Words ↬h.s.

Chapter 3

My eyes fluttered open as I laid there engulfed by the warm white comforter. the bright red, digital numbers stood out among the cream ways.

7:03

I smiled burying myself deeper into my pillow slowly drifting back to sleep

-

I woke up stretching my arms over my head, Siting up and leaning back on my elbows glancing over at the gray clock.

10:06

I slept a lot longer than normal, but then again I did just have a long flight yesterday morning.

I looked around the room, the soft cream walls complimented the off white carpet. I threw the duvet off me, dangling my feet over the side of the bed. I counted to three before standing up trying to give myself a little heads up before standing. I pushed off the bed walking over towards my big window seat.

I looked out the window rubbing my hands on my arms trying to warm them up from the cold coming from the window. Rain was pouring down the window causing me to not be able to see anything but shapes.

I mentally shrugged turning to put my tan slippers on, I slid them on opening the door. I stepped out in the hall the hard wood instantly making me feel colder.

I looked around the hall noticing no one, I tip toed my way to the stairs taking them one at a time.

Last night after we finished eating we played some games and talked until about eleven, after that everybody went home. Except for me of course, because I haven't got a home yet. I'll be going out today to look, until then I'm staying at mom and dads.

I crossed my arms walking towards the kitchen, I pushed the door open finding my mom mumbling to herself about a sugar cookie recipe.

"Morning." I smiled, she looked at me over her glasses smiling back.

"Morning darling, even though it is almost the afternoon." She pointed out.

Not really but I'll let her have her moment.

I smiled at her comment "So what's for breakfast mommy?" I asked opening the fridge.

"How about your old favorite?" she suggested.

"Perfect." I nodded.

I skipped out of the kitchen knowing Mom wouldn't want any help. Dad was at the barber so I had about 25 minutes to kill, I walked towards my bag determined to write a little something in my journal.

Crap I thought picking the journal up, I forgot what had happened.

I looked at the journal again inspecting the little doodles and quotes on the front. I opened it once more trying to find something that might help me find the owner. I flipped back to where I had stopped.

September 23 '10

I feel like it gets worse every day, I'm getting where I can't even breathe without you. What am I going to do, how do you move on from this? I need someone to talk to, I have people but what I'm really saying is I need you. I where your ring around my neck. Sometimes I look down at it and remember the way it used to accessorize your small hand, the blue crystals complimenting your eyes perfectly. I miss you, like how you used to eat Butterfingers and slip the packaging into my suit pockets or how you would always leave the car radio on the highest setting so when I got in it would scare me to death and I would get so mad at you. I love you Jane, so dearly. The other day I-

"It's ready." Mom yelled tearing me from the page. I shut the book running towards the kitchen. I swung the door open being greeted by the familiar smell of raspberry pancakes with a faint smell of sugar cookies.

I grabbed a plate of pancakes, squirting syrup over the stack. I poured a tall glass of milk and slid into one of the stools at the breakfast bar. I cut my pancakes into small bites, taking time to enjoy each bite completely.

After I had finished eating Mom sat and talked to me awhile, telling me about all the gossip id missed since id been gone. She asked why I had to go in the first place again.

I smiled looking at her confused wrinkle free face-my mother was always a beautiful woman of course she would age well-her pink colored lips formed a frown.

"Mom I've told you, I had to go to finish up my degree in Children's Psychology." I restated to her.

She looked unmoved in her confusion.

"Well I still don't understand why you had to go to England to do that." she said.

A chuckle escaped my lips "Mom." I drug laying my head on the counter.

"I know, I know 'I've told you' but I can't help that I don't understand." She said placing her hand on her hip, I rested my chin in the palm of my hand.

"Alright fine." I sighed.

"I was offered the position as an intern as well as a student at UM, so I got to knock two things out at once henceforth moving ahead and getting a job faster." I explained she looked at me blankly.

"I still didn't like you going over there." She shook her head, I just rolled my eyes.

After we had finished our delightful mother-daughter talk she had to leave to go get her hair done. She got it done every Thursday-she never missed that appointment.

Dad had come home while Mom was leaving. He asked how I liked his haircut and made a joke about the man's hair that sat beside him in the barber shop.

Then he went to the living room to read his newspaper. I was alone again.

I walked back up the stairs to my bedroom. I decided to read some more into the journal, I sat down opening the book up flipping start to the page I stopped on, I found my spot.

The other day I went to talk to Gem. She tries to understand, really but she can't. Who can besides people who have been in this situation before. That brings me to what Lee from work gave me the other day. He handed me a support group for widower's business card. I looked him in the face just to see if he was kidding. What are they going to do for me? Nothing, thats what everyone does. Jane im tired, its been three months since you passed. I just want this to all be a dream, a very horrible dream. I love you Jane.

Eternally Yours, H

I flipped the page coming to a quote written across the next two pages

"I guess by now I should know enough about loss to realize that you never really stop missing someone-you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence."

The two pages were covered in a painting of a small sun set. I looked over the picture and the quote, the small painting adorning the page was beautiful and elegant. I flipped the page finding several song quotes.

I was about to flip the pages again when my phone vibrated, I looked at it my sisters name popped up.

*Do you want to go shopping right before you go look for a house?*

I texted Mae back.

*Duh*

I stood up stretching my arms over my head when I got another text.

*Ok meet us at the mall.*

I replied with a *Okay* and started getting ready. I looked over at the journal, wondering if the owner had even realized the switch that had occurred or was he oblivious or was he reading through my journal right now. Even though I've been reading his I'd forgotten that he'd have to read mine to find the owner, I cringed at the thought.

What if he's laughing at me right now? I questioned myself. This thought liked to haunt me the most, even the thought of someone reading my innermost private thoughts made me want to throw up and adding them laughing at me, I just wanted to die.

I have to find this man.