Wounded Hearts Will Conquer

Chapter 9 - Questioning Fate

Chapter 9
Bailey
Questioning Fate

I hadn’t faltered the smile on my face all day long. It was amazing how one person could completely turn your day around with a few simple words or a simple question. Maybe Lanie had finally listened to me after all, and things might actually begin to fall back together.

I twirled around in my room, listening to some new rock band on the radio, and flipped through the many outfits squished together in my closet, trying to find something not too subtle, but not too slutty either. I didn’t know the type of girls Evan liked, and I didn’t want to turn his thoughts in the opposite direction.

”Thanks for this, Lane,” I whispered, looking up at the ceiling, trying to talk to her again. “I knew you would help me out somehow,” I smiled.

I finally settled on a white, above the knee, stitched dress, with a bow to tie the middle. I sat in front of my mirror, applying a layer of mascara, and light shade of foundation, perfecting my skin. I was laying low on the makeup, as I curled my light red hair in loose ringlets to frame my face. I’ve never had an actual date like this before. Sure, there were boys that I had hooked up with at parties when Lanie was around. But, ever since she died, I hadn’t gotten out much, aside from my job at the theatre, and Dad’s concert. This left little room for boys and dates.

I didn’t want to say that I was anti-social in anyway, I just wasn’t up for making new friends at this point. I was going away to university soon, and I didn’t want attachments to keep me behind. But, the part I knew was creeping up was telling me that the only reason why I really wasn’t out much anymore was because I did it to myself. I pushed all of my friends away after Lanie passed, because I couldn’t handle all of the pitying looks anymore. Who wants to be stared at like some worthless sad puppy all the time?

I sure didn’t.

It also was based around the fact that Lanie made most of my friends for me. Everyone I knew, she introduced me to. She was always popular in school, and knew every person in every grade. The boys drooled over her and the girls wanted to be her. She wasn’t one to have a new boyfriend every week, more like every year. But as soon as she broke up with the old guy, a new one would swoop in and fall to her feet. It was like she had this power over the people around her and that no one could understand. If she smiled, giggled, or even flipped her over her shoulder, she had grabbed someone’s attention and kept them at her reach for as long as she needed to.

I, on the other hand, was too shy to start up a conversation on my own, and boys would barely even look in my direction when I walked down the hallways at school. In the beginning years of high school, I wore glasses and had frizzy hair, with unattractive freckles lining my cheeks. All of this was before I discovered hair products and makeup, but that still didn’t seem like enough to impress everyone like Lanie did. I was the complete opposite of my sister. And I was always left feeling like I could never measure up to her.

My best friends were even friends with her before they were with me. They weren’t close like we were, but she practically knew everyone so it was a given. When she went away to college, she left them behind because they were in my grade and I was left with three new best friends, Annabelle, Maisey and Lily. We’d go to parties together, shop together, and have movie nights and long heart to hearts at sleepovers. We were inseparable. But, when she died, I didn’t know how to cope. So I stopped answering messages, phone calls, and knocks at the door, just to make it all go away.

They didn’t take my ignoring them too well and I was often called a self-centered bitch by them, or so I was told by the numerous whispers around me at school. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. I was trying to protect my own well being. That may have been selfish, but I was putting my own feelings aside for years, and it was time for me to step up to the plate now that Lanie was gone. I couldn’t stand to be around people anymore.

What was the point in being close to someone when they would be taken away from you sooner or later?

I didn’t want attachments before going away, but somehow Evan made me think differently. I didn’t know how this was going to go. We could end up as friends for all I knew. I just knew that I was finally comfortable around someone other than Lanie in silence, and this was all new to me.

I didn’t know what it was about Evan, but I felt drawn to him in the weirdest, most oddly comforting way a person could be. Even though we were almost strangers, it was like a certain pull had made me want to know him more. The only thing I was unsure about was letting him in on my own life. I wasn’t too keen on letting someone else in, especially when it came to Lanie.

I never did, and still don’t like crying or letting my emotions out to other people. It felt like I was losing my wall that I had taken so long to build up when it came to confronting others. I didn’t like drama, or hysterics, and if I really needed to unload, Lanie was always there, with open ears, ready to let me have it.

Now, with Lanie gone, I didn’t feel comfortable letting anyone else in. What if something happened to them? What if they didn’t like the real me, and decided to just up and leave me when I needed them the most? I couldn’t handle anymore goodbyes.

