Reflection

Thank You

Jesse and Lukas walked towards the order hall in silence, their footsteps clacking against the dense floor. Jesse's head was bowed slightly as she fiddled with her loose strands of brown hair. Lukas' continuously glanced at Jesse, his blue eyes glimmering with worry as he sighed. He didn't know how to comfort her. He felt like his words weren't enough half of the time and Jesse felt like she was simply too deep in the ocean to swim back out.

Jesse had so many things she wanted to get off her chest, but she kept them to herself, locking them in a chest and throwing them over the edge of a cliff. Jesse's shoulders slumped as she walked, her fluffy gray hood over her head, casting a shadow over her face.

Her eyes were brimmed with tears, her vision blurring slightly. Jesse desperately wanted to tell Lukas something, but she couldn't bring herself to, she didn't want or need him to worry over it. Jesse's gaze was on the floor the whole time and Lukas' hair swayed gently in the wind.

The blonde wondered how long she felt like this. After all she was right, it didn't take long for everyone to leave and it was right after the events with the admin  too, when she needed everyone the most.

Lukas' eyes were filled with regret, his side filled with guilt. He didn't even stop to think of how much that would've affected her that day. Jesse was extremely exhausted after the battle, her eyes showed it that day, but she refused to show it physically and the worst part was it wasn't just physically. She was already emotionally and mentally scarred and the events with the admin only tore her apart more than she already was.

Jesse's locked gaze never fell off the ground and her hand moved to the locket around her neck and she clutched it as if her life was depending on it.

She felt her hands start to shake as they entered the order hall, the memories flooding back to her one by one.

The painful memories she wanted to forget, the unbearable ones, the memories that secretly scarred her for life and they all brought havoc upon her.

Jesse took a step backwards, her hands quivering like crazy. "Jesse?" Lukas questioned, noticing his best friends trembling hands.

Not able to take it any longer,  Jesse ran, jolting up the mahogany stairs, her fluffy gray hood falling down as she opened her door, locking it behind her.

She instantly grabbed her pill bottle from her end table and laid on her bed, letting the tears stream down her cheeks as she attempted to open the orange bottle.

Lukas tried to open the door, but it didn't even turn mid-way. "Jesse." Lukas said softly, worry engraved on his face.

Jesse grabbed her half-filled water bottle on the end table beside her and wiped her cheeks with her arm, her jacket carelessly tossed to the side.

"Jesse, please let me in," Lukas said, putting his hand on the door while sighing, "You know I'm not leaving anytime soon."

Jesse finally opened her pill bottle and her bones tingled. She hated the way she was making him feel, she was happy that he came, really, but she hated how she was constantly pushing him away.

His heart couldn't take it and he felt tears brimming the corners of his azure eyes, "Jesse please whatever it is we can talk about it," He said, gently.

"Whatever the cost may be I'll pay it, it'll be worth it to get her happy again," He thought to himself.

Jesse popped two pills in her mouth and started walking to the door.

"I promise you I will," Lukas said softly, "You don't have to open the door if that's easier for you."

Jesse hesitated as she reached for the golden door knob and instead she let her back slide against the door.

"I can't take it anymore Lukas...," Jesse replied, hugging her arms and bringing her legs to her chest.

Lukas leaned his back against the door, listening intently.

"That room...every time I catch a glimpse of it....the memories just come rushing back one by one..., " Jesse drifted off, grasping her shirt as her bones tingled.

"It's why I prefer being in my room..." Jesse drifted off, her voice quickly dying out afterwards.

"That's understandable," Lukas mumbled, putting his hands in his lap. "But, it...doesn't stop them from coming though," Jesse whispered, a frown settling on her face."

Coward...

Worthless...

Give up...

The voice whispering in her head made her want to scream.

"I can't take it!" Jesse shouted, running her fingers through her scalp, her fingers grasping her dark brown hair as she buried her face in her lap, warm tears streaming like waterfalls down her cheeks.

Lukas leaped to his feet, his blood running cold as he felt his face fall, "Jesse!?" He questioned, as he heard nothing, but silence.

Jesse stood up, shakily reaching for the door knob and pulling herself up.

As soon as Lukas heard the door unlocking his expression was filled with relief.

The wooden door slowly opened and Lukas' solaced sapphire eyes met glossy nutmeg ones.

Instantly Lukas pulled her into a gentle, but protective hug, his strong arms wrapping around Jesse's small back.

She sobbed on his shoulder not holding back, her fingers grasping his black leather jacket as he rocked her slightly.

Lukas felt tears of his own fall down his cheeks as his heart pounded frantically.

A sigh of relief escaped his lips, as his arm gently held the back of her head, her soft and long brunette hair against the palm of his hand.

"Please don't do that again," He whispered softly, his hands trembling slightly.

Jesse gripped his raven colored jacket more, burying her face deeper into his shoulder.

"Hey hey its okay, everything's going to be okay."

Jesse only broke down more, the memories that she wanted to forget, coming back to her.

"Jesse...you can't keep going like this, " Lukas said softly.

"I know, " She whispered, clutching Lukas' leather jacket tighter. "I need you Jesse, the strong girl I know and...," Lukas drifted off while tenderly rubbing her back.

Jesse bit her bottom lip her tears staining his ebony jacket. "I'm such a mess," Jesse whispered, her voice cracking.

Lukas gently took a hold of Jesse's shoulders and gazed into her glossy umber eyes, "Your not, you just need more time and your not going through it alone, remember," He said, while wiping away a rolling tear off her cheek.

Jesse embraced Lukas, "T...Thank you I....really needed that."

___

Is your heart crying yet?

Do you need a tissue?

Ah anyways I'll see you in the next chapter.