One month later
I have my phone buzzing during class today, I put my phone on the table which makes some people near me stared me deadly because it was break the silence for awhile. I don't really have a friend here except Clementine. I made some friends but not in here class today with me.
I have a bit of social anxiety or it might just be an introvert of myself. I don't want to be self-diagnosed but that's what I'm feeling every time I'm trying to socialize. I just give so many fucks about everything, about what people think about me and it makes me really anxious.
Back to my phone buzzing, Clementine sent me a couple of text. I open all the texts that she asked me to go to the show again with her, which Matty's band. I breathed and ready to type something but uh... I lost in my thoughts where I remember I slept with him. Accidentally. No, intentionally, oh my fucking god I don't know what to say.
"I don't know Clementine, talk to you later" I sent it and locked my phone right away.
"You said you're having fun when you came to their show the other day. common, come with me, please. I have no company" how could I say no to Clementine, how could I tell her the fact that I'm still so embarrassed. George will be there too, I'm not sure he'll remember it or make it as a big deal but still. Why am I such a pussy like this? Oh god, I don't know why.
"Okay, when?" someone's kick my foot because the professor warned me to put my phone away. "I'm sorry" I said put my phone in my bag.
Clementine came up after my class, waiting for me in the doorway smiling. She immediately put her arm around and walk with me. "Were you drink coffee with lots of sugar this morning? Or what substance do you use?" I said jokingly to her then she kicks my foot right away "ouch bitch!" I exclaimed.
"To be honest with you I don't have many friends with that I have no mutual who willingly come with me. Once I came with my friend but we were like separated because something bad happened and I just have you now" she grins pulling me into a half hug, I just smiled back at her.
———
"My fucking god, it's not a big deal Daphne! You're not lost your virginity to him either you lost it for him, I think it's great. For a hot man like him, your virginity isn't a big deal" she burst into laughter after I explained what happened because I'm so worried now. Clementine will pick me up about three hours ago from now.
"Shut the fucking up" I sighed and covered my face with both hands sitting down at my bed. "Go get dress now!" she throws me some clothes at my face that she recommended from her closet. I take some clothes that lay on the floor to the bed and choose one that I like to wear.
Three hours waiting for Clementine, Rachel opens the door for her cause I was busy doing my make up. "You can come with us actually" Clementine said as she saw Rachel. "Maybe next time, I have some project with my classmates" I don't know what face Rachel gives to Clementine but I could say she's kinda feel bad to rejected her offering twice.
"I'm ready" I turn around to face Clementine and Rachel. I wear a leather jacket and basic jeans also my favorite sneakers that my mom gave me for my birthday last year. I tied my hair up so my hoop earrings show up perfectly.
"You're so stunning" Clementine made me blush and I immediately smile at her, I never ready if someone gives me compliments for what I wear. I just don't know how to say except smiling.
"She might be seeing someone special tonight" Rachel slightly nod giving a teased look at me. Clementine gasped at Rachel like she's ready to hear the tea from her. "No one" I take Clementine's hand to make our way to the door to walk out quickly. I gave Rachel a dead look so she won't tell Clementine anything.
I honestly didn't dress up for somebody, I never want people to think that I dress up for a particular person.
I can't stop drumming my fingertips on my knees in the bus on our way to the venue. I put my headphone to listening some songs that probably will make me more calm. Matty won't remember anything about that night, I'm pretty fucking sure, it past a month he probably had sex with another girl like three times or four times, too time.
It just I overreact and overthink everything. I shouldn't take it too seriously. Except that I was embarrassed myself in front of him at night, probably when we had sex because I'm too drunk and get myself caught up by George in the morning.
"You seem a bit nervous, I assuming" Clementine elbowed me, I put my headphone off "sorry?" then she repeated her question. "No, everything's fine" I'm nodding with a smile.
We've arrived and it gets me more nervous but I'm trying my best to still look cool in every move. Clementine seemingly didn't notice anything since the last spoke.
We're walking inside the pub, it's a different pub and a little bit more far from the first time I attended. It's decent quite big than before too.
———
The show ended, Clementine takes my hand to where I suppose it will be the backstage where I can meet the boys. I take Clementine's hand back for a while making her track stopped "what?" she glared at me confusedly. "I gotta pee" I made my lips straight line with a worried face. She takes her hand off of me "you can take a walk straight then turn to the right you can see the sign" Clementine pointed out to the direction where I should go, I nodded and jog to the toilet.
I look in the mirror before I go to the cubicle sit down on the toilet with my head on my hands. "He will not remember any of this Daphne" I mumble to myself drumming my fingertip on my knees.
I walk out of the toilet when I feel like I have more courageous to face Matty. I keep my head down to did my shirt looks better. "Careful" someone's said to me while I crash my body into him. I look up and see Matty "holyfuck" I quickly cover my mouth my eyes widen as I took a step back, I regret something that I didn't mean to say earlier. "I mean sorry" I stammering.
"It's okay" he runs his finger through his curly hair then walks past me. See, he doesn't even care, but I never ever can be that guy. "Are you still stood up there or come with me? You must be with Clementine right?" I heard him calling out 5 feet away.
----
"Hi, Matty you found her" Clementine raised her voice pretending to be shock like I was a lost kid who can't find my way back to my mum. I look at Matty walk himself to the wall, lay his body against it as he pulls over his sleeves to wipe her nose with the back of his sleeves. He doesn't look good after I saw him walk out of the toilet. I didn't see his face like this when he was on stage, sing, and dance carelessly. He crossed his arms in front of her chest squeeze his eyes tightly a few times like he's not really in good condition.
"You come with us right?" Adam's voice makes me turn my face to him quickly as Matty caught me looking at him "yeah, she's coming with us" Matty answer me for Adam and he winked at me. Totally fuck, I should get my eyes off of him.
We're on our way to our flat, Adam driving where Clementine sit next to driver's seat. I'm at the second row, unfortunately, sit next to Matty then George and Ross sit in the back.
I lay my head on the window to avoid any contact with Matty. He pushes the button window down before lit up the cigarette and past me some but I shook my head. It's really quiet on the road, no one talking except one random song came up from the radio.
YOU ARE READING
// P e t r i c h o r // Matty Healy
Fanfiction"If loving you was a huge mistake than leaving you was a massive mistake. I love you, don't you mind?" he locks his eyes on me with his hands against the wall. ((i'm suck at descriptions, just read it anyway, i wish you like it))
