leger.

"What do you mean?" Elodie asked. Her expression grew more and more confused as she looked back and forth between Kate and General Leger.

"Elodie, I am not sure if you know this, but I was a guard at the palace during your grandfather's Selection," General Leger said, drawing in a breath. "And before that, I lived in Carolina in the same town as your grandmother, and we dated. We dated right up until the Selection. I broke up with her because I was poor and of a lower caste and did not want to make her life harder. We both came from poor families, but mine was destitute. I thought I had made the biggest mistake letting her go as soon as she left for the Selection, and then when I was drafted to be a guard at the palace, I decided to do everything I could to try to win her back."

"What?!" Elodie gaped, her mouth falling open. Kate just stared, her eyes wide. 

"You wanted to win her back? I thought you said that my grandparents belonged together," Kate said.

"I learned that, later on. I met Lucy, and America became closer to Maxon. It is a long story. However, there is one part of it that I think you really need to hear, Kate," General Leger said as the maid returned with tea along with a plate of scones. Elodie quickly poured herself a cup and helped herself to a scone, preparing herself for the rest of the story.

"By the end of Maxon's Selection, I knew I wanted to be with Lucy, and America knew she wanted to be with Maxon. However, throughout the process, America and I had met in secret. No one knew, especially Maxon. I think he had his suspicions something was distracting America, but he always saw the best in others, gave them the benefit of the doubt," General Leger said, reaching to pour himself a cup of tea. "We were never caught, but on the day when your grandfather was going to announce his engagement to your grandmother, Maxon caught us in an embrace. There was a misunderstanding and America was just assuring me of what was going on between her and your grandfather, but it was enough. He realized what was going on and discovered that we had been lying to him for months and hiding secrets."

"Was he angry?" Kate asked quietly.

"To say he was furious would be an understatement," General Leger said with a humorless laugh. "We tried to explain, but he wouldn't hear it. He was willing in a moment of anger to forget every good thing he had with your grandmother. He knew he loved her and not the other girl, but he was willing at first to give away a lifetime of happiness for a lie. What we did was wrong, believe me, I know that, but it was a major decision of him to make in anger. It was not until lives were at stake that he made the decision to choose forgiveness and be with the person who he truly loved. Your grandparents had to have a brush with death in order to realize they were meant to be together, even with the obstacles they had faced and would face."

Kate and Elodie both stared at him, too stunned to speak. 

"Your grandfather remains one of the best and most kind and compassionate people I have ever known, I see a lot of him in you Kate," General Leger said pointedly. "If you don't mind me saying, in addition to having those qualities, I think you both also share a trait of making quick major decisions when you feel afraid, vulnerable or hurt. However, I think your big hearts also give you both the ability to forgive those you truly love."

Kate stared at her feet for a long moment before speaking.

"You think I should forgive Johnny, don't you? Kate asked, her eyes still trained on the floor.

"Kate, you have become very guarded from the hardships you have faced, I have seen it since we first met again in Illéa," General Leger said. "You are not the same person you were as a little girl. However, I think that side of you is still there because I have seen it when you are around Johnny."

"He lied to me. None of it was real. Not for him, anyway," Kate muttered, tears appearing in her eyes again.

"I think it was very real, and I think deep down you think so too," General Leger said. "You cannot fake the love that young man has for you."

At that moment, Kate's fears spilled out, and Elodie came over and wrapped her arms around her cousin.

"I love him too," Kate said, wiping at her tears. "I love him so much, but I can't keep getting hurt. I can't open myself to someone and then find out it has all been fake or a lie or wrong. I just can't."

"Kate, in order to love, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable," General Leger said taking her hand. "Your heart has to be fully open, and that means leaving it open to experience both love and hurt. You cannot have one without the other."

"But all I have ever felt is the hurt," Kate said.

"It is time that you allow yourself to feel love again," Elodie said.