I hadn’t told my parents where I was going, because we hadn’t spoken to each other ever since the fight in the kitchen. My Dad was whipped to the biggest degree, and my mother was the pure definition of a bitch. She was up in her bed, reading some type of book on law and regulations, and Dad was in his study, strumming away on his guitar. They wouldn’t even notice if I was gone for two days, let alone a few hours. At this point, I couldn’t wait to be away at university, living my own life, without feeling like I was a big burden on everyone in this house.

So, I quietly picked up my heels and tip-toed down the plush stairs, and lightly shut the door behind me. I slipped on my black heels and got to my car, pulling out of the driveway as quietly as possible. I couldn’t fight the smile on my face as I made my way down the street, towards the backyard of the theatre where I was supposed to meet rooftop boy.

I don’t know what it was, but I was finally feeling wanted in a way. Someone actually wanted to spend time with me, listen to what I had to say. I didn’t feel like I was burdening him, because I hadn’t asked for the date, he had. After I reached the parking lot, I made sure to lock my car door, walking through the dark night towards the beautiful backyard of the theatre, taking a seat in the white, plastic porch chair, and looked up at the stars. I didn’t want to lie down in the grass in a white dress, but I did the second best thing that brought me close to Lanie.

I was relaxed, up until the point where I checked my phone and it said that it was quarter after ten, and I had been sitting here for over an hour. I tried to push down the hurt that I knew was bubbling in my stomach, knowing I’d been stood up. Maybe, I wasn’t as wanted as I thought.

I didn’t let myself over think the matter, and I just kept my eyes fixated on the stars above me. I was silently crossing my fingers that this wouldn’t be a bust, and everything was going to turn out okay for once. I could give it a little time, I could wait it out. Everything was going to be okay.

I gave it another twenty minutes, and when I hadn’t even heard the slightest noise of a car pulling up out front, I picked up my bag and searched for my keys. I rapidly wiped under my eyes, trying not to smudge the makeup I had on. It wasn’t like it mattered at this point anyway; no one was here to see it.

Then I heard a gruff boy’s voice and stopped dead in the midst of my hands in my bag.

”Bailey!” I heard him yell. “Oh, Bailey!” he wailed. No he wasn’t…

”Evan?” I asked, getting up from my seat. I watched the corner of the building, waiting for him to turn around the way. My eyes widened as I took him in. He was walking sloppily around the corner, with his leather jacket slightly hanging off of one shoulder. He had on a light blue t-shirt with noticeable wet stains printed on the front, and jeans without a belt, making his pants sag a little. His usually nicely styled black hair was in a messy heap on top of his head, some of it getting in his eyes.
 
”Heyyyy,” he slurred, blowing up at the little piece of hair in his eye. He giggled slightly as the hair blew up, but unsuccessfully fell back into his eyes. “I’m here!” he bellowed, throwing his hands unsteadily up in the air.

I couldn’t walk any closer and stood in the same spot I began with, in front of the chair and table, waiting for him to come closer. He couldn’t be drunk. This just didn’t need to happen right now.

He wobbled over to me, almost tripping over his own footing. He giggled a little at himself again, before catching on and pulling himself back up. “So what’s up?” he said, swaying a little. Before he fell to his side again, I pulled him up and steadied him by his arms.

”Are you drunk?” I asked, already knowing my answer. He reeked of alcohol, and I had to turn my head away slightly when he opened his mouth to answer me.

”Mm, nope!” he laughed. “Don’t think so,” he pondered for a moment, putting a finger to his chin sloppily.

”I think you are,” I sighed. He almost fell again and I walked him over to the grass expansion, before he smacked his head on the concrete below us. I let him go and he slammed his butt on the grass and lied back. I stood over him, watching him as he blinked slowly, staring up at the stars. I was filled with so many different emotions in that moment, that I didn’t know how to handle myself, or even Evan for that matter. I was hurt, angry, confused, and scared as to how he even ended up here being the drunken mess that he was.

”Sit,” he exclaimed, patting the area of grass next to him. I shook my head at him, at a loss for words. He pouted, his plump lower lip protruding more.

”I can’t believe this,” I sighed to myself, looking up at the sky.

”I suck, don’t I?” he laughed at himself, throwing a muscled arm over his eyes.

”You do,” I agreed. I crossed my arms over my chest, not really bothered by the light breeze forming around us. It calmed me down, but only a little. I silently prayed that those pesky tears wouldn’t betray me and show how hurt I was. He actually needed to be drunk to go on a date with me. That must make a person feel so special.

