Strings Attached

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

I woke up in a haze, haunted by the events from the previous night. Careful not to make a sound, I turned towards Isabelle and saw that she was fast asleep, appearing calm and relaxed. I could almost imagine what it would feel like if she opened her eyes and greeted me with a smile on her face. But then, that image got replaced by a flashback from the moment when she flinched away from my kiss and I was reminded that it would be a long time before Isabelle demonstrated any signs of trust and affection towards me. I exhaled; that painful lump of regret still squeezing my throat and making it difficult to breathe.

The intoxicating scent of spring slowly awakened my senses and tempted me to pull her closer to myself despite the fact that I knew my attentions were much too premature and unwanted. After what I had found out last night, I couldn't blame Isabelle for being wary and mistrusting. Between all the suffering both her mother and myself had put her through, she had every right to be cautious. Nevertheless, it didn't make it any less difficult or painful. Fighting the urge to touch her and demonstrate that I could be as gentle and patient as she needed me to, I got out of bed and hurried into the bathroom.

The cold shower I took did very little to sober up my mind and make me focus on the importance of the upcoming meeting. Despite the fact that millions of dollars were at line if the negotiations didn't go right, all I could think about was what I could do to make Isabelle more relaxed in my presence. I wanted her to enjoy this trip and for once feel happy and carefree. I contemplated on ordering flowers for her while I would be gone, but decided against it, realizing she might take it the wrong way. What I needed to do was respect her state of mind and keep my distance, but it wasn't going to be easy. Whenever she was near me, I wanted to come closer. Nevertheless, I wasn't determined not to take any risks and do something stupid that would drive her even further away from me.

As I quickly got dressed in the bedroom, my eyes kept glancing towards the sleeping beauty on the bed. Even after I put on my suit and was ready to go, I found myself sitting on a chair opposite from the bed and staring at her. I got a message that the car was waiting for me downstairs, but I still couldn't bring myself to walk away and leave her there all by herself. It wasn't just because I was drawn to her like a magnet. I needed to know she was okay. I needed to know she wasn't going to wake up in terror from another nightmare.

But I wasn't going to be selfish and interrupt her sleep. Taking in a deep breath, I told myself that it was time for me to go. I was about to pull out my wallet and leave her a message along with my credit card when—suddenly—her eyes snapped open and connected with mine.

The recognizable look of hurt and numbness in those dark hazel irises cut right into my soul and left me speechless. Trying to come up with words that would lighten up the tense atmosphere and failing at it, I tapped my fingers on the side table behind me in an attempt to chase away this rare feeling of nervousness. She kept staring at me the entire time with that uncertain expression like she was apprehensive of the situation. Say something. Anything.

"I have to go to a meeting," I blurted out in a cold, controlled voice that I used when conducting meetings with clients.

This was not the way I was supposed to be talking to my wife, but what was I supposed to say to her? Reopening the dangerous subject of my feelings towards her was out of the question at the moment even though I was burning to do just that.

"I'll be back around seven. Make sure you're ready for the fundraiser by then." I raised my eyebrows, asking for a confirmation and she nodded in response, still not making a sound.

Opting not to push her to speak, I stood up and reached for my wallet, laying a credit card on the small table. Confusion was visible on Isabelle's face, but—instead of addressing my action—she remained silent and simply looked away from me.