Being a Mother

Chapter 11: Lost

This story is boring me... but I'm planning a new one :D But I'm going to finish this anyway :) btw Real life Abi I lobe you!! I just needed a twist :D xxx

There was no chance for us. They had already made up their minds, right from sending that letter. Stupid. How could I have been so stupid? If I had acted I might have been able to save them. I now knew who they were being adopted by.

Mrs Ruchton.

Although that pushed me more in the direction of believing she was to blame for this, it could all be a remarkable coincidence. And even if she did - there was nothing I could do. As if I hadn't already tried.

"Nathan," I called hoarsely. I cleared my throat. "Fi you need to come down, honey. Make sure Nathan doesn't fall down the stairs."

I had already helped them pack their things, they were just playing in Fi's room, and I suspect saying goodbye to their house. I had done that when I was little - we were moving house and I felt I had to say goodbye to every room.

"Yes, mummy," I heard Fi reply quietly. I had already explained and she understood completely. Nathan grinned when he waddled in and crouched down to pick up his (toy) rabbit. We couldn't buy a real pet, though they had asked. He sat and played with his rabbit for a few minutes, but got bored and looked up at me.

"My book," he demanded. He had a favourite nursery book, which contained little stories and rhymes.

"It's packed, baby. But we need to go anyway now, and drop you off. We're just waiting for Daniel, ok?" He didn't answer, just pouted and ran into the kitchen where Fi was. I sighed, and picked up his rabbit. His ear was torn, and the stuffing was coming out. I couldn't remember where he had got it from. I supposed it didn't matter, as long as he loved it.

The doorbell went. Ah, that would be Daniel. I didn't feel like facing him, I didn't feel like facing anybody. I needed to be with my children.

But the ringing persisted, so I went to answer it. Daniel was there, looking weary but smiling.

Go away, I thought.

"Nice to see you, Rebecca. Where are Fi and Nathan?" he asked pleasantly. I didn't speak, just gestured to the kitchen. He smiled - apologetically? - and walked past. I decided to let them have their moments together and shuffled into the living room and curled up in a ball on the sofa.

Eventually they came through, and I saw that Daniel had been crying. He kept on a smile though. Nathan was laughing at a face Daniel was pulling, even though his heart wasn't in it, and Fi was silent. She came to sit next to me, and hugged me around the waist. We sat in silence, watching Daniel and Nathan messing around, waiting for the inevitable.

Sadly, the time flew past and soon the doorbell went again. Nathan looked up expectantly and I quickly jumped up to get it. Sure enough, the social services lady had arrived, with a scowl set on her face. I welcomed her in.

She went through all the details, but I wasn't really listening. I was in my own world, reliving memories of when we were the perfect family. Daniel was listening intently, so I knew I could just ask him later.

I realised they were getting up to leave, and I swallowed my children up in a hug. Nathan hugged me back, but Fi clung on for longer. The social worker told her impatiently that they had to leave. Fi whispered in my ear very quietly so I had to strain to hear.

"It was Abi."

And with that, she was pulled away from me.

***

After the initial upset, I realised how angry I was. Abi had no idea how much havoc she had created. She had wrecked my life single handedly, simply by... by...

Actually, had no idea what she had done. But I trusted my daughter completely - even though I wasn't sure what she meant.

I picked up the address book which was by the phone, and flicked through it until - ha! I found it. Abi's number.

The phone picked up, so I said, "Hello. I'm looking for Abi Blackthorne. Is this her?"

I knew it was her phone, but this sounded like the best way of introducing myself. There was a silence, but then someone answered with a slightly foreign accent.

"I'm sorry, but I think you have the wrong number. I don't know an Abi."

I gave a small and slightly malicious laugh. "Stop fooling around. She gave me this number - she was using it recently!"

"Sorry," she repeated firmly. "There is no Abi here. Good bye."

I screamed and threw the phone at the floor. That was the right number. I had double checked, it just was. I debated going to see her, but that could be, well would be, considered odd. I was going insane.I began pacing around the house, thinking furiously. There were hot tears dripping down my face, but i angrily wiped them away.

Daniel opened the door and looked at me. Then he reached forwards and pulled me into his arms. I closed my eyes, relaxing at the familiar comfort the Daniel brought with him.