Suicide Killed The Body, Not The Soul

Suicide Killed The Body, Not The Soul (1)

I held the knife to my arm, but this time I wasn't planning on cutting it for the satisfaction. I was cutting it to end it all. I held it close to my wrist, at the artery.  Was I really going to do this? Something so drastic to what they call a "temperary problem?" But would it stop if I didn't do it? Would all the pain go away if I lowered the knife, put it back in the drawer, and walked away? The pain would never cease to exist. So I had to do this. It was the only solution. But what would Emily think of this? Would she hate me? She adored me, would that love turn to hate ones I slice my skin open. I couldn't think about Emily right now. I was the one with the problem, not her. And the problem would never be fixed until I was gone from this earth and somewhere safer... free.... happier. Happier than I was now.

I pressed down harder with my knife. I closed my eyes and cut from left to right. I watched as red blood oozed out of the wound and ran down my arm. I felt pain as my body screamed at me to stop this. In a fit of panic, from seeing the blood, I quickly sliced the other arm to finish the deed. The pain was unbearable and I dropped the knife on the kitchen floor. I fell to my knees, gallons of blood flowing from my wrists. I collapsed on my side, my eyes wide open. My body began to shake uncontrollably and I began to pray.

"Please forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned," I said clutching the silver cross around my neck, "Hail, Mary, full of grace, the lord is with thee," I recited the whole Hail Mary, then started all over again. It felt like hours. I started to feel dizzy as I watched the blood flow all around me on the floor, making a beautiful pattern.My blond hair began to get crusty and I felt a tear slip down my cheek from my blue eyes as I forced them closed. It hurt to breathe, as if I had a pin in my side, but I let one last breath out before my body froze.

I suddenly felt like I had woken up from an afternoon nap. My eyes flung open and I sat up. After a few moments I slowly got myself up from the ground, my legs felt like jello. I looked from side to side, I was still in the kitchen. Everything was normal. The half opened bread was still sitting on the counter and the glass of milk, that I told my mom I would drink later, was sitting next to it. Then I turned around and looked down, there I was. My body laying helpless and surrounded by blood. My skin was so pail it was almost like paper, and all the pink was gone from my lips. I stared in awe at what I had done to myself.

I, then, heard the door being unlocked and the sound of my mothers favorite pair of heels click-clacking on the tile floor.

"Clare? You home? Did you not have practice today?" My mother said coming into the kitchen with a paper bag of groceries. She stopped dead when she saw my lifeless body on the ground, "Clare?" She whispered.

"Mom!" I yelled, "I'm here! I'm right here! Look at me!"

"Clare!" She screamed, "No!"

"I'm here, Mom! I'm right here!"

"No, Clare! Not you! Not you!"

"I'm okay, Mom! Just look up!" I screamed

My mom clutched the head of my corpse and rocked back and forth as she sobbed

"Mom?" I said.

Then I suddenly felt something grab my arm and pull me up. I went tumbling into thin air. Lights streaming on me and wind rushing in every direction. I tried to scream but it was muffled. I was grabbed, again, and pulled backwards. I went tumbling once more, this time in complete darkness.  I was grabbed on one arm and then grabbed again on the other. It was too dark to see but something was pulling me right and the other left. I screamed and screamed, only to have each one silenced by the wind. My hair was going in different directions and my clothes were being torn. I was ripped from one of the arms and pulled backwards into the darkness. My eyes became usless so I closed them, they were getting too dry anyway.

The wind suddenly stopped and a bit of light fell on my face, but I kept my eyes closed. I was thrown onto something cold. My hair began to get wet and goose bumps rose on my skin. It felt like I was sitting on ice and I quickley opened my eyes. I was at an ice rink, I had my winter coat and gloves on and was lying on my beack on the ice. Children were skating around me, laughing, pointing, and throwing ice on me. My face began to feel hot and sticky as an iceball struck my lip. I looked around me, I remembered this. It was at Jenny's birthday party. She had invited me because she felt bad that I didn't have any friends... but her friends weren't happy about it. They had pushed me down and threw ice and snow at me. I remembered this... but why was I back here?