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prologue

the streets were packed like sardines in a can. i clung onto my mom's long fluffy sleeve so i wouldn't be swept away by the rushing people. it was a christmas celebration, there was a parade, twinkling lights, and loud people. "dear, did you want to get on your papa's shoulders?" my mom sweetly smiled down at me. i tucked a small strand of my hair behind my tiny ear thinking about the offer. being only six years old i felt to old too be on top my papa's shoulders, but also i wanted to see all the pretty lights. i wanted to capture the world with my new polaroid camera.

she was still smiling at me waiting for an answer when finally i nodded. my papa shot me a happy grin before gripping under my arms and sitting me on his shoulders. my eyes lit up once i was placed higher. the bright lights seemed to be dancing. all the people were bundled up and looked beyond happy, exactly how i was feeling. the crisp air brushed against my cheeks making me tuck my chin into my neck, a little giggle escaping my lips. "like the view princess?" my papa bounced me a little. "yes!" my small voice exclaimed. "lets get closer to the snow man float for some pictures okay?" he smiled ear from ear as he heard me giggle a yes.

once i was in the front of the crowd i held the polaroid camera to my eye and squinted. the shot was blurry from my shaking hands and the swaying of papa keeping himself warm. "papa stop moving!" i shouted. he nodded a sorry, allowing me a better shot. i got the main snow man in frame and quickly snapped the camera. i leaned forward, almost falling off my papa's shoulder just to look at his face. my mouth was wide open grinning, "i got a pretty picture!" he returned my smile, "i bet you did princess."

my mom was standing behind us just watching. she had her hands folded in front of her waist, clasped together to keep the cold december air from coming in. she couldn't believe the life she was living, it was too good to be true. just six years ago she remembered running away with papa for a better life. her eyes shook for a second, feeling like it was only yesterday when she found out she was pregnant with you. the fear that ran through her bones as she kept looking behind her, wondering if they noticed she had ran off with the right hand man. just as she started to feel the rush of fear she met eyes with you, her reason for living.

i waved at her with such erratic motions it made her heart swell. she walked over to where the pair of you stood and linked arms with her beloved husband. a hand reaching up and caressing my cheek. "how about some coco darlings?" mom's english accent tickled my ear. my head bobbed up and down with glee, my cheeks reddening from the brisk wind. papa kept a hold of my legs so i wouldn't fall back as he walked through the thick crowd. i swayed my feet back and forth, snapping photos as i was carried.

the pictures came out utterly blurry but i still loved them, for they were my very first photos from the camera papa gifted me this morning. the bobbing stopped when we reached a small out door café. the air around me smelt of coffee and chocolate, my eyes fluttered with delight. "take a seat and i'll order for us." papa said as he placed me on the ground. i followed mom to a metal table nearest to the parade and sat in the cold chair. "sabrina do you like your gift?" my mom sweetly smiled at me, noticing the freckles that appeared around my nose. just like christopher, she thought. i did have some features from my father, but i was one hundred percent a spitting image of brinly, my mom.

for only being six years old i was very intuitive. a free spirit my papa called it, he always told me that being a free spirit meant trouble. i didn't really understand why but listened when he told me. i swayed my dangling feet as i gripped the metal chair under my fuzzy yellow gloves. "mom can i take more pictures please?" my eyes glued to the dancing lights. my mom hesitated, thinking about all the bad people she knew and how they could be around any corner. she looked at me, ready to plant me where i sat, but then she saw the soft expression on my face. the soft wave of my hair that lined my face made all her negative thoughts disappear.

letting out a sigh she nodded her head. "thank you!" a squeal left my pink lips. "do not go too far sabrina mae lodge!" she called out to me but i was already out of ear shot. the polaroid camera hung from a strap around my neck, bouncing up and off my small chest as i pushed through the people. "no manners." a women scoffed above ms. the comment rolled off my back, i knew i had manners, mom and papa made sure of that. but i was just to excited to get more pictures to use proper manners. my lips spread into a happy, toothy smile when i squeezed yourself to the front.

bringing the camera to my eyes i snapped shots of everything. one float had all the reindeer dancing around to music, another had a fat santa perched on top with elves waving to all the people. i also got the pictures of a marching band, a baton flyer waved at me making my childish heart jump with excitement. i was getting pictures of random strangers not knowing if they wanted me to take their picture or not. my little feet spun around with the camera still glued to my eye socket when my lens stopped on a boy around my age. he was already glaring at me with straight lips.

i could tell he disapproved of my actions. he was wearing a thin jumper and straight black pants with his hands stuffed into the pockets. i lowered my camera after i got a picture of the mean boy. a flash letting him know caused him to deepen his scowl at ms. his feet made a direct b-line to me making my nerves spread all over. he took three large steps towards me before another boy around our age grabbed his upper arm. he was telling something to mean boy who had his eyes trained on
me. i felt the nerves disappear when he began walking backwards, a triumphant smile plastered to my face. flicking my tongue out at him before walking back to my parents only seemed to infuriate the boy more as he copied my antics.

i spun on the heels of me feet, the yellow galoshes making trails in the light snow that covered the ground. i didn't seem to notice the lack of people the more i drew closer to the small cafe, too wrapped up in looking at my recently shot pictures. only when a small shriek hit my ears i stopped walking and looked up. i was frozen from confusion and fear. there in front of me was a man with a small black gun in his hand, it had a long piece attached to the exit hole, and it was pointed at my mom. my eyes slowly looked down as i noticed a deep red pool making its way around the mans feet.

"papa.." my voice piped out seeing his lifeless body. the thick red was coming from him and i felt my mouth run dry. "daddy.." i felt wetness falling from my eyes, my feet now uncontrollably moving forward. the man noticed me and his eyes widened at the sight of my features. "you filthy whore." his chuckle was husky and scary. dragging my eyes away from the sight of my murdered father i looked up at the man. he had a pony tale and dark creases all over his face. he didn't have an english accent like everyone else, i picked up on the fact he was american. i felt numb as the tears soaked my face now.

"mommy," i called out for her, wanting nothing more than to be in her arms, clinging onto the sweater sleeve again. the man chuckled again and started to point the gun at me, stopping only when mom shouted. "no!" tears flew from her crystal eyes. "mark don't do this! please!" she pleaded at this scary man. "this is the spawn of that shit nosed chirstopher, she deserves the same fate." he licked his teeth then met my moms eyes. "the same fate that awaits you, wifey." his words confused me more. i started to shake violently, panic washing over my face as i stared intently at my mother.

silence filled the air, the smell of pennies hitting all my senses. it was so silent i could hear my heart beat clear as day. "let her go. take me. please! she's innocent-" my mom was cut off by the gun smacking her across the forehead. i wanted to scream but i couldn't, fear paralyzed me. it was like a bad dream, i couldn't hear anymore the only noise was a sharp ringing. i stared at my mother as she shouted at me but i couldn't hear her. i read her lips and felt the world stop. the ringing got louder when her body jolted and her head fell to the floor. and in a flash my feet listened to mothers last word to me and took me away from the scene.

i didn't know if he was following me, i didn't care i just wanted to keep running. and i did. i ran until my feet started to bleed, making me collapse into the middle of a busy street.

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