The Price You Will Pay

They come in 3

I felt bad hanging up but I just got to clear my head. He knows people that's how he know wear I live and work? He does not take no as a option I see. I think I just need to maybe talk to a friend . I am not sure if he is someone I should talk to . He seems so nice , but I wish I could not be so freaked out.

My boys are my world. I know I don't get to go many places with them. I jus don't have the money. I know Clay has had them around that bimbo and her kid. But why am I so nervous about taking him up on taking all of us out. I don't like to owe anything to him. I will just call my sister talk about it. Dam I wish my mom was alive she could always help out. She was a good person to open up to. And a good judge of character.Thanks God again for taking her away. Here I go again being mad a God. I truly gotta stop that I'm gonna go to hell. Wait my life has been hell how much worse could the real place be?
I finally get threw the weekend. I did not hear from him at all . I am feeling bad but I just don't know what how to deal with this.

I can't wait for the boys to get home. I hope they had fun. I just pray I don't have to see that women. I say a silent prayer that Clay comes alone. I have to go meet him. So I decided I'm gonna play some up beat music and arrive with a happy out look.
I pull into dunks I have a few I'm early I'm getting a coffee. No drive threw this time. Perfect no line I'm feeling pretty lucky. I get my coffee it's actually made perfect. This is a good sign I tell myself .

I get into car and drive over to meet Clay but I don't see his car. I think nothing of it I'm going to enjoy my coffee  and wait.  Then I see a strange car pulls up. Then I realize who is in the car. Great just great it's her.How is this happing. Clay best be in that car. She pulls up next to me and rolls down her window. I think no way is this real. She is pestering for me to open my window . I think just shoot me God. I am still in my work uniform, I have no make up on. I am so sure I look like a hot mess. I put on my best smile I can feel my jaw lock. I put my window down. She says hi my name is Cat Im dating Clay. He got called in to work. I am so sorry he did not want to be late so I have the boys. I look in the back seat there are 3 boys, I see her kid. I think darilek . This is not nice of me but I am not happy. I said oh so nice to meet you. 

I know my voice must sound 100% fake. But hello this is not planned I am kinda struggling here. I said thank you so much. I say boys hello. Let me help you get your stuff. Her son looks at me. I smile my best fake smile. She gets out of car just as I get out of mine. I look at her she is younger than me. Perfect and skinner. Perfect. I think druggy welfare whore, hay im not proud . Its not my best time. I get the boys and I can not get in the car fast enough. She says nice to meet you ill see you again. I think I fucking hope not. I said no thank you for being so helpful. Have a great night. I feel my skin crawling. I just drive away. I try to just talk anything to the boys to block the tears I feel coming. I can't let them see me upset. They are clueless they just talk about what they did. I am so grateful right now. I got this, survivor mode. 

We get to the apartment. I am now feeling so tired I just want to go to sleep. The boys are still talking I am listing but truly I am stuck in my own head. I say boys lets put our stuff away. We have to get up early tomorrow. I see them look at me like what? I remind them the bus and school. Hunter gives me a look . I was like what is wrong kid? He says mom are you mad? I said why would I be mad? He says mom you look mad. I think great this kid is reading me. Perfect. I said lets get a moving if you wanna play in the tub. That changes it all. They are off and moving. I think to my self good save Crystal. I think I want a glass of wine. Then it dawns on me the boys will be  very confused. Because mommy does not do that. 

Finally tub time is over and its bed time. I say a silent thank you to God. For once I am thanking him instead of blaming him. They are tired so bed went smooth. I am still upset I just want on put on my pjs and go to bed. But I know my head will think about the exchange all night. I try to tell my self it is what it is let it go. Only if it was that easy.