Tainted Love | ✓

Chapter Twenty

even if you hide yourself in paint,

if there lies a rat inside of you,

the rat will come out

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

HOW DID YOU TELL THE PEOPLE YOU LOVED THAT YOU WERE TAINTED?

Mother was curled up in her bed - soft blankets pooling around her waist. She hadn't been awake long; only a few hours, and already she looked exhausted. However, the light had returned in her eyes while father was sat at her side – hand grasping hers. They stared at each other with nothing but warmth and love; whispering hushed murmurs in each other's ears. Usually, I would have been the dramatic one and scolded them to stop being 'lovey-dovey', but I was too engrossed in my thoughts and how I would even go about bringing this up.

After our interaction today – with Toby – I had promised him I would talk with my parents tonight before bringing authoritative figures into the picture. While this was a conversation I didn't want to have, and never should have had in the first place, I knew it had to be done. Even so, my stomach was churning and flipping in nausea. I wouldn't have been surprised if my face was green, and it felt like I was on rocky boat somewhere, in the middle of the ocean, wanting to puke overboard.

My parents were too engrossed in one another to notice how panicked I was. Shifting in the plastic seat, I leaned forward, elbows on knees, while my fingers dug into the roots of my hair, tugging relentlessly. Blinking, I barely noticed when a young nurse entered the room in blue scrubs – serious faced. She made her way over to the small basin, washing her hands at the sink - lost entirely to her thoughts. I made sure to straighten up at her presence, clearing my throat to rid myself of the ever-growing lump. When she turned to face me, her harsh features softened into a gentle smile – one I found myself reciprocating.

She made her way over to mother – taking her pulse, asking a few pointed questions, and keeping her eyes trained on her respiration rate. But their conversation and chatter drifted in one ear and out the other for me – my thoughts too preoccupied to pay attention. I knew I had every reason not to do this, and a soft panic blanketed over me. My nails were bitten down to their quick; edges frayed and uneven.

Involuntarily, a muscle twitched at the corner of my eye – my mouth set in a rigid grimace. My foot tapped with a furious beat against the tiled floor. The weather seemed to reflect the mood I was in. Cascading down from the sky, it pelted down against the windows like it was trying to get inside. Black clouds shadowed the sky, their dark glares draining all colour from the outside. Every few moments, a stillness would fall over the street before a low crackle of thunder would roll out.

I waited until the nurse left the room, shutting the door behind her with a soft click before I cleared my throat – readying myself. Despite my heart pounding against my chest, I sucked in a sharp breath and steadied my gaze on my parents.

"Mom?" I started – my voice all but a mere whisper, "Dad?"

At the sound of my voice, both of their heads whipped up. Matching smiles graced their faces and I knew they were giving me their full attention.

"Sweetheart?" mom murmured, tilting her head to the side – a frown settling on her face as she examined me, "Are you alright? You look a bit pale."

A breathy laugh released past my lips – mother's seemed to have that ability to read right through their children, without us having to even say anything.