Laying in your bed for more than 10 hours a night, you sleep and stare at the actors on your phone, only dimly aware of the active boy downstairs and the muffled Pink Floyd from the room across from yours.
The wine you had just an hour before relaxed you, leaving you tired and cold. It wasn't enough to make you a drunk fool, but just enough to make you calm but annoying to others around you. It only made you a bit loud and talkative and you exaggerate laughs, making it seem as if your casual conversations were the funniest things in the world, yanking your head back and scrunching up your face as you slowly laugh, hitting the table or any surface around, giving the laughs a disturbing and irritating quality, knowing that the laughs were influenced by the alcohol lingering in your system.
The long, alcohol-influenced laughs aren't typically triggered by something even remotely funny, which you often don't ever realize since the laughs bring a smile to the person by you, not from happiness but from human nature. Almost like when someone around you yawns, you yawn yourself even if you're not tired. But if it's serious enough, the person in front of you won't laugh. They'll show disappointment by crossing their arms and speaking to you in a sharp, quick, loud tone.
However, your mind lost its ability to make sense of the seriousness of what you're laughing at and the empathy you should be feeling when confronted about the inappropriateness of your hysterical laughter.
When you get enough alcohol in your system, you get into ridiculous arguments about politics, family problems, or the person in front of you, typically with the boy downstairs, the tall one.
Or you cry to the person in front of you about your delusional beliefs, ignoring how the person in front of you feels about your foolish state of mind. The toxicity of your words and your cries impact the world around you, corrupting your relationships and your mental state.
You view yourself as a victim of neglect, but ignore the effect your delusions have on the faces that surround you. Just the word "delusion" used with your name would spark your cry, deafening the sound of reality facing you and further constructing your delusional ways.
Whether you believe the delusions or not is a mystery, but just the act of displaying these delusions without believing them is a delusion itself.
YOU ARE READING
Stuff to think about
Random*may be triggering* just my deep thoughts 💭 Has some poetry randomly scattered in this along with philosophical ideas/questions. Lots of questions. Edit: I wrote this in my "I think I'm smarter than everyone" phase in middle school so I am WELL AWA...
