Being a Mother

Chapter 14: Cars

I was not ready for this meeting. Not ready at all. My palms were sweaty and my breathes were getting shallower. I wiped them on a napkin and twisted in my chair, waiting anxiously. I was outside in the town. We would be in public, in one of our favourite cafés - the lovely costa - because that meant he couldn't beat me.

Yes, I was confronting Daniel. And I was scared.

I sang a bit of 'Life is Now' in my head to calm me. I loved that song! It certainly soothed me, but then I saw that familiar face appear across the street. He was smiling. How could he smile? How could he smile when he had harmed our children? Hitting me was one thing, but I had never even dreamt that he would scar my babies like that... I...

"Morning," he said easily. I tried to reply, but the words got stuck in my throat. I swallowed, and licked my lips.

"Err..." I said. I wasn't supposed to say that! I was supposed to be sophisticated, and a little bit cold, and more importantly the words were actually supposed to come out of my...

Oh. He was staring at me with curiousity. Oh yes. I was supposed to be saying something. I tried again.

"Ahem," I cleared my throat, "It's about Nathan and Fi. And their scars."

He could tell immediately that I knew what had happened. His eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched; he sat down heavily in the door opposite me, and began making excuses.

***

I had zoned out really. I had ordered another hot chocolate (I had gone off coffees) and sipped it, gazing out over the street. Daniel was still talking his dribble in my ear. He had admitted it. I felt nothing towards him at the moment - I was numb.

Then, who should I see, but Mrs Ruchton, and Nathan and Fi?

I leapt out of my seat, spilling my hot chocolate all over Daniel - he deserved it - and ran across the road - nearly getting struck by two cars in the process - and raced across the pavement - knocking over some people on the way - and hugged Fi. She shrieked, but realised who I was and burst out laughing. Nathan pulled free of an alarmed Mrs Ruchton and rushed over to me, where he hugged my legs. I burst out laughing, then I started sobbing. He had a little toy car with him which was digging into my legs, but I didn't care. I couldn't believe it. Mrs Ruchton hurried over, her face one of anger. She pulled Nathan away from me, who then started howling.

"Hey!" I shouted, surprising myself. Mrs Ruchton also looked surprised, her mouth forming a perfect 'o'.

"Don't you dare even try to take my children away from me!" I continued. The people surrounding us were staring, and I saw Daniel crossing the road coming over to us. I put myself in front of Fi, and Mrs Ruchton had Nathan grasped beside her. I reminded myself that she didn't know about Daniel, that she was nearly smitten. Sure enough, she smoothed out her long skirt and adjusted her always perfect posture.

"Maddie," Daniel said smoothly. I nearly burst out laughing. Maddie was a nice name, and it didn't suit Mrs Ruchton's personality at all. She looked distinctly ruffled, and she was glaring at me as if she was daring me to laugh.

I let out a small giggle, just to show her.

She pouted so you could see the mustache even more clearly. I couldn't keep it in, I laughed and Nathan joined in. Only then did I realise that Daniel was talking to 'Maddie' - I don't think Maddie was aware either. He was talking her into letting us be a family again, even if it was just for half an hour. You could see her debating what to do - she wasn't allowed to let us have the children, but Daniel was a charmer.

To my amazement, she agreed. She handed Nathan over to Daniel though, and watched us cross the road back to the café. When she had finally given up spying on us and disappeared into an antiques shop, I snatched Nathan away from Daniel, and held Fi firmly by my side. He held his arms up in surrender.

"Calm down!" he said. Calm down? I thought. Calm down? I scowled at him.

"Mum you can let go," Fi said. I looked down at her. Did she just call me mum? I faltered, and looked at her properly for the first time. She was taller, skinnier still, but most importantly, she wasn't very smiley. I remembered she was eight. Nathan was four. I put Nathan down as well, and looked properly at him too. They had both grown so much. I looked away while tears fell, dripping into my hot chocolate.