Soldier of Love

Echoes of Silence

I've been trying to accept my life as it is. As crazy as it is to say it, I've been given with such an extraordinary life. How many people can say they've done what I've done? How many people can say they've dedicated their lives to such outrageous causes? I can't say I'm very fond of the life I live, but it's not all that bad. I've been blessed with a wonderful husband and a beautiful daughter who'll be turning three very soon.

I always thought that I'd be a journalist. I mean, that is what I went to UCLA for. I had my whole life planned out. But nothing seems to be going the way I planned it. I had to quit my job and my visits to the cafe for open mic became less and less frequent. My whole life is wrapped around this one person who has been raising hell for everyone around me.

Jamiya is still in town and refuses to leave. Roc and Ray are staying at our house just in case we have an unexpected arrival and need a little backup. It's actually nice and comforting having a little more company around. It's nice to have a few extra pairs of hands to help out. Not just help out with cleanin and cooking, but the important task at hand, also known as, keep everyone protected. With just Jacob and Nala, I'm honestly scared. I'm not supposed to admit my fear but here it is. I'm scared that whoever is behind all this will strike again, but time much harder. I'm scared that someone is going to lose their life. I honesty want this over with.

So far I've gotten away with Hernandez's murder and things in the city have quieted down, however I know it won't stay that way for a while so I'm always expecting the unexpected. I know it sounds selfish to want to quit and it seems as if I'm doing a good deed, but everyone wants some down time every once in a while and tonight I got lucky.

Jacob has promised me to a night a bliss. We can't go out in town because we're both scared something bad is going to happen since the mad man is always ahead of us and knows damn near are every move. Therefore we're going to play it safe and stay inside. Jamiya, Roc & Ray have promised to keep Nala while Jay and I have our alone time.

Roc and Ray kept Nala while I got ready. They watched tv with her in the living room and Jamiya assisted me as I got dressed. She picked out my clothes and did my makeup. Of course I didn't let her touch my hair, remember that story I told you guys many years ago? She ain't burning my hair off.

She picked out a black, fitting but classy high-low dress. It had both straps but a v-neck cut. I wore red pumps and red lipstick to match. My eyes were smoking and my hair was straightened with a middle part. Jamiya looked at me and smiled.

"I feel like I'm 14 all over again, getting ready for my second anniversary with Jacob," I smiled a little. "Is it natural to be nervous to have alone time with your HUSBAND?"

Jamiya sat on my bed and patted it, indicating she wanted me to join her. "I think so. You guys haven't been alone together in a long time so of course it feels like you're starting all over."

I sighed deeply and fiddled with my fingers, looking at the ground. Jamiya hummed quietly, cleaning up her room. I stayed in place with a gazillion thoughts running through my head. I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. I'm just so nervous. I haven't been on a 'date' with Jay in such a long time. What if everything is awkward? What if there's no interest?

"Stop thinking so much." Jamiya said interrupting my thoughts.

"It's in my nature." I mumbled quietly.

I stood up and walked into Jamiya's bathroom. I stood in front of the full body mirror and smooth out the small wrinkles in my dress. I did a few 360 turns, examining myself from the front in back. I looked back at myself in the mirror, studying my eyes. Eyes can tell a lot about a person and I was wondering what mine said about me.

I closed my eyes for a minute or two, trying to relax. I heard a soft knock on Jamiya's bedroom door. There was a bit of chatter and then everything went silent but I kept my attention fixated on getting rid of my anxiety.

A pair of hands wrapped around my waist. I kept my eyes close.?I knew that touch far too well.

"Beautiful." Jacob says, moving my hair out of my face and planting a kiss on my cheek. He stared at my chest, watching the way I was breathing. "Why so nervous?"

I looked down at my shoes, "I don't know what to expect."

"How about a night of bliss," Jay says grabbing my hand and holding it. "Our love is still the same. I can promise you that."

I nodded my head and followed him out of the bathroom. I thanked Jamiya and then I was led into our bedroom. Our sophisticated red and black bedroom had been turned into a night under the stars. Candles were placed neatly around the room and the room smelled of cinnamon. Our balcony door was opened and on the balcony were a table and two chairs accompanied by a beautiful candle light dinner.

"It's beautiful." I said in shock as I sat down in one of the chairs Jacob pulled out for me.

Jazz music played softly in the background. I was mesmerized by all the work Jacob had done. "Anything for you."

I smiled softly and cut up my steak, covering it A1 sauce. I looked up after sticking a piece in my mouth to see Hat staring at me.

"What?" I inquired, covering my mouth so he didn't see me speak as I chewed.

He shook his head and I shrugged. We made small talk as we continued to eat over the next forty minutes, then retreated back into our bedroom where we slow danced.

"You've done so much for me." Jacob said, sighing.

"You've done a lot for me too." I said.

"I've put you through so much pain--" Jacob started to say before I caught him off, "Jay, stop. I moved on. I forgave you. I married you and gave you a beautiful child. They say, 'let her go and if she comes back, it's meant to be.' I came back so it's meant to be. I don't need you to pity yourself. If I can forgive you, then you need to find it in your heart to forgive yourself too. We can't sit around holding onto the past, because only lord knows how much time we have left together."

Jacob let go of my hips and stepped away from me. "What do you mean by that?"

"I just mean that I'm scared. There are people after us and I've got a case building against me. I just killed a cop and they're going to know it was me. I just want to enjoy the time I have left with you." I said, quietly.

"I promised you everything was going to work out and it's going to. You just have to believe."

I nodded my head and stepped back into my husbands arms. He held me right and leaned in to kiss me. I felt like I was in sixth grade again, kissing him for the first time, tasting the salsa on his small, pink lips from lunch. I had butterflies in stomach.

I ran my fingers through his hair as he carried me over to his bed and climbed on top of me. Our bodies lay close and our lips never parted. It was moments like these that gave me a little hope that everything would be okay, but moments like these aren't meant to last forever.

Our bedroom door swung open and Jacob and I both jumped up in surprise. There stood a team of cops. "Naomi Perez, you're under arrest for the murders of officer Jose Hernandez and Karina Black."

I climbed off of the bed and stood in front of the officers. They placed my hands behind my back and put handcuffs on me as they read me my Miranda rights. Jacob sat there in disbelief, trying to reason with the officers. I tried to hold back my tears. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to show I was weak.

"I'll handle this." Jacob said, kissing my forehead before the officers carried me away.

Roc, Ray, Jamiya and Nala stood at the bottom of the steps, watching it all happen. Ray mouthed, "I'm sorry," telling me that he was the one who let the cops in. I wasn't upset about that.. Well I was, but not as upset as I was about the fact that my two year old daughter had seen me getting arrested.

I've murdered two people within a week, I can only imagine what my sentence will be. In the back of the police car I cried silently to myself, although I wanted to scream out loud. I wanted to break a window or two. I was losing it.

These are my echoes of silence.