The Price You Will Pay

Weekend with out boys

Well I am off to meet Clay to give him the boys. I know I am not looking forward to it. I still hurt when I see him. But he boys are so excited I play along for them. They miss him and I understand.
Away we go. I think I may grab a coffee on the way I'm kinda tired . The weeks long. We are right next to where we are meeting Clay. I'm in line the boys want some munchkins. I say ok but wait till you get to dads truck. I am next , I look out towards parking lot and there I see them. Shit he did bring her . The lady asks me can I help you ? I'm thinking yeah help me not look upset. I order my coffee and now I lost my whole mood for it. Then Owen says mom our munchkin? I was like crap I lost my train of thought . I order them and I realize I gotta snap out of this . I tell Owen thanks kid mommy almost forgot. He says so innocently mommy that's why you need coffee silly. I laugh and tell him you got it right kid. Now I gotta face this shit . I have no right to be mad or upset. But yet I am. I can't go back and fix anything this is the new way now. But inside im mad the boys will get to know her . Then I think of the ice cream incident. I need to get a grip. So I put on a big smile and greet Clay like nothing is wrong. The boys run into his arms it kills me.
We exchanged a few words. Nothing great . We decided what time we will meet Sunday. Inside I want to say where are you staying with the boys and is she gonna be around all weekend? With her kid. But none of that I have control of. I just think it.

As I drive away I'm mad. I have to stop this. I never touched the coffee I'm now upset and think I need a drink . But I don't have anything. I decide to go the package store I'm a big girl I'm getting wine . Yeah that will help me and dam it I'm taking a candle light bath with a glass of wine .
I know there is a package store on way home across from the gym. I pull in and think you got this girl. Kids are away I'll have me time. I walk in and look around I don't know much about wine . I find the way to the isle . As I'm scanning the bottles. Then I hear my name . Crystal hi . I think who the hell is this? I turn and there he is Jac. Omg is he like following me? Crap and I look dreadful I'm upset I'm tired. I turn and there he is. Why me?
He acts like he runs into me at the package store all the time. I look at him blankly. I did not know you liked wine? I'm like how would you I don't know you . You don't know me. I said I didn't know you drank either. He says well to be honest I don't . But I was standing there and there he was? I am not following him I just look at him. He says listen Crystal I was at the gym. I looked across the street saw you walking in here. Please don't freak out. I just look at him. He says I'm sorry. I shrug my shoulders. Like this day couldn't suck anymore I think. I just want to take a bath have a glass of wine. Is God truly testing me 24/7?

So he changes subject. Hay you look upset, you okay? I don't say anything. He says this wine picks up a bottle and says some story about why it's a good choice . I have no idea if he is blowing smoke up my ass I know nothing . He says let me buy it for you to make up for making this so bad. I see how up set you are and Crystal I was not trying to up set you . He starts walking away with bottle in his hand. I just follow him. He looks like a puppy. Sad and confused. I think what now? I say hay Jac it's okay I had a ruff evening I'm sorry.
He turns to me and says hay I'm a good listener. I say no thanks I'm okay. He says hay are the boys with there Dad? I look at him thinking I can't lie. I said yes I just dropped them off. He says oh it didn't go well ha? I said I don't want to talk about it. He says hay listen let's go to the pub across the street they make great pizza. Wait don't panic Crystal no drinking just pizza and friends.

I am upset what now? He is at the register and he pays for the wine. He looks at me and says what do you think? Pizza? I finally find my voice I say okay . All along I'm not comfortable I'm feeling like I may puke. Please don't let anyone I know be there. God are you listening? He says let's walk over. He walks to my car. I just follow. He looks at me wanna just put this in there? Hello crystal? I say im sorry I'm tired I just wanna go home. He looks at me and says okay I'm sorry i am not trying to make your day worse. He hands me the wine and says go relax. I think yes i did it. He then says good night . Oh how about tomorrow night? I cringed. What about it? He says let's get together tomorrow night? I say oh I'm sorry I am working. He says after. I said oh I am not sure what time I'm gonna get out. He says okay , well I tried. Have a good weekend.
He turns and walks away. I think thanks you God. But I also feel bad and sad. Why? I watch him walk away. Then I said hay I'm sorry you have been nothing but kind. I'm not being nice. Let's go get pizza.
He turns and smiles. Good let's go .