The Letters that were marked with a heart

Letter 12 (Dodge's Pov)

(school 5th - too far Dodge)

'Dear all,
Today wasn't great, to be completely honest. But at least I don't have another month of this. Dodge punched me today, and everything was made worse by Quinn and Amanda was crying again. Lea disappeared after school to meet Fiona's brother and I have a bad feeling about it, it was 2 days ago and she hasn't been speaking about it. He hasn't been to school. And police collected her today for questioning.

Only, however many days left. And I'm leaving this all behind me. All the pain, all the tears and everyone that cares about me. It's breaking my soul, and I can't go on. I just can't, and I'm so sorry.
Pandora xxx'

I'm sat with the others in a cafe next to the hospital, it's mid-morning now and Lea is still sedated. I am warning them about what happened. Quinn looks at me and says, "I'm sorry you had to see that. She has periods of anxiety and anger outbursts sometimes, the best thing you can do is talk to her. And slowly sit next to her." I nod. Josie looks at me and nods, "Lea has her own problems, like me. I have struggled with an eating disorder in the past few years." I didn't know that and now I'm wondering how I missed it. Josie is a small girl with a slim figure and tight cheekbones. Simon hugs her into him. And pecks her forehead lightly, "you are so beautiful swan, don't you ever forget that." he whispers, I can just about hear it.

"So what do we do now?" Fiona is sat with us and asks. "We read the letter I guess, then we talk about what happened. Or we could say screw it and do whatever we like." I reply, my eyes are glistening with tears but I am still staying strong. For the moment. "I say we go for a hike up mount Jill and talk about all that has happened." Eve chimes in. I nod, then I realise that I have to do this without Lea and something doesn't sit right about that. But I go anyway.

"So Dodge, what happened a month ago?" Fiona asks, and for a second Pandora flash into my vision then out of it again. I shake the image out and take a deep breath in. "It was a school day and Amanda had been getting ton my back about me liking someone again. Quinn kept telling me that the only escape route was h&d. But I couldn't, breaking some girls or guys heart like that it's horrible. Then Amanda pinned Pandora to the wall and told me that I had to hit her or kiss her, Quinn joined in and then Lea saw it. My fist hitting her friends cheek, and her squealing onto the floor. And Amanda laughing about how dumb the whole thing was. And I stormed away." I look away from the group as we climb up. It's a steep climb and I am helping Kay and Oliver up as we go.

"Dodge we all do things we regret. Its part of being human. Saying sorry to those we hurt is the best thing we can do. And you were mature enough to do so which is great." Kay says, she looks at Oliver and he nods. Then I realise looking out from the top of the mountain that we are all still young and we make mistakes adults do too. It's about what we do to make things better. Like sweeping up the mess we made or saying sorry. Or being completely honest because that helps.

You stand still. And the world spins by without you. And you are left wondering what has changed. Then it hits, the realisation of what is now reality. Pandora really is gone, and we are morning her. Standing at the top of a mountain with our friend in hospital. Don't sit there and judge us. Say we should just get on with it, it's not that easy... And you know that. Everyone does. My name is Maxwell and I love a girl somedays, a guy others and they are beautiful regardless. And I wouldn't change anything about her for the world.

My heart lurches and I realise that I'm crying. After everything that's happened I knew it was coming. Then the group crowds around me and I see that their eyes are filled with tears as well. And Kay speaks up, "We lost our friend. Our hearts are in pieces, and the reality is she is gone. It's hard but in time we will be better. I know we will. Max we are here with you; all of us understand. We are a team; the giant, the swan, the lion, the karate kid, the dove and our Dodgem. So don't keep this all in. You never have to go through this alone. Never." She is crying and I am too. "Come here." Simon hugs me and I just give in and cry on his lower chest. It's like that moment you see the clouds lifting away. And the sun pokes its head through. I wish Lea was here, she would say something beautiful and I would kiss her forehead and hug her into me.

We have all lost something. That doesn't mean we should give up. Or give in, it means we should appreciate what we have left. If you are reading this please tell the person you see with a fake smile that they are amazing. The ones that don't reach their eyes, a moment can change someone's life, One second can alter your whole future and we can all make the world a better place one smile at a time. That is my challenge to you, make it your mission to make someone else's day better. Smile at them or wave, make their day better. Just do it, because if there is one moral to this story it's that we should all support those around us and I should have stayed with Pandora that day. Lea has no clue that I was with her 5 hours before she died. And I can breathe the air up here and I hear this voice inside saying "it's going to be alright Max, you are all going to be okay." And that voice is Pandora, the girl I knew, not the one who hated herself but the one who loved everyone else.

I look at the town below and I know that everyone has heard by now. Mrs Issac, the postman, the whole town. It's been a week, since Pandora was found. A week in which we have cried, laughed, screamed, sang and most of all lived. We have had our ups and downs, our swirling paths and our track repairs. But that's how it is, our friend is with the other angels in heaven. And I hope she is happy and in peace. We can keep her memories alive, and make new ones. Dance off into another glorious sunset like we all did last year, and I miss her the old Lea. The carefree, beautiful girl I love. She will be back, and I want nothing more than to stand beside her for the rest of our lives. Life is not perfect, it is messy and stressful. We have to find our diamonds amongst the crust of coal lying on the surface. And I have found mine. Giving up is not an option, maybe things won't work out exactly how we want them to but that my friends is life. Life goes on, make the best of it.

Then I hear my phone, "everybody's dancing in the moonlight...". "Hello, yes that's me what is going on?" It's a hospital nurse calling about Lea, she says that she will have to go home tomorrow morning. And we have one more letter to cover today, then we will have a sleepover because it's been a week and I think we could all do with a pick me up. "Well... What's the news Dodgifer?" Red wing asks. "Lea is out tomorrow. On meds and everything, she will be groggy for the first few days." Poor Lea, that's what we are all thinking. And I know that we have to keep moving, "Come on guys we have more stuff to do." I start hiking back down the mountain. "Hey wait for us." Oliver and Kay say in unison.

"We all do things we regret in life Freeze, just remember that I love you no matter what son. I have to go for all of our goods, tell Apple I love her will you." I remember the day dad left, suitcase packed mum screaming at Eve while he walked out. They had their problems, she was her horrible self and he was angry at times. He left to get better, a drug clinic. He went to get better. We haven't heard anything since, that was when I was 7. I'm 15 now. I miss him, of course I do. But walking down this mountain I can't help but smile and hope that he is better.