Wounded Hearts Will Conquer

Chapter 16 - New Beginnings

Chapter 16
Bailey
New Beginnings

”Sweetie, what’s the matter? I heard shouting,” my mother urged, letting herself into my bedroom, unannounced.

”I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Can you just leave now?” I sniffed. My face was pushed against my pillow as I clutched it tightly in my hands. My hair was matted to my face and skinny red strands kept getting trapped in between my lashes. I’m also pretty positive that my face was as red as a tomato.

I felt the bed sink next to me and still didn’t make a move to look at her. I wished she would go back to being the inattentive mother she was just yesterday. I really wasn’t up to talking to anyone right now.

”Bailey, what happened?” she sighed. I felt her hesitantly touch my back, before she placed her hand fully onto my back. It was like she was questioning whether or not it was the right, motherly thing to do.

”I said I don’t want,” I snapped, but she cut me off.

”I do not care,” she simply stated. “Your noise woke me up at three in the morning and I’m going to find out what it was.”

I moved my face from the pillow and looked up at her through tear stained lashes. “You wouldn’t understand,” I said, keeping firm eye contact with her. She couldn’t just pick and choose when to become a parent. Life didn’t work that way.

”I’m trying to,” she pushed, tentatively moving a piece of hair from my eyesight. I eyed her carefully, trying to decipher what was actually going on here. She was never this doting before and I wasn’t sure how to handle it all right now.

”You’re choosing now to try and make things better?” I questioned, raising a thin eyebrow. I sat up in bed a little, readying myself for this conversation.

”Well…yes. I wasn’t sure how to…well how to approach this topic Bailey. It’s not that easy,” she said slowly.

”It wouldn’t have been this hard if you didn’t make it this way,” I deadpanned.

She sighed heavily and ran a hand through her long blonde locks. It was the only time of day anyone would see her without her hair tied up in a too tight bun on the top of her head. She let the locks fall for bedtime and that was all.

”I know. You’re father and I talked about a lot of things that have been worrying him. You were the first thing he spoke to me about.”

I stared blankly at her, confused. My dad was definitely not the type of man to stick up for himself when it came to my mother. He always felt it best to steer clear of the arguments and just give her what she wanted. The fact that he was the one who approached her completely shocked me.

”Dad talked to you…about me?” I questioned while my brain tried to wrap itself around the idea of my dad actually sticking up for himself. What was with everyone surprising the hell out of me tonight?

”Yes he did. And I wanted to apologize for how I’ve been neglecting you since…” she trailed off, looking behind me. Her eyes met my bedside table where the picture of Lanie and I was sat. I was twelve and Lanie was sixteen in the picture, and she was sporting a pink and silver tiara for her birthday party. My mother’s eyes brimmed with tears as she looked on.

”Since she died,” I sighed, letting out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding.

She merely nodded at me and wiped quickly at her cheeks before continuing. “I didn’t mean for things to become this…terrible, Bailey. I’m sorry for being so cruel to you,” she cried. The waterworks were in full force now and I found myself tearing up just watching it unfold before me.

”It’s okay, mom,” I said, lying my hand on top of hers. She gripped it with her other hand as she cried.

”It’s not,” she choked. “I should have fixed this sooner. Everything around us was just crumbling and I was too wrapped up in…”

”Can you at least say her name for once?” I urged, feeling traitor tears start to caress my cheeks.

“I miss her, you know?” she continued, completely bypassing my question. I only let her off the hook because I was curious as to what else she was going to open up to me about. It was so much emotion to deal with for one night that I didn’t know if I could handle anymore bearing of hearts.

”I do too,” I choked. She squeezed my hand briefly before moving on.

”I promise you,” she said, eyeing me carefully to make sure she had my full attention. “I promise you that I will fix this, sweetie. I will do it.”

I could only nod at the sincerity in her voice and smile briefly. She opened up her arms for a hug and I gladly complied. It was the first time we had showed any such emotion to each other since before Lanie’s news of the cancer spreading and I was relishing in the familiar feeling. I had missed this side of my mother so much that I didn’t want to let go. I was afraid this would be the last time again, and she would return back to being the completely self-centered mother she had been for the past two years.