Soldier of Love

So Now I Have to Spend College Avoiding People? Cool.

August 13, 2005

I raced through the halls, trying to make my way to my first period class. I had a school tour, but I forgot where mostly everything was. As a result, I'm a couple minutes late to my class.

This school was that of a maze. Everything was so confusing and I really felt lost. It resembled Whitney Young back in Chicago, just WAY bigger.           

Because I had a lot of electives and AP classes at Chi Arts and Medgar Evers, my days here are going to be short. And by short, I mean really short. I have three or four classes a day. One or two for journalism and two for music.

All four years here, my schedule will be similar. For example-

Freshman Year: Mondays I have Feature writing, news writing and my music courses. Tuesday's I have global connections and my music courses. Wednesday's I have cooperative education and music. Thursday's is publications and music. Fridays are legal and ethical issues and music.

Sophomore Year: Monday's I have broadcast and music. Tuesday's I have mass media law and music. Wednesday's I have corporate communication/public relations and music. Thursday's I have photojournalism and music. Fridays I have reporting and music.

Junior Year: Mondays I have cultural reporting and music. Tuesday is business and music. Wednesday is economics and music. Thursday is criticism and music. Friday is literary reportage.

Senior Year: Mondays I have magazine writing and music. Tuesday's are documentary and music. Wednesday's are reporting the nation and music. Thursday's are science, health, and environmental reporting and music Fridays are studio 20 and music.

Basically, I am a part time college student, or that's how it seems since my days are so short. Usually, it's not like this. You're supposed to have multiple classes, but I don't.

Don't let me confuse you, my schedule is just awkward. Maybe I'll pick up a few more classes if I find some, or I'll find a part time job so I'll be an actual part time student, ya know?

"Are you Naomi Wright?" The feature writing professor asked a I took a seat.

"Yes, I apologize for being late. I got lost." I said.

The professor chuckled and my cheeks grew hot. "It's alright, no worries."

Our professors name was Miss Berdell and she was twenty five. Pretty young and established if you ask me. She was short and curly with a short blonde bob. Her eyes were blue, similar to that of an ocean. She had a beauty mark above her pink, thin lips that made her face stand out. She wore a lot of eye liner, but it was cute.

"Now that everyone is here, we can play ice breaker." Miss Berdell said joining the seats that formed a circle. "Yes, I know. This is college now, but it's good to know who everyone is. So how about we start with you." she raised her right index finger and pointed directly across the circle. I barely pay any mind. My eyes were fixated on the art posters and bright lights that swarm around the room.

"Well... My name is Jacob Perez. I'm 18, from Chicago, and I major in journalism."

That is when my head shot up and gave the circle my full attention. Jesus must hate me. I try to escape Jacob but he's EVERYWHERE.

The introductions continued and soon it was my turn.

"Um, my name is Naomi Wright and I'm 18. I'm from Chicago, but I’m in and out of NY. I major in journalism."

The class fell into a hushed whisper. Everyone seemed to notice me as Diggy's girlfriend, the one who had the bomb ass birthday party. Everyone but Jacob was engaged into a conversation about me. Jacob sat in his chair, stiffened.

"Alright, class, quiet down." Miss Berdell instructed and they did as they were told. "Mr. Perez is from Chicago to. Do you all happen to know each other, or am I being crazy? Chicago is big, but it is a small world after all."

"Yes, we know each other." I mumbled quietly.

I looked over and Jacob had a small smirk on his face. This nigga.

"Interesting..." Miss Berdell said before moving on. I swear you could smell the awkward.

After the game of ice breaker, everyone moved their chairs back to their desk. Because I was late, I didn’t get the option of choosing a seat. There were two seats left: one in the back by Jacob and one in the very front. Because I refuse to sit by Jacob, I sat in the front.

I know, I sound stupid. I miss him and I still love him, but I need to get over him. How can I do that if I allow myself to be near him and possibly communicate with him? The best way is to avoid him.

And that’s just what I’m going to do.

*

She walked into the classroom and I could feel my heart pounding. Her beauty, her dear beauty, literally takes my breath away. How could I be so stupid to allow myself to mess up something good? We were in love, hell, I still am and I can’t forget her. You don’t just forget your first love that easily. Besides my mom and younger cousin, she’s the only female I taught myself to love.

Those other girls weren’t worth the trouble they got me in. I was seduced, I was blinded. I wanted to know how it felt to be in the crowd. Carlos, Sean, Dre, Chris, and Jay gave me that. It felt good to be accepted and unfortunately it went all to my head…

…now I’m paying the price.

I’ll give her the space she needs for now. I know it’s more awkward for her than it is for me. But believe me when I say this, I will have her back. I’m not giving up. I’ll love her and care for her until she tells me that the feeling isn’t mutual. But even then I still might not give up.

I love her.

I need her.

I know she feels the same.

I can see the weary and sadness in her eyes when she looks at me.

I know what that means. It shouts, “Jacob why’d you mess up? Why’d you do this to me?”

She needs me and I know what happened between her and Fatou. She needs me here to comfort her. That’s all I want to do.