Tainted Love | ✓

Chapter Ten

TRIGGER WARNING: CHAPTER CONTAINS MATURE CONTENT THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME INDIVIDUALS (SELF-HARM), PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK AND REMEMBER YOUR MENTAL HEALTH COMES FIRST.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

it's not just the heart,

sometimes your mind breaks as well

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

I BOLTED UPRIGHT IN BED.

With wide, terror filled eyes, I glanced around my empty room in a dazed panic. Gazing down at myself, I let out a deep sigh of relief when I realized I was fully clothed. Small beads of sweat had formed at the top of my forehead, slowly dripping down the sides of my cheeks. I rested my face in my hands, in a futile attempt to calm myself down. Slow images flashed through my mind, reminding me of the events that happened the previous night. Muffled cries and screams filled my head, the sounds coming from far away, as if I was under water. In an attempt to rid myself of my own pleading words, I shook my head from side to side, almost violently, but nothing helped.

A soft knock on the door snatched me out of the nightmare that plagued my mind, and I looked up with a quiet sniffle.

"Breakfast is ready sweetheart," my dad's voice came through the door, "Your mother decided to make some pancakes, so come down before they go cold!"

I cleared my throat, forcing myself to reply chirpy tone, "Sure, I'll be down in a minute!"

With a heavy heart, I waited until I heard his heavy footsteps fade away before I trusted myself to breathe a pained sigh of relief. Pulling the warm covers off me, I slipped out of bed and gently padded over to my bathroom.

The increasing feeling of something pushing against my chest made it hard to even breathe. My shoulders heaved up and down, my body gulping down as much air as it could get. I stood in front of the stained mirror, staring at the image of the girl who I couldn't seem to recognize. My eyes were red-rimmed, and my skin blotchy, like I had spent the entire night crying in my sleep. Despite the warm sun that was shining in through the windows, I felt a icy cold shiver run through me.

Unable to stare at myself any longer, I broke contact. With trembling hands, I reached over to my cabinet and pulled out something I never thought I would touch. The sharp blade glinted under the bright light of my bathroom. My fingers ran over the edges of the old scissors, the cold feeling of the metal seeping into my skin.

Doubt ran through my mind, warning bells blaring. I knew once I started, stopping would be a whole other story. Yet, as the suffocating feeling in my chest expanded, coupled with the flickering images of him, the decision was made almost unconsciously. Like I was being controlled by someone else, the sharpest edge dug into the soft skin of my thighs. I watched as it cut deeper into me, small dark red spots appearing. While my thighs began to burn and the pain grew, the further I went, the more calm I felt inside. I watched with almost emotionless eyes as I began destroying the tainted skin. The noises, the screams and the shouts that were blaring inside of my head, quietened down.

My breathing slowed down, along with my previously racing heart. I pulled scissors away with shaky hands, realization dawning on me, on what I was just after doing. My head hung in shame; I knew if my parent's ever found out what I had just done to myself, the disappointment on their faces would be unbearable.