For the One I Love || Hanji x Female Reader

Chapter Twelve: Regret

I found myself walking in the market of Shiganshina once more, with my parents on either side of me while my mom carried my little sister. They were talking about finally being able to afford meat, and that we'll have delicious food for the new year.

But I could feel that something was wrong, even though the rest of my family were laughing in a carefree manner.

I only blinked, but when I opened my eyes, everything was in ruins. There was blood everywhere, even on my skin and clothes. My mom and dad were on the ground, missing some of their arms and legs, while my little sister was nowhere to be seen.

I could only stand and watch as several titans walked towards our direction. My legs seemed rooted to the spot, and even though I wanted to scream, no voice came out of my lips.

"[Y/N]...run...while you...still...can.." my mom said mournfully before a titan picked up her body and ate it until I heard a sickening crunch.

I woke up with a start, my face and body covered in sweat despite the cool wind that swept by the window. I clutched my chest as I breathed heavily, attempting to calm myself down as I wiped the sheen of sweat on my forehead with the back of my hand.

I looked down on my chest only to find the necklace missing, and that I was in different clothing. Instead of my nightgown, I was wearing an extremely familiar yellow button-down shirt.

"Looking for this?" a voice said from beside me, and I hastily looked up to see Hanji with the necklace dangling from their fingers.

I could only nod at them and scooted a bit to reach up to get the necklace, but Hanji pulled their hand farther, just a little bit out of my reach.

"That's mine...Hanji..." I lamely said as I fidgeted with my fingers in embarrassment.

Hanji sat down on the bed beside me and leaned close to my face as they slowly whispered, "What about a trade, [Y/N]? I'll give you back this necklace if you honestly answer a few of my questions."

I averted my gaze from Hanji as I felt my face heat up quickly at our proximity.

Hanji smirked as they taunted, "So? Are you willing to do it?"

I nervously swallowed before facing them again as I answered, "Yes. I'd do anything to get that necklace back."

Hanji looked visibly surprised before they  composed themselves a few seconds later and proceeded to ask in a hard tone, "What on earth were you thinking? Sleeping outside while only wearing a nightgown. Are you out of your mind?"

Still fidgeting with my fingers, I hesitated for a while before answering, "I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, Hanji."

"At the expense of your health?" Hanji asked almost in a furious manner before they cleared their throat and stayed silent for some time as if keeping their thoughts and feelings in check.

I didn't know if I should beat around the bush, but I ended up saying, "I admit that it was rather reckless of me to do so, but I hadn't intended to fall asleep outside and get sick."

Hanji looked like as though they weren't convinced, but disregarded it and asked another question, "Could these thoughts be about me?"

At this, I closed my eyes firmly as I thought, 'When has it ever been not about you?' but I couldn't possibly say that to her face.

But then I remembered that I had to be honest, otherwise I wouldn't be able to get the necklace back.

"No...not all of them, at least."

Their eyes narrowed a fraction for some reason before they asked in a low tone, "Is there someone else?"

The distance between our faces was drastically decreasing with each word until I could no longer move back because of the headboard.

I didn't know why Hanji was acting like this, as if the words coming out of their lips were raw and unfiltered, something unusual for them. I was so used to Hanji thinking things through before doing or saying something, and to see them in this state was a first.

"What do you mean by that?"

Hanji smiled warmly shortly afterward as they said, "I'm a selfish person, [Y/N]. I want to be the only one for you."

If I had to be honest about my feelings, they hit the nail right in the head. But after what we talked about just hours ago, how can I allow myself to hope that we might have a chance? If they were so intent on pushing me away, then I had no choice but to do the same.

I had to protect my feelings too, after all.

"I'm afraid that's not possible, Hanji. You can't just ask me to think about you all the time. I'd end up dead in a second in this world if I did."

I was surprised to see that Hanji had actually looked hurt for a split second before they pulled away and schooled their face into an emotionless mask, very much like a certain captain we all know.

"Understood, [Y/N]. That seems reasonable," Hanji said coldly after a few moments of silence, and I couldn't help but feel numb all over.

I couldn't believe that I lied to them, and rejected them for that matter.

'I'm going to regret this soon,' I thought as I lowered my head, not able to look them in the eye after what I said. I had to admit, I wasn't a great actress and I didn't know if they saw through me, but based on their expression, they bought what I said.

An awkward silence filled the room, and I slowly looked up to see what Hanji was doing. They were already halfway across the room, writing something down on a notepad. Hanji must have noticed me looking at them since she said, "Please stay here in my room for the meantime until you have fully recovered. Though I'll drop by from time to time, I'll be asking either Levi or the other cadets to look after you."

I closed my eyes in exasperation, immediately wanting to take back the words I said, but even I knew that it was already too late.

"Got it," I muttered softly as I lied back down on the bed, my tears threatening to fall down my eyes for the nth time.

"Get well soon, [Y/N]," Hanji said before they left the room, leaving me alone with my regretful thoughts.

It was only then that I remembered the trade and attempted to stop Hanji before the door shut fully, "Wait! My necklace-" I exclaimed in panic until I happened to saw my reflection on a small mirror on the nightstand and saw that it was indeed back around my neck, the pendant a stark contrast against my pale skin.

I slowly reached up to touch it, and I couldn't stop the tears that escaped as I thought, 'It's probably for the best.'

[Author's Note]

Hello, everyone! I updated as soon as I could to somehow makeup for the short chapter, and I promise to quickly finish up the draft for the next chapter! I hope that you guys enjoy this, though the next events would probably break everyone's hearts (but I also promise to mend it!)

Please continue to support me! (I swear your comments keep me going so much!) You guys inspire me to write even more :)