The Price You Will Pay

This is crazy why me?

I am still a little thrown off about that guy Jac. But I am grateful to be busy. I am adjusting to the new job. I never thought I would be driving a school bus. I dreamed I would be a nurse making big money. Living the American dream with my high school sweet heart. Going home to my simple but beautiful home. But that did not happen. Now I live in a apartment complex and my high school well my childhood sweat heart is not mine anymore. But I look at the boys and I know I still have a lot to be grateful for.

Hunter is getting adjusted to being on the bus so long. Owen loves it because he is still excited about going to school. So that part of the world is getting a little easier. I go to the gym tomorrow in between bus runs. So I have to figure that out into what to bring when we get up so early for the bus. So I tell Hunter as we are getting ready to settle down for the night. He says oh cool are we getting ice cream too? I said no we are not. He looks at me sad but Mom I like ice cream. I said we all do . He says if the guy is there can I ask him to get ice cream. I said no you are not asking that. It was a one time thing with him kid. He says but he liked us. I said Hunter I am not having this conversation with you. Is there any thing you would like to bring to the gym after the bus? He says maybe a movie. Good that worked he os off he subject. One score for mommy.

Once both boys fall asleep I have time to just unwind a little. But now I am nervous that if jack is there . I should not give a crap he has been there other times I was at gym. I remind myself just do your job and stay focused. You don't need any other problems in your life. I have to work this weekend the boys will be with Clay. I am glad I have to work only because it will keep me busy when they are with there Dad. Then I think crap will he be with that girl? Stop I think this is not gonna help me sleep.

I fell like I just fell asleep when the alarm goes off. Its time to get a moving. I know I have one more day till weekend. I will be away from the kids on bus. I find that by Friday I am all set with the bus. I know its still new but I can see how other drivers are always saying thank God for Friday. Time to get a moving.

So the morning was not as bad as I thought the kids are truly doing such a good job. I am finding the route easier now I've been driving it. The first day servers are all behind me now. Well its time to go the gym. I feel nervous and I tell myself to cut the shit. Hunter and I walk in and I get to go to the first class. He likes the kids so he has no issues leaving me. Plus he knows ill be back soon and we are in the same building.

The class kicks my ass but it needs some kicking. As I walk out of the class I am heading towards child care room I see him. I just smile and keep going. I hear him say Hi Crystal. I said oh Hi jac. He starts in my direction I am like shit. I get into child care room. So I can relive the other babysitter. The kids are playing but Hunter stops and is happy to see me. Then he see jac and Hunter says hi ice cream man. I silently am dying like oh no . Jac is like hay Hunter how are you? So now Hunter is telling of his day. I am standing there like oh this is what I was afraid of. He is actually holding a great conversation with him. I look at him and think hay he is good with kids. But why is he even talking to us? Then he turns to me and says so how's the bus? I am like good. He says I saw you guys yesterday. You look so small behind the wheel of that big bus. I laugh well I think its kinda fun. Looking down at the cars makes me feel big. He laughs. In side Im wishing please go away.

He keeps talking. I am just answering his questions I truly don't know what to say. I think he is chatty. Then I hear a mans voice say hay Jac good morning. I look in the direction of the voice its a big guy, a older man. I think I may have seen him here before. He says oh Jac is that the lady Crystal you talked about. Im standing there like what? Oh my God what is he saying to anyone? I just went to ice cream I don't need rumors about me. This is a small town. Jac says yes dad this is her. I think great its his dad his dad is a cop and he knows of me. Lord help me what have I got myself into. And why is he talking about me?

His dad walks over and introduces him self to me. I am trying to seem calm but inside I am like why me? Then his dad turns to my son and says you must be Hunter? I know my face must look shocked like why does this guy know my kids name? I look at Jac and he sees my face and laugh. Whats wrong? I said nothing I just gotta get back to the kids it was nice to meet you I tell his dad . And say good bye to them both. I sigh thinking alright back to the real world.

Finally it is time top leave I can't get out of gym fast enough. No more running into anyone I want to go home. I have to get Hunter lunch before we go back on bus. Once we are in parking lot, I think yes. Once we get to the car I see there is something on it. Once I get there its a bouquet of flowers with a note. I am like what the hell is this? Hunter see is and I think oh don't let him say anything. he says pretty flowers mommy. I said yes. I pick them up and put him in the car never looking at the note. I just act like its a normal thing to find flowers on your car. I don't wan t him asking a million questions. So we drive away. Inside im thinking what is this guys issue? Why would he put flower on my car. I don't need this right now.

Once we get back to the apartment I rush to get his Hunters lunch. I gotta keep moving so we don't end cup late for bus. Once he is eating I look at the flowers they are pretty. I put them in a vase. I see the note. I read it . Crystal it was nice getting to know you a little. I would like to get to know you more, how about dinner one night? I think it would be nice. Its just dinner relax, Jan and he left his number.

I am thinking no way. This man is off his rocker. He thinks I am gonna call him? Hell no. And I am a divorced mother of two young boys. He can find someone better. I wish he would just stop. I have nothing he don't need to get caught up in my falling apart life. I can't even think about another man. My heart still hurts too much.