For the One I Love || Hanji x Female Reader

Chapter Twenty-Two: Secrets

Armin, Jean, and I stared at Hanji incredulously, as if they had sprouted two heads, upon hearing what they just stated. As a matter of fact, I had a lot of things I wanted to say in rebuttal, as well as things I wanted to ask, but I decided to wait until it was just the two of us. After all, the matter was between the two of us alone.

Armin tugged on Jean's arm as he said, "We'll be entrusting [Y/N] to you, Squad Leader. We'll inform the others that [Y/N]'s back as well."

"Won't you visit me later?" I asked them, wanting to see the others as soon as possible. In the short time that I'd been away, I had to admit that I already missed them a lot.

Jean nodded with a small smile as he reached over and ruffled my hair gently, before saying, "You'll need to tell us everything, alright? We want to know how you ended up looking like that. For now, focus on recovering, [Y/N]."

And with that, the two of them hesitantly left, leaving me alone with Hanji once more. They lifted me carefully up the stairs, turning left and right until we finally reached their room. Hanji kicked the door open slowly, not wanting to alert anyone else as of the moment. My eyes were immediately drawn to the wooden tub in the corner of the room, and Hanji must've sensed my curiosity since they said, "I had Moblit prepare a few things I thought you might need."

Beside the wooden tub was a small table with a towel, a change of clothes, and some soap. There was also a movable partition nearby, which I guessed I would use while I cleaned myself up.

"Can you undress yourself?" Hanji asked as they lowered me into a chair near the tub, their eyes filled with worry and concern. I nodded shakily as I responded with nervous laughter, "I'll do that myself, Hanji. I'll call if I'll need...assistance with bathing."

Hanji didn't look convinced but helped me walk until I was directly beside the tub, before disappearing behind the partition they moved to allow me some privacy. I heard Hanji move about the room as I slowly undressed, wincing from time to time since some of my clothes stuck to my wounds due to the dried blood. I finally managed to finish the task after some time, before carefully lowering myself into the tub, not putting any pressure on my sprained ankle as much as possible.

The lukewarm water sloshed around me gently as I washed my arms, body, and legs, carefully removing the blood and checking which wounds were still bleeding.

"Hanji?" I called out to them, wanting to ask a few questions and say some things as well. I decided that it would be better to talk about them now, while there was a partition separating us, so they wouldn't see the raw emotions on my face.

"Hmm? Do you need any help?" came their reply, and I heard them walk in my direction until I could see their silhouette against the partition.

"It's not that...it's just, you and Moblit prepared all these for me, but what if I were actually killed out there?" I asked hesitantly before I lowered my head for a moment to get my hair wet, the water almost spilling as I came back up.

Hanji was quiet for a moment before I saw their figure sit down on the floor and lean sideways against the partition, before answering, "I didn't want to believe nor entertain the possibility," Hanji sighed heavily, "The mere thought of it paralyzed me with fear, but then I realized...that if you were truly out there, alone, I could only imagine how scared you were, and so I did my best to find you as soon as I could."

I nodded even though they couldn't see me, running my hands through my wet hair to get the blood at the back of my head out, doing my best not to make any pained sounds otherwise I was sure Hanji would get worried.

"Then...I'd like to ask, between what you told me after we kissed the night of the King's party, and what you're saying now, which one of them is true?"

Enough of this confusion.

"It's complicated," Hanji began as they continued after a moment, "When I joined the Survey Corps, I didn't have anyone. No family, no friends - nothing. But I met Erwin, Levi, and the others, and they became the family I never had," they paused for quite some time, "...You know how it is in our cruel world - one moment they're smiling and laughing with you, and the next they're gone."

I was quiet the whole time, wanting to hear the story Hanji had to say. It would help me not only know them more, but understand them on a deeper level as well. The only sound in the room was the sloshing of water as I slathered myself with soap, waiting for Hanji to continue.

"It hurt every time the people I cared about get killed right before my eyes. It's something that stayed with me, and whenever I thought of going to sleep to escape - they appear in my dreams, and it was as if everything had happened yesterday. And so I told myself I didn't want to care about anyone anymore - that Erwin and Levi would be the last ones I'd truly care about, but then you came along," the last part was said so softly that I had to stop moving in the tub to hear them.

I sat up straight abruptly, making the water spill on the floor and I immediately apologized, with Hanji merely chuckling in response.

"Hanji, if this is hard for you, it's okay to stop. We can talk about it some other time," I told them as I glanced in their direction, not wanting to make Hanji relive the pain they went through.

"I owe you this much, [Y/N]. If we're about to move forward with what we have, then you deserve to know everything," Hanji said apologetically, swallowing nervously before they carried on, "I didn't even know when it started - I wasn't even sure what I was feeling. There were no books about it, no matter how much I searched."

At this, I couldn't help but chuckle as I said, "You truly are a scientist, through and through."

In response, I heard Hanji laugh melodically before responding, "It's the only thing I knew how to do. You made me feel a lot of things I've never experienced before. To be honest, it was Moblit who pointed out that maybe I had special feelings for you."

I'll have to thank Moblit later, and maybe buy him a meal or two for this.

"I was perfectly content in looking and observing you from afar, but then that shorty came into the picture. You know, [Y/N], I've never experienced jealousy before, but I've felt it every day since I saw you train with him."

At this, I felt my heart pound in my chest - I never knew that they felt jealous, especially since Hanji was the reason why I had to train with Captain Levi. I always assumed that it was simply because Hanji didn't want to be around me.

"But that was only because you didn't want me in your life - I mean...because you left the buddy system," I said almost defensively, and realized that I've said what I was so afraid to say before.

Hanji didn't say anything for a few seconds, before breaking the silence as they said, "Is that what you thought? That I didn't want you in my life?"

"Yes," came my quick yet earnest response.

"If you only knew the extent of my feelings for you, you'd surely drown in it. Even I get overwhelmed with how strongly I feel about you."

[Author's Note]

Hello my dear readers! I'm back again with another chapter for you <3 With that said, if you have any questions, clarifications, [or violent reactions lol] about this fic, just comment on this paragraph and I'll do my best to answer them for you :D I hope you enjoyed this chapter and keep safe!