Being a Mother

Chapter 8: Scars

PLEASE read any of the books by Takesometime because she is an amazing writer and you will love her :D x

***

My head hurt. A lot. Eye opened my eyes, but the bright light was blinding. I closed them, and waited for my other senses to tell me what was going on. There was a steady bleeping noise by my right ear. There were machines running. People were here. They were couching, talking, crying, and I heard running too.

I slowly opened my eyes, squinting through my eyelashes at first. Then my memories of what had happened came flooding back to me. I sat bolt upright and tubes tugged at my skin. I felt an extreme pain in my head and in my chest - I was wearing a mask. I tried to pull it off, but hands came and pushed me down. The pain stopped me from resisting, so I sunk back down into the bed. The hospital bed.

I liked hospitals. They were clean. The nurses were nice. Doctors figured out what was wrong with people. People offered weak smiles. I suppose, I had never really seen this side of them back then - the emergency rooms, people heavily bandaged rushing past the window, doctors racing to save people's lives. I only saw the polite check up part of them.

As I couldn't move, I thought about what had happened and how I ended up like this. Something wasn't right... I knew there had been a car crash... why had I been in the car? Had I been on my own? Where was Daniel? And Fi? And... Jesus! Fi had been with me!

"Fi!" I tried shouting, but my voice barely came out as a whisper. I tried again. "Where's my daughter?" The nurse was busy, checking the bleeping machine beside me. Maybe she hadn't heard? I gently tugged her uniform. She turned around. She had definitely heard. Her expression was troubled. It told me everything. Fi was gone. My eyes rolled back, and I fainted.

***

I knew what to expect this time. I woke up and let myself adjust, before slowly opening my eyes. The nurse was still there. She looked as though she had been waiting for me for a while. She began before I could start.

"Your daughter isn't dead."

I nearly blacked out again, but this time from relief. I was about to ask when I could see Fi, but she continued.

"She is critically injured though. She has severe head injuries, a three fractured ribs and a broken collar bone," the nurse said sadly. I saw that her name was Kate.

"I..." I began hoarsely. "When can I see her?"

She shook her head. "In your state you won't be moving out of this bed for a while. I can explain what's happened to you if you like."

I nodded.

"You have two fractured ribs, and minor head injuries. The seatbelt caused the damage to your ribs, and the air bag caused the damage to your skull. Without those, however, you wouldn't be alive. The seatbelt also gave you a burn along your neck, too." My hand touched my neck gently. She continued, "Your daughter's head injuries were worse, and she is in a coma at this moment. But she is strong, and the doctors are certain she will pull through."

I was relieved for about a second. Then I asked, "What about Nathan? And how is Abi?"

"Your son will have to be put in social care until you are fit enough to take care of him. And Abi is diabetic. She is fine now, and will be released soon."

I soaked this information in. My daughter and I were in hospital. She was worse off. My son was going into care.

I was very angry. It was at myself though - I didn't have anyone else to blame.

***

It had been five days since the accident, and I had a wheel chair, which was so. Much. Fun. It made me feel really young again, like a naughty school girl getting glares from the teachers. I could tell that the nurses were getting irked, but I didn't care, because I was going to see my daughter.

I was practically singing as we walked (well I wheeled) over to her ward. I could finally hear her voice again! Have a conversation with her, or stroke her hair. The nurse gave me a look, which I didn't quite understand at the time, and I went inside. I turned the corner, grinning, and faltered when I saw the bed.

Fi was lying there unconscious and pale. She looked so frail. She had a scar on her head, and stitches too. I was sure that wasn't the only place. I got as close as I could to the bed - being in a wheelchair was awkward - and leaned over. She couldn't tell I was there. Tears formed in my eyes, and I blinked, not quite understanding.

"Fi," I said. "Fi. Wake up, babe. It's Mummy," I franticly searched her face, looking for signs of recognition. Her eyes remained shut, her face relaxed. "Wake up! Please!"

I started howling, shaking her, gently(she was after all badly injured). I buried my face in her chest, just as she had done to me, so many times before. Her gown was becoming soaked with all the tears. I was surprised, actually, that none of the nurses had come in yet to prise me away from her. It dawned on me that she may never wake up. That her last memory of me could have been me shouting at her.

But then she stroked my hair.

I gasped and immediately looked up. She was squinting at me. She barely managed a tiny smile before her head slumped back down onto the pillow. I quickly leant over and whispered in her ear, "I love you, honey."