Strings Attached

CHAPTER NINETEEN

The realization that my constant presence and the sudden change of demeanor confused and overwhelmed Isabelle crept up on me after I had witnessed another one of her nightmares. Her undeniable show of fear and mistrust reminded me to take it slow with her and not to rush anything until she developed some faith in me. No matter how hard it was, I backed off and kept my distance. Though I hated being away from her, I was going to The Goliath everyday and I tried not to think of her and focus on work as much as I could.

Despite my efforts, I remained very much attracted to her and I couldn't deny she excited the hell out of me. Whenever she was around, my body responded. There wasn't a question in my mind that I'd never hurt Isabelle, but it was hard to keep my hands away from her. In my mind, she presented the very paradox of the forbidden fruit and the fact that I couldn't touch her only intensified my yearning and desire. That was a major part of why I'd forced myself to stay away. If I tried anything or betrayed my feelings sooner than she was ready to deal with them, there was a possibility it might scare her off and make her pull into herself even more than she already had and I wasn't willing to take that chance.

But my actions differed greatly from my thoughts and I cured the constant arousal I felt in her presence by masturbating under the shower every single day like some kind of a horny teenager. And seeing her in my bed before I went to sleep was pure torture, but I wouldn't let her leave. Instead, I had all of her things brought to the master bedroom. I'd never had to share my space with anyone before and—though I wasn't very fond of the idea—I discovered that I didn't mind sharing it with Isabelle. That came as a real surprise because I preferred order and I always wanted to be the one in control and make sure everything was in its place. I was also quite modern and minimalistic, avoiding colors and kitsch. On the other hand, Isabelle was my very opposite, but I truly didn't give a flying fuck about the messy effect it created to my well organized surroundings. All of the things that were left scattered around the room revealed more of her character to me and I liked what I saw. Judging by her books, ornaments and a even a small doll collection that she had to have taken from Rosemont, she was a gentle artistic soul. And I was pleased with the fact that she felt comfortable enough to taint my space with some of her possessions—especially when I knew she'd failed to do it in her own room. In reality, I knew it was Anne who had arranged these things everywhere to make my wife feel more at ease, but Isabelle didn't remove them and that had to have counted for something.

It meant she'd come to terms with this new situation that she was practically forced into at my request. It was cruel of me to take away that choice from her, but I couldn't let her go. Not even if she pleaded with me to go back to sleeping in separate rooms. Having her next to me at night was the one thing I wasn't willing to give up. Her presence cured my insomnia and in return, I was there to chase away her nightmares. During the nights when she was sick, I kept comforting her after her bad dreams. I'd always pull her close, caress her hair and whisper softly to her, wiping away her tears. It was a terrible thing to admit, but I savored those times when she'd led me hold her in my arms and soothe her. Those moments became so addictive that I came to crave them even though I knew they stemmed from her fear and pain. It was safe to say that I was a heartless bastard, but I started noticing that she was almost starting to relax in my presence. Every night, Isabelle became more and more accustomed to my touch until she didn't even bother to push me away when I'd try to come closer.

But all of that changed when she regained her strength and suddenly, we were back to square one and she returned to being jumpy and apprehensive in my presence. Helen wouldn't leave me at peace and she made me agree to allow her to take Isabelle on a girl's day out. Even though I wasn't convinced she had recovered from the last of her cold, I had to agree if I wanted to keep my sanity intact because Helen started to be a major pain in my ass.