"How have you been, Jack?" Allan asks me.
"I've been better. Simon and I are actually in a relationship now!" I tell him.
"And how is that going for you?" Allan asks me.
"It's going great," I say.
"That's good, Jack! I'm glad to hear it. Have you been writing any positive things about yourself?"
"Ah... No, actually," I admit shyly. "After our last session, I went home and wrote that I was honest, but that's it. I got depressed again and couldn't think of any more, and then I was friends with Simon again and just forgot about it."
"Does that mean you haven't been bruising yourself, either?"
"Yeah. I've been hanging out with Simon, mostly."
"How are your eating habits?"
"I... Unfortunately, still barely eat. I don't really get hungry that often."
"Have you been sleeping okay?"
"No," I admit.
"Do you think you're been worse, better, or about the same since our last session?"
"The same, yet... Also better? Does that make any sense?"
"I understand what you mean. Would you like to talk about anything that gets you depressed?"
"Mostly if I start to overthink around nighttime, I get really depressed. I haven't bruised myself since our last session, but I think that mostly has to do with the fact that I hang out with Simon so much and that I mostly don't feel like doing it."
"Have you thought about doing it again?"
"Sometimes, yeah, but only when I overthink."
"What do you usually overthink?"
"My future, I guess. My past. My relationship."
"What about those things?"
"How I feel hopeless about my future; how I should've been able to prevent killing my dad; how I feel like I'm a crappy boyfriend..." I sigh.
"What makes you think you're a bad boyfriend?"
"I don't know."
"Well, what makes you feel hopeless about your future?"
"I always feel like a complete idiot. I don't feel like I could have a good future."
"Why do you feel like an idiot?"
"I don't feel like getting into that."
"That's okay, Jack." Allan shifts in his chair to get more comfortable and looks at me seriously. "Why do you feel like you should have been able to prevent what happened to do your dad?"
"I should have been smarter. I should have been responsible enough to have avoided killing him. I should have done something, yet I acted out of my stupid fear..."
"Exactly, Jack. You acted out of fear - which is something everyone does. Did you know there have been up to 350 justifiable murders in 2017?"
"Murdering my dad wasn't justifiable."
"What makes you say that? You didn't kill him just because you wanted to. You were scared, Jack, and you acted out of self-defense. That's completely justifiable."
I don't say anything.
"I want to ask one more thing," Allan says. "Does your mom know about your relationship with Simon?"
YOU ARE READING
Devil's Train
Teen Fiction"You must be mistaken," I tell him. "I come to these train tracks every day and I've never seen you around before." The boy smirks at me. But it's more like a grin of mischief. I'm not sure what to do or even think. He shoves his hands into the pock...
