Destined

Chapter 2 - Tears, Misery and Sadness

This cannot be happening. It can't. I stood still, my eyes danced over every word in the message just to make sure I hadn't read it wrong. But I hadn't. I felt paralyzed and my fingers around my phone felt numb. I was not expecting this to happen. Instead, I was expecting Max to walk up to us, punch Austin right in the face and warn him to stay away from me in anger  because I belonged to only him and everything would go back to normal. Normal like it had been for the past three years.

I reread the entire message, again and again to make sure I wasn't losing my mind. But everytime I read it, I found it harder to read, harder to breathe and harder to see. I could feel my heart pump violently. I could feel it rip into halves, I could feel the excruciating pain.

And then, as if suddenly, I felt nothing but the hollowness in the middle of my chest. I tightly gripped my phone in my hand, so tight that my knuckles went ghostly white and a tear hit the screen of my mobile.

I heard faint voices of Maria and Jess apologize to Austin for what he had do because of us, they told him why he had to do all this, giving him as little detail as possible, and lastly thanking him for helping us. Finally when their conversation ended, Jess, Maria and Austin came up to me and I realized I was crying. Maria grabbed my shoulder and I tried to look away from them. I have never cried infront of them and I never will, especially not over a guy. They started questioning me, asking me what had happened but no word came out of my mouth. The only thing coming out were the tears from my eyes. Feeling weak and stupid, I couldn't stand there, atleast not infront of them,  so I took off and headed back home.

After arriving home, I went straight to my bedroom. I fell on my bed and stared at the ceiling as I allowed the tears to escape out of the corners of my eyes. I held onto my phone, constantly feeling it vibrate for a very long time yet I didn't answer it knowing well who the caller was.

He had never loved me. Never? I had spent the whole week locked up in my bedroom, asking myself those agonizing questions. Since that horrid day, I'd cry myself to sleep because I'd get flashes of moments shared of me Max and I over the past months. All the time we had spent together, all the words he said, how can it be fake? I never felt it wrong or unreal. There were so many times when he'd smile at me, so wonderfully that sometimes I would question myself how could someone be so flawless, and everytime when he smiled at me, we shared this look in our eyes that showed nothing but love, fondness and passion for eachother. How can that be unreal?

**********

"I'm going to do it." I flexed my shoulders as I stepped out of my house. "No more being a crybaby. No more feeling miserable." I whispered words of encouragment to myself. I can't back off now. I have decided that I will meet Max in person today, for the first time after our breakup, and ask him all the questions I had been asking myself for the past few days and end this chapter of us once and for all.

I threw the door close and it shut with a loud bang. The noise boosting my level of energy and anger. I am going to do it. I walked along the corridor and stopped when the household door infront of me opened and out came a tall guy. I live in a building with forty-two floors and my home is on the third floor so the corridors we have are pretty narrow which means that if two people going in opposite directions, then one must stop to let the other pass through. So I had no choice but to stop and wait for him to lock his door, which he did, except very slowly.

I was so furious at the moment and I didn't want the anger to drain away because I needed it to talk to Max, and well, I am not very patient.

"I didn't know locking doors required such hard work and such sharp focus."  I commented and crossed my arms over my chest. The guy infront of me turned his head and looked at me. His hazel brown eyes penetrated into mine and I recognized who he was. We study at the same school, he is also in my Biology class. It was Austin. 

"Could you move?" I asked, still looking into his eyes, and he finally looked away. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, his voice gruff, and stepped aside. I increased my speed and walked past him. When I reached the lifts, I pressed the button to it and waited for it to arrive while I muttered encouraging words to myself. "Just go up to him, smack his face, punch him or maybe even kick him in the balls. He deserves that." 

I looked back at the lifts to see it stuck on the thirteenth floor. Why the hell was the lift taking so long? I marched back and forth as I waited impatiently for the lift to arrive. 

"I can't believe this." I muttered, still waiting for the lift. I couldn't wait anymore so I decided to take the stairs instead. I pushed open the doors to the emergency exit and instead of going down the stairs and leaving the building as I had planned to, I walked toward the stairs and sat down. It was quiet there, pieces of paint rested on the floor, some peeling from the ceiling. I sat there with my pink, mis-matched bag placed on the stairs. I couldn't handle it.  

When you're sorrowful and only want to be left alone in your own, the thoughts that visit will visit your mind aren't pretty at all. Sometimes, overthinking causes anxiety but sometimes they give you the solution. And for me, confining myself in my room gave me the answers, a clear explanation.
I felt like a puppet at the moment. He had used me to gain attention and I never doubted him. Never had I once stopped and think what was going on in my life. It seemed like I was so desperate for love that I gave my heart willingly to someone who never wanted it and he so easily squeezed it, and shattered it into pieces. I was so furious at the moment that I wanted to kill that person right away. I don't even want to mention his name. I banged my hand on the wall at the thought of him, at the thought of him kissing some other girl while I was somewhere else, daydreaming about him. It wasn't his fault, it was my fault. All my fault. I shouldn't have let him affect me so much. I banged my hand on the wall once again, then a few more times until my hand felt numb, until the pain started to take over. The one with whom I thought I'll spend my whole life with left me. He threw me like a housewife disposing garbage into the rubbish bin. I started to sob, then my little sobs turned in to soft, little cries. I wanted to cry, as loudly as I could to take away all the grief inside me. I don't want to feel miserable. I just want to be happy, happy without him. I wanted to be myself again. I was in my own world, in tears, that I didn't even notice when the door to the staircase pushed opened and a pair of black converse stopped before me. I looked up to see the same hazel brown eyes staring back at me in confusion.