Le Madame Red

Totally not my type...

A shiny red leather heel kicked a guy in the groin. She placed a mask over his head and threw him in the trunk. Time to get a move on. A lady has places to be and things to do at all times. No dillydallying. Chop chop. 

"Madame Red," the man spoke.

"Did I fucking give you permission to speak?" Grell slapped him with the riding crop hiding in her boot. He shook his head. "That's what I thought," Grell slammed the trunk down and got in the passenger side of the vehicle. Her driver, however, didn't seem to understand the urgency of 'getting a move on.'

"Kidnapping? Grell, I didn't sign up for this!!!" Adrian was too terrified to start the car.

"I'm Madame Red, fucking idiot. Now start the car! It's all part of the act, Adrian," she sighed. Some people never learn.

"No, wait, if you get a fancy name I want one too. Like, uh, Undertaker, since I'm going to undertake you to the hideout," Adrian wanted to die. That was 100% the worst thing he could've said.

"Chop, chop, dumbass," Grell rolled her eyes. Adrian regretted all of his life choices and started the car. Money. Think about the sweet money. It was all for the money. Money, money, money.

. . .

"Have you been a good boy?" Grell slid the riding crop along his face. Their client was tied to the table. Permission to speak was granted a while ago but he hadn't said anything. Must be more fun if you don't talk. Adrian didn't fucking know. This wasn't his fetish. He just stood in his awkwardly tight leather pants and watched. All he could do was watch. The whimpering made him laugh. He tried not to laugh. But, this guy was so pathetic he couldn't handle it. Stop. Stop laughing. Be good for the money. Money-senpai would be disappointed in you for laughing. Fucking stop chuckling to yourself, asshole, do you want this guy to notice?

"Did Undertaker just laugh at me?" was the first thing the guy said. Oh shit. Madame Red did not look pleased. Why did that have to be what made him talk? Fuck. There goes Money-senpai, taking the kids and the rent money with him. Come back to Adrian, please? He never wanted this divorce. 

"Did you just fucking laugh at him?" she asked, before slamming her hand down on the table. "That's my damn job. Tiny dick here doesn't get laughed at unless I say he gets laughed at."

"Tiny dick?" the client seemed excited. This sick fucker. Adrian hated this job. Fuck you leather pants. Fuck you Money-senpai. He doesn't need either one of you. He is a strong independent young adult gay man. He can survive in this world sucking dick in the back of a bathroom just to show you he doesn't need your bullshit. 

"Undertaker, call his dick tiny," Grell pointed to the appendage. As far as dicks go, not that Adrian had seen a lot in his life, he didn't exactly have a tiny dick.

"Oh, no, I don't think I can," Adrian raised his hands and noped out of this. He was far too awkward to get caught up in the kinky play shit. That was all for Madame Red. She had the boots and everything. 

"I'm paying you," Grell growled, "to get shit done." Without realizing, she had pressed the riding crop against Tiny Dick's neck and was choking him. He couldn't breathe but was trying to mumble his safe word.

"Vatican Cameos!" Adrian frantically waved his arms around.

"Oh now you want to be use- wait, what?" Grell looked down and raised her arm immediately. "Oh shit, are you okay? Guess I just sap the life out of people. Goddamn."

Tiny Dick nodded and regained his breath. "Apologies, dear, Undertaker is new and gay. He doesn't understand the ways of a straight mind," Grell confessed. 

"Hey! That's my news to dish out! You can't just tell strangers I'm gay!" Adrian frowned.

"Honey, you walk on the street and the whole world already knows. It isn't a secret anymore," Grell shook her head. Adrian screamed homosexual. Just look at him, with that hair and those eyes and his usual outfit (not the one he was wearing now, obviously, but you know the one...that outfit that just screams 'eternally anxious gay panic').

"You're gay?" Tiny Dick looked impressed. "So, you've seen a lot of dicks then, right? Is mine..."

"I haven't seen that many dicks," Adrian stopped the question right there. People can't just assume him to be sexually active just because he is gay. Honestly. He has a hard enough time flirting as it is...

Tiny Dick looked defeated. Adrian inhaled and exhaled. He took a nice long look at the client's dick, just hanging out in the open. It really wasn't that tiny. But, for the good of the cause...

"Your dick is the tiniest. Absolutely 100% smallest dick I've ever seen. Truthfully, sardines might be bigger. Scratch that, I think I've seen bacteria under a microscope bigger than your dick. You're a pathetic excuse for man, you know that? Totally not my type," Adrian spewed out insult after insult. He just kept going. Madame Red smiled. Oh, how children grow up so fast.

. . .

"I'm really not cut out for this," Adrian sighed and took a big sip of his coffee. Grell's treat. The two sat on a bench, still in full kink gear, drinking coffee in the middle of the city. Totally normal. Who wouldn't? Coffee is meant to be enjoyed.

"Mm," Grell nodded. "Totally not. Adrian you're the worst. But Undertaker might not be so bad," Grell winked. She slid Adrian a bundle of bills. "Tiny Dick likes you. Tell me if Undertaker wants to come back," Grell smiled, stood up, and walked away with a hop in her step. Hair flowing majestically in the wind. What a sight. Did she step out of a movie or something? What was that one movie...what was it called...fifty somethin' or other...Adrian couldn't remember. 

Adrian sighed. He did a lot of sighing. The money was nice. He should suck it up and deal with this. "I can do this!" he announced to the pigeons. "I can be the best damn dominatrix sidekick I can be!" he stood up and pointed at the pigeons. "Don't try to tell me otherwise you government spies!"

And with that, he went back to that drug filled apartment smelling of sex and sweat. But this time, with a hop in his step too. Money-senpai would come crawling back to him, just you wait...