Words ↬h.s.

Chapter 5

"I move in next week, mom!" I announced excitedly placing my hands on my hips.

"That's just great Bren I'm so happy for you." She smiled.

"But what will you be moving in?" she asked.

I laughed "I don't know." I threw my hands in the air "I guess I'll just sleep on the floor." I gasped dramatically.

"I won't be able to invite people over." I put my hand over my heart attempting a face of pure grief.

My mother looked at me with a disapproving face soap suds dripping off her hands.

"No, we'll go and get you some furniture tomorrow before you move in." she said sternly.

"Your father and I have some things in storage that you could use and Julie has some things that she doesn't have room for anymore, you can have that I'm sure." She offered, I nodded my head giving a thank you.

"When do you start your job with Doctor Lidwig?" mom asked while flipping through a cook book "This Monday." I answered.

I'd always liked Lidwig, she's been close with our family for years, Andy is dating her daughter. But the reason I'd always liked her so much is her name sounds so close to Ludwig, Ludwig van Beethoven the famous composer.

Most people may not find humor in what I call amusement but I like knowing things and knowing things can be fun.

"Speaking of her how is my dear Lidwig doing?" I wondered grabbing a handful of candy corn, not particularly my favorite but it was in front of me.

"Shes doing fine, her daughter Jen just had her fifth child." She chirped.

I nodded my head being ever impressed with this woman "I want to be her when I grow up." I said popping a candy corn in my mouth.

"You are a handful and a half, Brenlee Fae." She chuckled lightly. I pushed off my chair with a shrug.

"I try." I said leaving the room passing my dad's office with a small wave.

I climbed the stairs to my child hood room running my hands along the railing. I collapsed on my bed exhaling into my pillow. I flipped over on my back throwing the last candy cone up in the air trying to catch it, failing miserably.

I glanced around the room stopping at the small leather book on the floor. I leaned up grabbing the book, I flipped it open until I found where I'd stopped.

November 2, 2011

I realize that you aren't coming back. I realize that you're gone. I realize that there's a hole where you were. But now that I understand that, what do I do? How do I pick up my life? How do I do laundry and cook for just me. Everyday things are the hardest. I wake up in the morning and I sit there looking at your side of the bed just staring after a while I have to remind myself to breathe-in and out, in and out harry- like a religious chant every day. Everything's grey lately. I don't feel anything like I used to, I mean it's there but it's not a feeling. Music, words, love. It's all pointless to me right now. I'm stuck, stuck in a dim grey world. I feel I'm standing still and the whole world is happening around me. I need to be unstuck. I need to wake up.

Wow this man does not get the concept of a daily journal I thought.

"Wait," I mumbled "I have a first name!" I pointed out to the air "Harry, that's something!" I said proudly.

I thought about what he said about her, the way he talked about her, he loved her so much it seems. I wonder what she was like to have obtained so much a love.