Zero.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Agent Zero
 
I KNEW that I was dreaming.
Just one look at my smooth knuckles proved to me that this wasn’t real. In the real world, my hands were bruised and battered from having to defend myself from the squads Chief kept sending after me. In the real world I would never feel the peace that surrounded me now.
Running a thumb over the smooth skin on my hands, I breathed in the ocean air. I was on a beach. The kind that only exist in movies or vacation pamphlets. The water was much too blue, and the sand felt warm on my bare feet. The sun setting painted the sky a brilliant orange.
As painfully beautiful as the sight before me was, it was only a reminder that I was definitely dreaming.
 The only time I dreamt, was when my mind wanted to torture me. As if my life wasn’t already messed up enough, my subconscious state decided to add more salt to my wounds. Wanted to constantly remind me that beauty like this didn’t exist in my world. But the fact that this beautiful beach wasn’t real, wasn’t what had my heart beating wildly against my chest. No, I could handle serene oceans with melodious waves. That was easy to shake when I woke up.
The truly painful part of this was knowing that if I was dreaming, then that meant he was here. If he was here, then I would be forced to remember him, just to be reminded when I woke that he was gone.
That was a pain that I had yet to understand how to shake.
“Anthony.” I whispered.
I didn’t know if he was always standing behind me, but he must have been, because at the sound of his name, I felt arms wrap themselves around my middle.
There was no denying the warmth that blossomed in my chest.
“I’m here.” he cooed into my ear. His voice only made this illusion that much worse. Immediately my eyes shut against the sting of tears.
Sometimes when I slept, he would appear to me, but never speak. I would just lay in his arms, content in his presence. This time, my dreams decided to add that much more hurt into my already broken heart.
“Why are you crying?” he asked.
“Because you’re not really here.” I couldn’t be sure if he understood me, my voice shook so badly, through the words I had to force myself to believe.
I had a mission to complete. I didn’t have time to allow myself to indulge in this fantasy. Anthony was gone. I loved a man I couldn’t remember, but the ache of his death still punched a hole in my heart. I longed to stay here with him, like this, to forget that I was on the run, that I had to kill Chief. For a few moments longer, I wanted to be Mila Stone, in love with a brown-eyed man named Anthony.
But that wasn’t me. Chief had made sure that any traces of Mila was buried.
I felt his arms gently tug me so I was facing him, but I still refused to open my eyes. I could never focus on his face before, but now it was all I saw. I knew opening them now, seeing him face to face would wreck me when I finally woke up.
“Mila.” he muttered, putting his warm hand to my face.
I squeezed my eyes shut, letting the tears stream down.
“I have to let you go" I sobbed. “I-I can’t focus right when you’re in my head. I need to focus on the mission.”
“Always about the mission.” He chuckled sadly. Even with my eyes shut, I knew that he would be wearing a lopsided smile. That his eyes would be bright with understanding, even though he wished things were different.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered.
With a strangled, gasp, I woke up.