The Letters that were marked with a heart

letter 5 (Leo's pov)

(escape - to the forest Dodge, me and Jodie)

"Dear All,
I know you are looking for answers, you won't find them in these locations. You'll find them within yourselves, within my stories. You see no one can tell you why I'm going. Not even me. And although I may say a million things, but no one thing caused it all.
I can't tell you that it wasn't because of the bullying, or the death of Dad, or a feeling that there is nothing left to live for. You see everything got to me too much, day after day and now I'm weak. Crying on my bed, writing these words and adding them to the pile. It really isn't long now. And I'm still not scared. I suppose I didn't expect to be but to most people that must seem strange.
Today I saw Toby, Keith and Harris. They chanted at me "whose the bitch who will break your heart? Pandora. Pandora. Pandora." Every coridor, every moment. Harris was my boyfriend last year, until he fell in love with me and I didn't feel the same. But I knew it was best to make him leave, so he wasn't torn to shreds by this. I can't tell him why because he will stop me. But I'm so exhausted, and the hill is too steep to climb so I'm stuck midway trying not to fall backwards. But it's better to let go. Sometimes we all get a little tired, or scared but you have to live. No matter what you have to try and smile, mine is gone and life itself feels like death. It's hard but I know I'm doing the right thing for me.
Lots of love from Pandora."

I felt male again. Leo, I instinctively put on blue jeans and a blue t-shirt. We have exams soon, in little more than a week in fact. Pandora hated study leave because she couldn't ever focus. I loved it because of three things music, friends and the lack of annoying boys. You see we would do revision at school in the library every day because everyone else went home. But this letter wasn't about that, it was about the annoying boys in her class and us all escaping to the woods. Pandora had a boyfriend up until last year when he fell in love with her and she said she didn't feel the same. I never got why until now, this plan was set into motion a long time ago without my knowledge. She ran into the forest that day mascara running down her cheeks, I was there because it's a long cut to school and I hadn't wanted to go in at all. I sang locked away and we sat there talking until the end of school. Dodge ran out at lunchtime into the forest and he talked to us. That was the first time either of us understood Dodge at all. He had been yelled at by Quinn for being a sissy, or in other words refusing to hump and dump Amanda Nickels, he got annoyed in maths and threw a desk out of the window where Quinn was sat. I refused to talk to Quinn for a month after that, it was the beginning of the end. Amanda was a nice girl who flirted with Quinn then dragged him along more than once, I respect her because she did so, to prove I couldn't trust him. Amanda was my primary school book buddy and looked out for me, Dodge wasn't that kind of guy. Pandora didn't get along with Amanda and I didn't get along with Kay. So we made a deal to see them on our own time.

Looking back I realise that Pandora avoided conflict at all costs. After the telephone call, she never had her phone on loudspeaker. It was the day of the car crash, my dad was annoyed with my brother and they were yelling. We could hear them on the phone and if her dad hadn't tried to stop them fighting he wouldn't have swerved into the rear-end of a truck and died. I didn't like talking about travelling or the idea. I see Dodge in the hall, he's dressed and handsome his red hair looks fiery in the morning sunlight and his eyes are twice as piercing. His lips seem deeper and more chewed than cared for than they were at the start of the week. My hair is still black, I have to dye it soon. I think I'll go for Blue this time. I open my door and Dodge smiles, "Good morning king of the lions." I kiss him for a minute or so, it seems like a year though. We are interrupted by the rest of the group having a breakfast picnic in the back garden as the spring sun and daffodils are out. My mother calls us down and says we have toast for breakfast, and that we will sit outside.

We sit with everyone, Evelyn and Simon, Dodge's step-sister and Oliver's best friend. Evelyn was a small anxious girl with mousey brown hair and grey eyes, she was partially blind in her left eye. So her depth perception was completely off, often she walked into things or people at school and she became known for it. Bullied for it, Dodge was her bodyguard. She was in science class when Selena McCarthy squirted acid into her left eye because she wouldn't give her Dodge's number. That was year 8, Josie who is in her year cleaned her eye out and told the teacher to call the nurse. I saw the ambulance on the playground later. Of course, no one knew what was happening, only Josie and her science class had any idea. Dodge went with her, his eyes were full of tears and he seemed helpless. I wanted to help him but I knew I couldn't. So I closed my eyes and prayed for them during class.

