Loved From Afar (On hold. Please wait for me. I will be back.)

Loved From Afar Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 “Hi darling! I missed you so much!” screamed my mom through the phone. I laughed for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. “I miss you too mom. How are you?”

“I’m fine. I just wanted to check on my baby.” For the past four days she has called at least three times a day to check on me. Did she know something was wrong?

“I’m ok, mom.” I answered her. Then I added, “And before you ask, nothing is wrong.”  The lie tasted bitter on my tongue every time I said it to her, but I couldn’t tell my mom I wasn’t happy. I didn’t want her to worry more.

“Ok, darling. I’m not pressuring you to tell me now, but one day soon I expect you to.....So  I’m coming home in couple of days; I just have to finish a few more things, but I’ll be home soon. Love you.”  Mom said.

“Love you too, mom. See you soon.” I put the phone down and closed my eyes, letting a tear fall. I hate keeping secrets from my mom, but I didn’t know how to tell her this. The only person I was able to tell was my friend, Alexus; more like she threatened my life if I didn’t tell her “what the fuck is wrong?” To say she was furious is an understatement. She cursed and insulted Erik for hours and hours; it made me laugh. 

But then I sobered quickly as I remembered.

For once I felt special and beautiful in another’s arms, and I let my guard down, because I really trusted and believed Erik. But now, I don’t know what to think of him. His bizarre reaction and sudden detachment confused and scared the shit out of me. For a second, I thought he was shaking with desires for me; I was so happy and aroused when I was with him. Without a doubt my feelings for him were changing and developing into something nice and beautiful, and my desires for him were becoming raw and constant that it eats me alive. But now, all hopes are shattered and I can’t help but to think it’s my fault alone. I’m not a crier, but lately I’ve been doleful and detached from the world. I can’t seem to focus on school anymore, and my teachers noticed it too.

I have so many questions to ask him, but I’m afraid I’ll embarrass myself further. I feel stupid after what happened on Monday. Like a used fool, and I hate myself for allowing him to touch me that way, but the ugly truth is that I loved every minute of it. And I will do anything to feel that way again.  Embarrassing, right?  But it is how my stupid body feels. I crave him, and I probably always will.

I’ve had a rough few days, but Tuesday morning was the worst, because I was emotionally and physically drained from the day before. When I woke up that morning, my eyes were puffy and red. In the bathroom, I had to dab at my red – rimmed eyes with a tissue and rinse my face with cold water.  I felt exhausted, but I went to go to school anyway. When 4th period came around that day, I was jittery and shaking with nervousness. After a short hesitation, I cowardly ran into the girls’ bathroom to wait and hide until school was over. I was willing to skip class and ruin my perfect attendance than face him in a classroom full of students. I didn’t care anymore.

My best friend, Alexus, saw me huddled up and sobbing in one of the filthy bathroom stalls.  She got in and slammed the door shut real hard and grabbed my shoulders, pulling me up. I didn’t fight her off as she hugged me tight and told me in an angry voice “Get your shit together! You need to go in there and act like you don’t give a fuck! You’re better than this!” She was right. I was better than that, but I couldn’t face him.

“I can’t.” I whispered, pulling away from her. “I feel embarrassed.”

Shaking her head, she said “Okay. Don’t go then... but what about tomorrow and the days after that......You gonna skip? Hide away like a coward?” Again, she was right. “This is not you, Ana. Think about it.” With that she left me there.