Sacrifice [completed]

Chapter 6

Leo's P.O.V

It's almost my birthday, but it doesn't feel like it. April told me that they would just give me presents and won't celebrate, and to be honest, that's good, I don't wanna celebrate after that happened after all.

I sit in raph's hammock and swing.
'heh, now i know why he slept a lot'
I look around, and see his nightstand.
Only God knows how much I looked through his stuff.

I roll to my plastron and my eyes falls on a very bottom drawer.
'how come I didn't see that before?'

My expression changes to a slight frown. The drawer was smaller than the other ones.
I jump down from his hammock and kneel down to that drawer.
'DON'T TOUCH!' it said.
I frown. I open the drawer and see only a book, more like a journal.
'what's so important in this that he said don't touch?'

I open the book and my expression softens. It was a picture of me, sensei and my brothers. He drew a little heart next to me.
I blush slightly and go to the next page.

Raph's journal (P.O.V)

well, I found this old book and decided to write in it,'cause like, why not?
Since spike- i mean slash mutated, I have no one to talk to about my feelings, so I just talk to myself, but I ain't crazy! So I decided to write in this old book.
*next page*
Ugh, I don't understand! It wasn't my fault! Leo always said :"Raph calm down!" I AM calm! Ugh, fine. I'm not. it's not their fault, but it surely IS my fault. I'm just a hot-headed turtle. Ugh, Who am I kidding, no one will read this, anyway.
~~~~~~~~
'so, the reason that raph was angry all the time, is because he didn't have anyone to talk?'
I stared at his mirror, I saw myself, along with some visions. I always ignored raph when he wanted to talk about his problems with me.

I frowned sadly and continued.
~~~~~~~~
He ignores me, he always does. I mean who will talk to a hot-head, short-tempered monster?
I'm just a screw up, anyways.
If I go to someone and tell them, they will laugh, or probably fill with disgust.

Mikey always goes to Donnie and Leo, and of course, his big brothers WILL accept him, but of course, he never comes to me, why? Heh, because I'm a stupid, burden. A disappointment. A useless monster that has no feelings, feelings that are replaced with anger.

Donnie always goes to Leo or splinter, and they accept giving advice to him, and leo? Who doesn't want to talk to him? He's the leader, Splinter's favorite, the perfect child. He's just, he's everything.
Unlike me. I'm just a short-tempered son, that's all.
~~~~~~~~
My heart broke when I read that.
'why did he thought of himself so low? And thought of me as a perfect child? Splinter says I'm far from perfect.'
Tears began to blur my eyes, but I backed them away.
~~~~~~~~
Heh..I'll never forget those words...

"go away!"

"you always mess things up!"

"why don't you just drop dead so I won't deal with your arguments!!"

"we never needed you in missions, anyway!"

Those words supposed to hurt, right?
Well, it doesn't for me. They just teach me more that I'm useless.
When we were 10, we used to play together, but I didn't join them, 'cause I knew I would ruin their joy. And it was ok, it IS ok and it will be ok.
~~~~~~~~
Tears were rolling down on my face.
I remembered those times that I told him those hurtful words.
I sobbed loudly, but not loud enough to make anyone notice.
"R-raphie..." my sound was basically a Whisper.
"i-I..didn't knew..you f-f-felt this way.." the next sentence I read, was the one that shattered my heart.
~~~~~~~~
"If there was choice between life and death, I would probably choose death.
If there was a chance for me to like save someone's life and die myself, I would."
~~~~~~~~
I put the journal back in there, my hands shaking, I crawl up to his bed, and cry myself to sleep.
'I was so blind, i didn't notice your pain, Raphael. I'm sorry'

??? P.O.V

'Ugh, mhmm, w-where am I?'

My eyes flicker open. I can barely see anything.
'what happened?'
Then flash backs come to my mind slowly.

*SLASH*
"RAPH..!"
"RAPHAEL!!"

I get a bad headache and sit up, rubbing my head.
My vision gets better, I look around.
'it looks like a secret lair or somethin'

Then I remembered, it was..
It was karai's Secret Lair..!

To be continued...!

[soooooo, guys I know the last chapters were really short, but this one is long enough. And I'm kinda proud of this chapter, I know you guys will find out what the shell just happend. So, ok, bye for now!]