Dream On Fire

(32) Not like them...

Do you remember my close friend? The girl you've asked a couple of times about me back then about...  a year or two ago?

Well she has a boyfriend... they are cute together... but... I do have to say that I hope she never reads this cause I'm going to tell you what I fear when I look at them...

It's not like I care what happens to their relationship... don't get me wrong she's still my friend but I have NOTHING TO DO with that relationship...

I honestly just... don't wanna get involved...

My reasoning for this things is that...
they are too clingy (for my liking) they are always together and usually never around other people... They know everything of each other... and even though its cute... I wouldn't be able to maintain a relationship like that...

And then... there's this triangle with them...
That's what I fear the most about any relationship... the triangles are the moments where two persons like the same one person... and that's horrible...

Whenever I see their relationship...

I honestly don't know how to put it in words that don't sound as harsh but I honestly hate it...
It's not my problem...
It's not my business... but I don't want to feel like a victim every time I'm with whom I like... I don't want to be responsable for hurting sometimes feelings...

And I DONT want to be so dramatic...! To me... their relationship is too exaggerated... and maybe... it's just the point of view I have on the guy but... he victimized himself so much...
He is so pessimist...
He hates everything about himself...
Blames himself over everything...
And she comforts him...

I don't want that to be us... if we ever get close enough...

I want us to be...

Honest...
To feel comfortable...
To never fear hurting someone...
To never actually, hurt someone...

I want us to feel...

Happy...
Joy...
Euphoria...
Peace...

I don't want dramas... I like to watch them in TV but I don't want to be them... I want to be us...

I want us to be... honest feelings...

Mutual feelings...
No putty on each other...
No victimizing...

And most importantly... I believe we should NEVER leave your friends for each other... we should never de-value their friendship...

As close as we are...

I want us to be a healthy close...

A lovely close...

A close but distances enough to actually mean what we say...

I honestly think this is the scariest chapter I have ever written... mainly because I've never told my friend how I feel about her relationship... and I never mean or plan to say it...

I'm not scared...
Nor ashamed...
In other words... I'm not gonna act weak over what I think cause I mean it...

I don't apologize for it...

But neither do I want to hurt my friend... I know I will if she sees it... that's the reason why I only trust this to you...

My one and only...

Long time-Crush...