Am I Not Merciful? Commodus x Reader/ Main Character

14: I'm Sorry

Why can't I go back to sleep...?

I toss and turn with frustration, the memory of the dream I had just a mere ten minutes ago still playing in the back of my head.

I feel myself have goosebumps...

Why did he kiss me like that...?

Why did he TOUCH me like that...?

These emotions felt more real than anything in real life, and yet...I let him do those things to me.

Why did I let him kiss me like that...?

Why did I let him TOUCH me like that...?

Is it my fault...?

Should I have told him to stop...?

Oh my god...

I miss him...

I need him...

I never in that second wanted nothing more than to jump into his arms and tell him I loved him.

I finally find a comfortable spot on the bed, freezing instantly and loosening my tensed muscles against the sheets and mattress. My thoughts went completely blank as I finally felt my eyes drop with exhaustion.

Commodus' Pov:

I gently tugged on the reins, stopping the small carriage. There I could see the familiar wooden house where she stayed.

I hopped off the carriage, careful to not make any sounds that might wake up the civilians of other houses.

I slowly stride over to the door, quietly creeping it open and raking my first hesitant steps inside.

"Zola..." I whispered, gazing around the dim house,"Zola are you here...?" I whispered once more. I feel my feet moving around the house, silently searching for her.

As I made my way over to the last room, I could see the outline of a small body in the sheets of a bed.

I feel myself smile, remembering very vividly her tiny build. As I walked inside, my eyes never leaving the bundled sheets, I kept refraining the sudden urge to pick her up.

I leaned over the bed, and reached a hand onto the thin sheets, gently lifting them just a few inches down.

I let out a small breath, seeing her resting face gently laid against the pillow.

"Zola~" I felt the words carelessly fall from my lips, gently caressing her pale cheek.

I gently lift the covers once more, this time off of her completely. I leaned down, taking her limp body in my arms. I feel her let out a tired groan, adjusting herself around my body.

I wrapped her legs around me, holding her up by her thighs. Once I had her balanced in my grasp, I make my way out of the house and towards the carriage.

Zola's Pov:

I feel myself moving, yet I wasn't moving a muscle myself. I open my droopy eyes, watching as trees and bushes moved by.

What....?

I felt my legs being wrapped around someone's waist, but I was still in a trance of exhaustion to come to my senses yet.

As I took in a long breath, my eyes widen at the familiar scent. My eyes gaze up at whoever was carrying me, moving my head from the crevice of their shoulder and facing them.

"Commodus...?" I gently whispered, gazing into his kind blue eyes. Through the dim sky, I could see his eyes grow red and puffy,"I need you..." he breathes," please...I'm afraid of the dark...I-I'm begging you...don't leave me in the dark...while you stay in the dark with me?"

Never had I longed for someone...

"Commodus..." I breathe, feeling tears fall down my cheeks.

His eyes widen,"p-please don't cry" he begs, hoisting me up against his grasp,"it's okay~ I'm here"

"C-Commodus~" I feel myself whimper, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him for dear life.

"I-I'm sorry..." I quietly sob, tightening my grasp,"I-I'm sorry...I'm s-sorry...~"

"Zola..." he gasps," please...please stop crying... I hate to see you cry..."

"D-don't leave me..." I cry to him, feeling like a child,"don't leave me...I don't want you to leave me~"

"I won't" he comforts me,placing gentle kisses on my wet cheeks," I will never leave you, please...please stop crying".

We made it to the carriage,and he gently sets me down on the soft cushion inside.

"We're going back to the palace" he says, taking my face in his hands,"and I promise you...I will never leave you...I will give you whatever your heart desires...tell me what you want and you shall have it..."

I lunge at him,wrapping my arms around him once more," I want you..." I tell him truthfully,
"You could give me all the riches in the world and I would still want you...I want you Commodus".

"Then you shall have it~" he sighs happily,
"I'm yours Zola...I'm yours and only yours to have and to keep, will you be mine...?"

"I'm yours" I say without any hesitation,"I yours I'm yours and I'm only yours".

As we embraced each other, I placed gentle kisses on his forehead.

We stayed like this for what seemed forever, until the time came for him to lead the carriage back to the palace. Instead of staying inside, I sat beside him, leaning my head against his shoulder as we quietly left the village.

Once there, he lead me by the hand back to my room." Here you are" he whispers," I shall inform the staff of your return in the morning, for now, please get some rest".

He turns to leave," no please" I beg him, clinging onto him," I don't want to leave you..."

"Would you like to sleep with me in my room?" He asks, and I nod.

As we went into Commodus's room, I hopped on the bed, bouncing while letting out laughs.
He chuckles as well, quickly telling me to hush with a small grin so that I wouldn't wake anyone else.

After he had changed into his sleeping clothes, he climbed under the covers with me. I quickly shift over to him, grabbing his arm and with both hands and resting my head against his shoulder.

"Goodnight Zola..." he breathes tiredly

~"Goodnight Commodus"~