Reflection

Afraid

It had been a couple of slow long days after Jesse's unexpected panic attack and Jesse was slowly recovering and of course Lukas was there to support her as always.

Currently, she was sitting at the kitchen table. A soft turquoise blanket draped loosely around her small shoulders. She kept uselessly picking at her soggy cornflakes with her silver spoon.

Her soft warm hand was resting underneath her pale chin.

For the last few days, her sullen mood hadn't really gotten any better.

It seemed with each passing day Jesse was just getting worse.

Lukas was trying his absolute best to make her happy again and lately it seemed to be working...well a little bit anyway.

"Not hungry eh?" A sincere voice asked.

Jesse turned towards the genuine voice, her glimmering eye's just about laced with fatigue. Jesse just slowly nodded and carelessly pushed her red bowl away from her. Lukas sat on a tall milk colored stool beside her.

Jesse hastily glanced away, her dark cocoa eyes glistening radiantly.

"I...don't know why I had a panic attack Lukas," Jesse mumbled out of the blue, her head turned away from Lukas.

"I mean it wasn't until...," Jesse drifted off and Jesse quietly turned to him and he finished the sentence for her. "Until I said... y'know," Lukas whispered quietly, glancing up at her.

"Don't," Jesse faintly mumbled, as Lukas rubbed the back of his neck. "Blame yourself."

Jesse removed her hand from the cold silver spoon and leaned back against her stool.

"You sure your okay though?" Lukas asked.

"I'm...fine," Jesse said, her voice hoarse and raspy. "Just give me some...time," She said slowly, coughing afterwards.

Lukas nodded, that was understandable.

"I listen to you talk about it Jesse, but I just can't understand what you are feeling," Lukas unexpectedly said.

Jesse's eyebrow rose and she gazed into Lukas' azure eye's.

"What?"

"I mean...," Lukas jabbed a finger at his chest, "I don't know how it feels to be in the state your in right now."

Jesse nodded, exhaled steadily and whispered very faintly, "It's...empty. Very... empty..."

Empty.

It was the word Jesse thought of right off the bat.

Empty.

The words reverberated in Lukas' mind.

Jesse quickly rubbed her chin. Her face was starting to become thinner, but it was really hard to tell.

"Why don't we go somewhere today?" Lukas asked Jesse.

She turned to him, gazed at him, and said nothing. Jesse felt like sleeping in all day, but she heavily doubted that she'd be able to fall asleep anytime soon.

The panic attack had shaken her up a lot more than she realized and she was constantly worrying about having another one.

"This...is just way too many memories."

"You just noticed that...," Jesse stated dryly, her eyebrow raised.

"Of course not. I just never said anything before." Lukas stated nonchalantly.

Lukas got up from his stool and delicately took Jesse by the hand and gently helped her down the tall stool. "It'd probably be best if your not in the order hall m'lady," He whispered softly.

Jesse just shook her head, allowing him to bring her off of her stool. "...I have chemotherapy today remember?"

----

Jesse was sitting next to Lukas. She frequently glanced anxiously at Lukas every couple of seconds.

"Don't worry you'll be fine," Lukas said, noticing her uneasiness.

"I doubt it," Jesse mumbled faintly and Lukas looked at her warmly. "Why?" He asked, placing his arm on an armrest and quirking his head.

"Just....I do okay," Jesse replied as she crossed her leg over the other and glanced away from him. Lukas decided not to take the conversation any further and instead swiftly tapped his foot against the solid floor.

Jesse gazed at a small clay flower pot, the vibrant red rose reminded her of the time when she put a scarlet rose on top of Reuben's small grave. Jesse started thinking to herself and admired the beauty of the ruby colored rose.

Lately, Jesse's thoughts had got even worse. She was just so blind to everything and her mind was just so clouded by everything.

Jesse had been feeling more
sick recently as well. She was starting to cough more than usual and have more chest pain too.

"Jesse," An unknown voice called. Jesse uncrossed her legs and began to stand up only to feel a gentle grip around her wrist. Jesse softly gazed at Lukas who asked, "Want me to come with you?"

"No Lukas it's...fine," Jesse said shaking her head and coughing afterwards. Lukas let go of his grasp, leaned back in his chair, and watched nervously as Jesse followed a tall kinky haired nurse.

Lukas exhaled slowly, flexed his fingers, and waited patiently for Jesse. 

About an hour had passed and Lukas was gazing at a magazine, trying his best to keep himself awake. "Lukas," A soft, but unfamiliar voice called. 

Lukas lowered the magazine and gazed up to see a brunette that sadly wasn't Jesse. "I'm sorry, but I have some bad news," The azure-eyed doctor said.

___

Lukas swiftly rushed out of the hospital and into the piercing crisp air. He was breathing heavily and constantly biting his bottom lip. He dreadfully raked his cold fingers through his disheveled golden hair and leaned sullenly against a wall.

Many people that walked by shot him strange looks, but he could care less at the moment. 

Lukas buried his face in his hands and let his shaking hands slide down his face. A tear rolled down his cheek and he felt his face redden slightly. This can't be happening... 

Everything was going in the wrong direction and he apprehensively tapped his foot. He stared out into the clear cloudless blue sky. Lukas breathed shakily, recollected himself and forced himself to walk into Jesse's hospital room.

Much to his dismay, when he arrived Jesse was fast asleep. Lukas plopped down in a light blue chair, huffed, and tried his best to calm himself down. Lukas grit his straight teeth, gazing at a peacefully sleeping Jesse with a pained expression. 

Jesse was going to be hospitalized for quite a awhile, her condition was only growing worse by the minute, and she only had a couple of months left to live. Lukas hated to admit it to himself, but he was afraid of losing her. Really afraid.

__

Welp, that marks the end of this chapter.

Anyway, what do you think is going to happen next?

I don't really have much to say, except I'll see ya in the next chapter .-.