thirty day writing challenge #1 (nov 2019)

day 16: a hidden meaning

i can't do this anymore. this is toxic. i've tried so many times to fix me, fix us, fix this mess of a relationship,  but you

still keep hurting me. over and over. breaking me down in the way only you know how to. i thought i could look past the tiny droplets of poison you oh-so-delicately poured into the cracks in my skin when you thought i wasn't looking. i thought my reward for gritting my teeth and ignoring the little pricks of pain was earning your 

love forever, but i didn't realise that pretty people whose smiles shine too bright and eyes sparkle too white are all built of lies. i guess i can only blame my vulnerability that made me fall for you, fall so hard and so far down that i was left hopeless and bleeding. i should have known it was danger that it was so easy to love

you. there was something suspicious about the way your laugh echoed hauntingly way longer than it should have. i loved the way that musky, rosey, scarlet scent hung off the velvet folds of your dress, but i didn't realise the scent was called 'heartbreaker'. you're liquor, you're nicotine, you're 

so addictive. but so dangerous. i love it. but i hate you. i hate loving you. i hate the way everything about you is so perfect, so perfect it drives me insane. you're beautiful. a beautiful monster. i'm scared of you. you filled me with an unnatural mix of love driven purely by adrenaline, and the weight of unfulfilled promises, and too

much fear. it used to give me a primal thrill but it slowly became more. it evolved into a collision course, a high-voltage suicide mission.

it became a self-destructing, ticking time bomb, waiting for that one spark to throw everything out of balance and rip it all apart in an almighty blaze. and i've contained it for far too long. i'm sick of the way everything eats me up from the inside. i loved too much, put too much trust in a relationship we knew wasn't going to stand the test of time. i can't bear the gnaw inside me anymore. it's too much to take. loving you

hurts.

oh, but i wish you knew 

A/N: did you find the hidden meaning?