The Price You Will Pay

Time alone

We sit there in silence it seems like a long time. He finally says Crystal please I keep telling you to just relax I am not going to hurt you. I said I'm sorry what feels like I've said it a hundred times just today. He says you want me to put music on or the tv so you feel less odd? I said yeah music is great. He says is it okay if I turn on the radio? I said yes silly. He puts it on and of course its Deleyla After Dark. I feel my pulse in my neck. I am having flashbacks backs to the night it ended between Clay and me.

He comes back and sits, he says okay tell me whats the problem? What are you afraid of? Jacs puts his hand on my shoulder, I feel the heat of it. He turns y fa ce to him. He says Crystal look at me please. I follow his directions. He says talk to me. I take another sip a big sip of the wine and let myself feel it when I swallow it. I am listing to the radio in the back ground. Then as if God don't hate me enough the song comes on . I feel my temper coming in side me. I hear Ill stand by you. I look at him and said I don't want to get hurt again. I have a. broken heart my husband and my own family broke my heart. I feel the tears coming down my cheeks. He looks at me and says you can tell me the whole story. I said it is not worth the effort. I said it happened it is and here I am.

He looks at me in the eyes and says can I hug you ? Now I'm feeling like a idiot. I reach for him. He holds me so tight I almost feel like I am going to cry. He hugs me tighter. I need to feel this I am hurt. I start to cry he says let it out . I do I cry omg do I cry. I am being held I am sad and mad. I let it out. It feels like I'm crying for so much it is all going a million miles a hour in my head. He just let me cry. I feel the wet spot on his shoulder I feel embarrassed. I finally stop I have no idea how long I have been crying. He just sat there said nothing let me cry. I start to pull my face away I think I must look like a wreck. I look up at him, he says its okay. I wipe my face. He says hay you look beautiful its okay to cry. I think this can not be real. He holds my hand and says don't talk just relax okay. I nod my head. He hands me my wine, I take it. He says want me to go get you a face cloth or anything? I said no can you excuse me I am gonna go the bathroom.

I am in the bathroom I look in the mirror and think lord lady you look awful. I run cold water over my face and look at my self. I take a deep breath and wipe my face off. I know I have to pull my shit together. I walk back out he is just sitting there. I walk over to the couch and sit. He says you feel any better? I said yeah I guess. I sit next to him. He pulls me close and says thank you for today. It was nice watching you and the boys have fun. I said Jac thank you for today the kids loved it. He says I am always here. If you would for a moment stop worrying,

He says its been a long day ill let you get to bed. Are you okay? I said yes I am thank you again. He says hay think about my invite to you and the boys to coming to the pool at my house. He says Ill cook on grill and you guys can swim. I look at him. I said okay ill let you know. He says what a yes that easy I must be making progress. We both laugh. I walk him to the door and he says good night and walks away.

I close the door and just stand there . This has been a crazy day. I walk to my bedroom and just lay down. I don't even have energy to get undressed, the cry took all my energy out . Like all the air in the ballon just escaped. I fall asleep with out a issue. All of a sudden I hear the boys. I jump up and look at the clock. I sleep till 7am. What no tossing and turning? I say a quiet thank you to God. Man we have a love hate relationship God and myself.

I get out of bed and walk to there room. Its Sunday so we don't have to rush any place. I said hay guys I'm gonna get coffee if you need me ill be in kitchen. As I walk into living room I notice a peace of paper on the floor by the door. I go pick it up. Its from Jac , it says open door have a great Sunday talk soon and thank you for yesterday. I slowly open the door. I see a dozen donuts and flowers and juice. I laugh to my self this guy is too much. The boys hear me open the door and come running. They see the donuts and are yelling mom donuts . I hand the box to them and off they go. I think a sugar high bus coming my way. I pick up the vase of flowers and smell them they are beautiful.