Seize the Day My Love [Marlene's story] - Pt 1 of Carpe Diem Series

1: Pieces of the Puzzle

Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. (Les Brown)

Hakuna Mojito - It means no memories for the rest of your night.

Who am I kidding, but only myself. Alcohol won't solve your problems. But when I was younger, it took over my life.

Earlier this morning, a stroke of fear came upon my shoulders as a ghastly presence entered my thoughts. What bothered me felt like goosebumps, ones that came over to pay a visit for a specific reason. Ones that would keep me from becoming sane again.

As my mind wandered; I couldn't get the last words out of my head. "Marlene, it' s over."

But I couldn't let it go, no matter how I tried.

Yes, I was in a depressed state of mind. Haven't seen a shrink in years, for I thought I could cope without them, but now I know I'm wrong. And that's why I'm here to sign up for the 12-step program, Mr. Dawson. I need to stop drinking and manage my craving.

Accidents just don't happen out of the blue, right? But fate has a funny way of showing it to me.

***************

Just came back to my hometown after living in California for a while as I had to clear my mind. I ventured out to the West Coast, but after two years of living with friends I only met through work, I grew homesick. Thus, I decided to fly back to Texas to live with my brother.

It was nice to see Joshua again, although I knew he was feeling down as well, but he never cared to share his past with me.

My brother was a former soldier that fought for our country, and I respected his privacy. Although, I had a hunch that it had to do with the trauma he faced during the war.

In order to help him out with the house payments, I found a secretarial job downtown. It didn't pay much, but at least I could get by without feeling guilty for staying at home for free.

***************

I was only fourteen when Joshua left for North Eastern Point Military Academy. My brother had big dreams to carry on our father's legacy.

However, I didn't want him to go and fly to New York, because Texas was so far away. But my brother assured me he'd be back on holidays to visit us.

As I was still young at that time, I wondered what it was like to fly to another state. Would it be better than staying in this town of Corpus Christi? And would I be treated differently if I were in my brother's shoes?

But no matter how I complained, my brother's mind was made up. We accompanied him to the airport that day and his flight would be taking off soon.

We couldn't go with him past the checkpoint area, because that was designated for those who had a boarding pass. So we said our quick goodbyes and hugged him. My mom was the one who was the most worried, because her only son would be leaving for military school and soon for combat.

And I ... I felt desperate back then. Even though I had friends who accompanied me in high school, I felt indifferent when it came to talking with my sister. Since we were the only two girls in the Brennan family besides my mom, I always felt like second best.

It's like a comparison between the two funniest characters in a silly cartoon -- where the wise- cracking rabbit was considered to be number one to the loony and crazy duck, who always ended up in second place.

Moira was my beautiful sister and couldn't top that. I respect her even though I felt like I'm riding in her shadows, just like the hand-me-down clothes my mother saves.