CRAZY IN LOVE

13

thirteen.

how i'm feeling and my pride is one to blame

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okay, donghyuck is jealous.

over the past months, he saw the development in mark and jeno's friendship and it's frustrating. maybe it was something from that one time when they had a lunch together back then but they seriously got closer after that.

donghyuck don't know what they did when it happened but he can't seem to get jeno off from mark's sight.

jeno even got the permission to come to mark's office anytime he wanted - which donghyuck used to be the only one before - and it pissed him so much. the sight of jeno coming out of it all happy and shit brought a feeling of discomfort inside donghyuck and he hated it.

not only that, jeno seems to be unaware of donghyuck's glare whenever he's beside mark or he's just being the pretentious little piece of shit he is - what donghyuck called jeno as - and ignored him.

donghyuck was somehow right.

secretly behind everyone's knowledge, jeno had found a will to pursue his so not small crush anymore towards mark and actually man up to be more confident of it. jeno already confirmed donghyuck's status for mark and realized that their situation was merely mark having unrequited love to donghyuck.

jeno promised in himself to make mark look at him and maybe, be someone that can bring some sort of happiness that donghyuck can't.

once, it went out of control.

donghyuck's jealousy would took him away from reality when mark defended jeno and God, how much he hates that when it happened.

mark used to never say anything before but now he rejects more than accept. he declined donghyuck's offer of coming to his house, even though donghyuck that time just wanted to cuddle with the older man, put down donghyuck's invitation to came with him to meet his parents, even though donghyuck just wanted mark to be beside him.

when donghyuck wanted to just spend some time with mark, the other man would made sure to spent it with jeno.

it brought thousands of questions in donghyuck's head, most of it were about how he might really not be enough for mark. you see, donghyuck said this a lot to mark to makes the other man weak but he really thought that he's not enough for him. especially now that mark was always with jeno.

even after all that, donghyuck being how he is, of course won't say anything.

even when mark offered to have jeno for a dance in this fancy party they're attending right now, donghyuck just looked away.

for once, donghyuck was feeling alone.

other people were celebrating the success of their new project with different types of drink around him yet donghyuck can't bring himself to care. they were a lot of men and women asking him for a dance and obviously something more but he really wasn't in the mood and just rejected all of them. others had satisfaction plastered on their faces, bodies moving to the beat slowly, voices all mashed up into a strange harmony.

and it made donghyuck sick.

donghyuck stood up, the glass placed quite harshly on the table as he left the sight of mark probably having his best time with his forehead pressed against the younger boy who had a big grin, face flushed.

donghyuck walked through the bodies of romantically involved human around the dance floor and left the place. opening the door of his car, he got in and started the engine.

he knew that driving when he just drink was absolutely shitty but he really just wanted to get out of that place.

he don't even care if he were to get in an accident or anything, it's not like anyone will care.

mark, his only life anchor for now, was somewhere enjoying his time with his new boyfriend maybe.

what made donghyuck stopped his car in the middle of nothing was the realization.

he didn't know, but the tears running down his face somehow knew. he couldn't explain that feeling. the feeling of being neglected, abandoned, it hurts.

donghyuck were so used with mark taking care of him that now he's alone and ignored, he don't know what to do. donghyuck were never used to feel so stressful and sad, he wasn't suppose to be in this state even. he could never imagine himself being like how he is now.

broken down on the road of darkness at late night, hands clutching onto the steering wheel, the fabric of it cutting his skin slightly with his voice coming out weak and worn out.

the pictures of mark going out with jeno emotionally hurt him but he can't do anything about it.

donghyuck realized, it was him who started this. him who made mark went into this. he knew mark wanted nothing more but for donghyuck to just appreciate his feeling. donghyuck never thought of anything like that.

now that donghyuck had come into the revelation that he might love mark, it really made him swallowed his sobs while quietly called for the other's name.

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i'm in the mood for updating whoops

- tantan