Darker the Night (A Star Wars Rebels AU)

Chapter Nine

Caleb watched Hera's retreating form until she disappeared from view.

He stood exactly where she'd left him, paralyzed by indecision, trying to tamp down the strong impulse he felt to go after her, to explain- what? He wasn't even sure how to explain what he was feeling to himself, let alone to her. In any case, an explanation wouldn't be enough- she'd never be able to truly understand. Jedi were raised- trained- to believe that the welfare of the entire galaxy was their responsibility, and anything that got in the way of that sacred duty was personal, and therefore to be put aside. Hera had chosen a life of service to the galaxy, but the key difference was that it had been a choice, rather than a mandate- and she was allowed to have a personal life. No one but another Jedi could understand what he was feeling, but it felt dangerous to ask for the kind of help he needed.

It shouldn't have felt that way. For the first time- for all of Caleb's probing questions that annoyed Jocasta Nu so deeply- he felt the full weight of a life he had not chosen. He felt the tendrils of the dark side pulling at the edges of the only world he'd ever known. But a new world had just opened itself up to him, and it was both exhilarating and terrifying.

He saw Master Windu approaching, and it shook him from his thoughts. He was not close to the man, despite the fact that Depa had been his apprentice- but he sometimes felt that Master Windu kept a closer eye on him than he did other Padawans. He could see that he was already getting a suspicious look from the man, even from a significant distance, and he had no wish to discuss what that look meant.

Caleb darted in the other direction, his feet carrying him automatically to his favorite training dojo. As was often the case when he felt emotionally ill-at-ease, he craved being in motion- it had always been the best way to clear and focus his mind. The dojo was blessedly empty when he arrived. He walked to the center of the room, ignited his lightsaber, and dropped into the opening stance of Form III.

Time passed; he moved slowly and methodically through the Form, more concerned with getting it right than with speed and accuracy. The weight of his thoughts got gradually easier to bear as he focused only on his movements. Eventually, though, he realized that he was not alone.

She watched him with a critical eye as she leaned against the wall with her arms crossed. "You're getting better," Ahsoka commented. "But you still lack focus."

"Depa says the same."

"What's distracting you, Caleb?"

He shrugged, faking a nonchalance he did not feel. "I don't know. The Separatists, the possibility of war...the Trials. Lots of things."

She leveled a skeptical look at him as she pulled her lightsabers from her belt and ignited them in training mode, advancing on him. He raised his lightsaber, dropping into a defensive stance.

"She's pretty," Ahsoka said, circling him at a leisurely pace. "Hera."

Caleb listened to her nearly silent feet on the mat and the hum of her lightsabers as she moved behind him. She wouldn't strike from that direction- he knew her fighting style well, and her attacks were always aboveboard. No dirty tactics.

"I guess so," he replied.

"You didn't notice?" She sounded amused.

"I'm not blind. I noticed."

She appeared in front of him, but only for a split-second- after that, she was in motion- a blur punctuated by streaks of green and yellow light. She attacked relentlessly, and he held his ground, creating a defensive bubble around himself that she could not penetrate.

Abruptly, she backed off, lowering her lightsabers. "You have improved. I'm impressed."

"Thanks," he said. He didn't lower his weapon- he knew better.