In Real Life ✓

40. Lemme Smash

"Hey, do you wanna come over today?"

"Uhh, sure?" Gilbert said, not sounding sure at all.

I resisted the urge to say 'never mind then' and hang up the phone, because I knew he was just scared of fucking things up, but I had to tell him that he didn't have to be scared. And I also kind of just didn't want to do the Q&A on my own. I promised my followers I'd do it...

"I wanna tell you something," I said, hoping to convince him.

"What?"

"Come over and find out."

He sighed and told me he'd be here in a few minutes. I hung up the phone with a smile and opened my laptop, reading some posts and watching some videos on my Twitter timeline, before typing out a Tweet to announce the Q&A.

By the time Gilbert rang the doorbell, I had questions rolling in like dollars rolled into Elon Musk's bank account. I hadn't looked at them yet, but I already knew there was going to be a lot of hilarious bullshit. Every time someone famous did a Q&A, I saw their followers going wild with questions like 'do you like eating ass', but I was looking forward to it.

I ran downstairs before Mom or Dad could open the door and let Gilbert in. I could tell he hadn't brushed his hair yet, because it was a bird's nest. Apparently, his hair was naturally kind of curly, but he'd cut it so short before the school year started that I hadn't even noticed. Now that it was growing out again, it was a floofy mess. I reached up and tried to tame it, but he pushed me away with a chuckle. "Don't bother. I have to cut it."

"What does it look like when you grow it out?"

"A disaster," he replied, smiling wryly. "What did you want to tell me?"

"I'm doing the Q&A."

"Oh, you're doing the Q&A now?" he asked, already heading for the stairs. "Any interesting questions?"

"Haven't looked yet."

I followed him upstairs and stole a chair from Hugo's room so I could put it next to my own desk chair, and Gilbert was already scrolling through replies when I walked in. He looked over his shoulder as he told me, "Hey, someone said you should answer them live. That could be fun."

"Where would I do that?"

"Uhh, there's no live thingy on Twitter, right? Instagram maybe? Or YouTube?"

"Ah, yeah, I don't have Instagram, but I guess I could use YouTube." I placed the chair next to him, before sliding the laptop closer and opening a new tab to log into my YouTube account. I scrolled up and down, looking for anything weird—which was quickly over and done with, since I barely used it—before hiding everything on my account just in case. My laptop already had a built-in webcam and everything, so it didn't take me long to set everything up.

I shared the link on Twitter, and before I knew it, there were so many people watching I had to do a double take. "Damn, there's a lot of you."

"Why are you surprised?" Gilbert remarked.

"Shush." I handed him my phone and told him, "You pick the questions."

"Alright," he replied, grinning. "Here's the first one: How are you so funny and will you please come sign my left buttcheek?"

"That's a good question..."

We ended up answering questions for an entire hour and I didn't really hear anything dirty like I'd expected, but I got the feeling that Gilbert was skipping them on purpose, because he kept staring at the screen with a frown in between questions. They wanted to know about my favorite things, my school, my family and friends, and my relationship with Gilbert (which soon turned the Q&A into a boyfriend Q&A), but nothing too personal.

Eventually, Gilbert admitted, "They keep asking, uhh... sexual things."

"Ah, I figured."

"They do know you're ace, right?"

"I think so. If not—" I turned to the camera. "FYI: I'm asexual."

He looked up from the screen and I could tell that the good mood was soon dissipating because he was thinking about my sexuality again and that he was struggling with it and— Shit, this really was becoming an issue. I had to end this Q&A soon and tell him.

"There are some people who want to know why you have a boyfriend when you're ace," he said quietly, and I didn't look at the camera when I replied; I looked at him.

"I'm asexual, but I'm not aromantic, which means that I do... desire romantic relationships. A romantic partner. Gibbs, in this case. We uh... you know, we kiss and cuddle and all that."

He nodded slowly.

"But you don't need to have sex when you're in a relationship."

That's when he looked down—avoiding my gaze, but not saying anything. Keeping quiet. We were on camera in front of thousands of people after all...

I decided right then and there that we were done. I turned to my laptop again and said, "Well, anyway, if you have more questions about the asexuality thing, just google it. There's a whole bunch of information out there, so you can find pretty much anything you want to know. I won't be answering any of your questions about my... sexual preferences, so this is it for today. Thanks for watching."

I said goodbye to the people in the live chat before going offline and closing the laptop. I turned in my seat to face Gilbert, but he was still looking down at the floor.

"So..."

"That was fun," he said.

"Yeah."

We then started talking at the same time, so he chuckled and said, "You go first."

"Well, I just... I have to tell you something."

"Yeah, you said that on the phone."

I nodded and tried to think of a way to put it... but eventually, I just shook my head, slid off my chair and took a seat on Gilbert's lap. He looked up at me in horror as I sat down with my legs on either side, but he said nothing. I wrapped my arms around him and muttered, "I know this is hard..."

He breathed in and out through his nose, deeply, as if to say no shit.

"But I want you to know that... it doesn't have to be?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, uh... long story short, I'll have sex with you."