2 Years In Italy

Two Years In Italy - part 26

Dez POV

I couldn’t sleep, not that i would have let myself if i could. There was every chance that in the morning i would wake to find her gone. And i honestly don’t think i could handle that.

Curling into her i let myself relax, in the morning we would talk, and i would beg, and maybe, just maybe she would give me another chance.

Silver POV

Keeping my breathing even i lay still, my body safely curled around his, my mind whirling. I was here, with Dez, and it felt right, it felt so right. If world war III was to erupt outside of this room i doubted i would move. It would take supernatural forces right now to extract my body from his. Consciously i pushed myself tighter against his side, needing to feel his arms around me, to convince myself that this was real. Because if i closed my eyes, and blocked everything out i could almost convince myself that i was at home in London in my own bed, and nothing had ever changed between us.

“Dez?” i whispered.

He was still for a moment, then “I thought you were asleep” he said softly, his husky voice sending a shiver down my spine.

“Not quiet”.

We lapsed back into silence as i tried to arrange my thoughts.

“What happened?” i asked and immediately wanted to take it back. I hadn’t been ready to ask that yet, i dont even think i was ready for teh answer. That hadn’t been what i was planning to say, yet somehow it had slipped out

I felt his body tense, the muscles in his arms tightening around my waist.

Finally he started to talk, and it was as though once he started he couldn’t stop.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen. God i missed you from the moment i got back on that plane. But when i got back to London, it was like i was trying to live a life that just didn’t exist anymore. Everywhere i went something reminded me of you. It was like trying to live a life that had some vital element missing. All the guys, they told me to get over you, to move on but i couldn’t, and then one day, i don’t even know why, i started to listen to them, maybe it was to shut them up, prove to them that i could live without you. But it wasn’t true, i struggled so hard. I started drinking, sleeping around, every night, a different bar, a different girl”, he choked out, the raw honestly making his voice crack.

I wanted to call you, to apologize, to beg you to forgive me, but every time i went to pick up the phone i stopped. I couldn’t come at you knowing how i had become. And then one day your friend called me, told me to get off my ass and fix it, so i booked a ticket and flew here, and well, you know the rest...” he finished, somewhat lamely and we fell into a heavy silence.

I wanted to scream at him, i want to tear him apart, make him feel half teh hurt i had. But for some reason there was no fight left in my body. I didn’t have the energy left to hate him.

“Silver?” he asked tentively.

With a sigh i rolled over till i was facing him and propped myself up on one elbow, looking down at his worried face. With one finger i lightly traced from his temple down to his lips, my hair falling over my shoulder and onto his face. Gently he reached up and pushed it back over my shoulder.

“I hated you” i whispered, “At first i was hurt, so hurt that i though my body was literally about to tear apart, then i got angry, angry and sad, i missed you, so much. But then that faded to, and i hated you. It was this heated passionate hate, and then suddenly you were here, and you were looking at me every day, your eyes following me where ever i was. And now, for some reason, i don’t hate you anymore. I can’t explain it, but i don’t. I want to, i want to tell Carter and Luke to take you to a dark alley somewhere and hurt you as much as you hurt me, but im not going to. Because for some stupid and incomprehensible reason, i don’t hate you”.