Dream On Fire

(42) Talk talkless..

Hi! Usually I know straight of the bat what I'm going to write but I guess today can be different or maybe just slightly.

Something I admire from our "relationship" (whatever that one even is) is the fact that we are able to communicate through emotions.

Ok we are not cheesy nor are we too friends and share every detail of... just whatever... (maybe that the fly passed by? idk!) but we are able to share those small yet meaningful things.

Topical things can have a feeling too by the way we just consider them smaller than they might be.

Everyday we see each other. I am still not sure how but I'm guessing it's the same 'scientifically' weird explanation to how lightning is attracted to a possitive or more like neutral space/surface.
I don't mean to call you a negative not so I want to be a negative person but it just an almost exact explanation to how things go... sort of...

Walking by we just look at each other, smile slightly but then shyly and after we just go our own ways actually laughing (somewhat hard) from our maybe ridiculous/cringy attempt of socializing with each other.

You know?
Usually when I sent you a message I feel almost as if I was talking to you through these unread notes. The only difference is I know you will see the other ones (for sure) and I won't forget to mention the quicker beating pace from my heart. But then I think: "My mouth never communicates verbally. I never make eye contact with that person so I can show them a side of me that I find comfortable showing... my 'real side'."

I am not sure (entirely) by what I mean with "real" side since there are many ways to interpret that. In the most you might further think is that I have DID (dissociative identity disorder) which I don't. I know the many factors to recognize a person with DID and I actually really like the topic. I am in a way amazed about how people view their community of identities in their head. And I also think those people have a lot to say about their likings which perfectly represent (in my opinion) how diverse a human brain can work. I think of those people as really emotional so I can sort of relate to some feelings they might have.
Obviously I'm not saying that I believe I dissociate and change identity every once in a while but more about how every person works, acts, and lives differently than the rest of the world and in a way you can relate to that. The difference is that they have to work as best "friends?" (Sort of) and solve their solutions as a group to which there I split my own idea.
And I say this because I've always been better at working with either, few people (one, two or extremes three but all being friends) or by working alone which feels less stressful and much more free of your own expression and just... Whatever you want to do with a project or something you simply do there's no discussion or argument so you feel much more relaxed.

I hope it doesn't feel to you as if I'm talking about DID as if I knew it to which I would answer I don't. Honestly I truly DONT. Maybe I know some stuff, okay. But I'm not here to tell you how it feels or is since I don't know. I don't have someone close or far with DID and as much as someone researches about something it's still not the same to self teach and to be thought by someone that has been through it.
And I truly respect the fact that if someone hasn't been through something or known someone (whomever) who has then you truly can't say you know...

At least in my opinion.

Dear crush,
As you can see I was trying to explain how wonderful it is to only look at each other and smile. It truly feels magical and it makes my day... everyday! As you can also see I am a person that quite quickly changes of subject from a main topic to sub subjects. I do. This all the time but my friends got used to it... I think.

Overall, thank you if you read until here and didn't get built up by everything I said.

I hope you the biggest smile (just like the ones you give me so you can smile as big as those smiles).

Sincerely and maybe too cheesingly,

Your officially four years and then days (it's January 10) crush.