Simon was a Cyan haired giant, twice the height of Oliver which was saying something as he wasn't exactly small. But he wasn't quite a giant either, but if he was he would be the friendly one who would look out for the little guy. I liked Simon he was bisexual and kind. He always had food on him in some way or another. "Dodge did I hear you and Lion are together now?" Evelyn smiles like Cheshire cat which makes Dodge go bright red. I nod. "I'm happy for you." She giggles and he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. And with a drink or two in silence breakfast is over. Then we all walk to the forest together and I explain what happened. Everlyn's good eye is glistening in the sunlight, it's like a tiger's eye gemstone and I always admired her courage no matter who was picking on someone else she would shove them off and shout back. She wasn't weak and she never let others know that she was breaking after the acid incident she stayed strong. She fought back harder than ever before and I admired her for that. She wasn't a girly girl by any standard, but she had a natural elegance about her.

I walk next to Simon he seems sadder than usual but he still smiles down at me, "She would want you to be happy Leo. We can't just pretend that she isn't gone but we shouldn't be too sad either. I'm here if you ever need to talk Lion. I know this is hard and you have been through it before but you'll get through this. You are strong." He looks me in the eyes hand on my shoulder, "You can always talk to me, no matter what okay?" There was always something kind about Simon something enchanting, something beautiful at a different level. He had a scar on his face from his past his house caught on fire and he was the only one who survived, he was placed in foster care along with a teddy bear and a tiny bit of hope. And a heart-shaped burn that covered his mouth and some of his chin, his mouth was still scarred but it reminded him of the strength he had. Oliver had an abusive father so he too ended up in foster care. That's where they met, Simon was quiet but he stood up for others when they couldn't stand up for themselves.

In the centre of the forest Fiona stands with Quinn, she stares at me like a lion stares at its prey. Simon stands in front of me with Dodge, "Have you got a problem?" Simon crosses his arms and stares down at them. "Not with either of you, but with the mouse behind you. Fight your own battles scaredy-cat." Fiona snarls fiercely. I nod at the others and step forward. "What the hell is your problem?!" I shout at her. She rolls her eyes, "You are my problem, you are pathetic! You don't think about me, or how I felt when you ran off with my brother and he didn't come back. He drowned because of you and your actions. And now I want pay back." She screeches fists pounding at her side as she shudders with anger. Then she swings at my face I move out of the way. She kicks me in the gut and I go down onto the twig covered forest floor. Then Evelyn arm barges her to the floor and helps me up. "Tell me what really happened B*****!" she screams getting back up and struggling forwards while being held back by Simon.

"It was two months ago, in this forest. We had gone to the woods because he wanted to tell me a secret. Then I remember him offering me a drink, and my vision went blurry. He must have drugged it. He started pulling off my clothes and I pushed him off. He stumbled back into a tree and knocked himself out, then he tumbled down the hill to the edge of the lake. I could barely stand, he was breathing and I had to get out of there. I didn't know he was gasping for air. I didn't think about it. Not until I got to the police station and they told me what had happened. It was self-defence he had a knife and I was scared. It haunts me still. Your brother tried to rape me. And he said he was goin to..." I explain she falls to the ground crying. She knew what he meant he wasn't the most stable of guys but I didn't want him dead.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realise that my own brother was like that. I'm truly sorry that you had to go through that." Fiona sobs. "You couldn't have known. I didn't want to tell you because you deserved to believe your brother was a good guy. And I'm sorry you had to find out like this. I'm sorry I couldn't save him." She shakes her head, "He tried to hurt you I understand why you did what you did. And it wasn't your fault."

For the first time, I understand Fiona she just wanted her brother back. He was nice for a long time but a few months ago he changed when he was alone. He was 24 and he never did come out of that forest. I sometimes wonder what really happened to him was he always like that or did something just snap. I'll never know I guess but I hope we can move forward with our lives. Someday somehow we will all get better.