”Are you crying?” he asked, his voice light. I sighed again, hating that I let a few reach my lids. I wiped quickly at them, and shook my head. I didn’t dare meet his glazed over eyes, and kept fixed up at the stars above us.

”I’m sorry,” he pouted again. “I fuck up too much,” he noted, shaking his head.

”It’s fine,” I breathed, not trusting my voice at a normal level. “I think I’m going to go.”

I wasn’t about to make him my responsibility. We didn’t know each other well, and we didn’t even count as friends. At this point, I didn’t even want a friendship with this asshole. Who asks a girl on a date, only to show up drunk and partially incoherent? Was there a point to that?

”No,” he whimpered. Without getting up, he reached his hand up in a ‘come back’ motion. I looked down at him, shaking my head.

”How did you even get here?” I asked, crossing my arms again.

”Drove,” he stated simply, like it wasn’t a big deal in his condition.

”You’re kidding me right?!” I shouted at him. He winced, closing his eyes.

”Sh, Bailey. Don’t scream,” he said, waving his hands.

”How the hell did you drive like that?” I asked, my voice not losing its tone.

He gave me a drunken smile like he was proud. “I’m an awesome drunk driver.”

I rolled my eyes, getting too fed up with him at this point. I don’t why I felt so drawn to him. Right now, I could care less if I ever saw him again.

”I’m leaving, Evan,” I stated, shaking my head, throwing my hands down in frustration.

”No!” he called to me, but I didn’t stop this time. When he watched me retreating further away from him, I heard him yell. “God, I’m such a fuck up! Ever since you died, Dad, I can’t do anything right anymore,” he growled, throwing his hands over his eyes. I stopped dead in my tracks, turning around slowly. His Dad died?

”Why’d you have to go and die on me, huh? You couldn’t wait till you were old and shit to leave me? I might have handled it better!” he shouted towards the sky. He must have thought I left, because he kept yelling up at the sky, like I always did when talking to Lanie. He wasn’t talking to me at all.

”Leave me with all the responsibilities! Good idea, Dad! You didn’t even meet Greg,” he cried out, rubbing his fists viciously over his eyes. I watched with wide eyes at the confession spilling from his lips.

It all started to add up to me. This was why he froze up when I asked about him being a firefighter’s son, why when they talked about him in the speech, he was nowhere to be seen. This was why he had a foundation in his name. 

I walked over to him slowly, discarding my heels on the pavement and sinking my feet into the plush grass beneath me. I didn’t care about my dress, or how dirty I knew it was going to get if I sat on the grass for too long. I sunk down next to Evan, who was still shouting up at the sky. I noticed how his voice cracked slightly, the more confessions that left his lips.

”Why’d you do that, Dad? Why didn’t you stay?” he pleaded, his voice becoming rougher and more cracked as he continued. He rubbed his eyes roughly again, and it looked like he was trying to keep the tears away. He was completely breaking down in front of me, and I didn’t know what to do. I just felt my heart breaking into pieces as I watched this perfect looking guy crumble next to me. How long had he been keeping this stuff in?

”Evan,” I said, tentatively. I put my hand over one of his that was still rubbing at his face. He took it away from his eyes and looked up at me, eyes still glazed over and slightly watery. They were red rimmed and puffy and he looked like he was in so much pain in that moment. I just intertwined my fingers with his and lied back, staring up at the stars with him.

”Why did he have to leave so damn early?” he choked. “Who does that!”

”It’s out of our hands. It happens to so many other people. They think they should stay, but it’s not up to us,” I said softly, still holding onto his hand. We didn’t look at each other as we spoke, just kept staring up at the dark sky above us.

”That’s so fucked up,” he scoffed, shaking his head back and forth. “Who could take away someone who was so young and had so much life left to live?”

”Fate’s an asshole,” I stated, knowing exactly how he felt. When Lanie died, I always kept questioning why someone could be taking away a person who was so young. Some people were still so young, or so genuine, or so kind. Why take away the good in this world? What good did that do for the world? Their families needed them. Kids needed their parents. Parents needed their children. Even parents still needed their parents. It was all apart of life, but not a part of life that I liked at all. What was the point of putting someone in your life, only to take them away not too long after?

He laughed slightly, still in his drunken state. “No shit,” he said. “My little brother needs his Dad,” he exclaimed simply. “I’m not good enough to be his Dad, no matter what I do.”

It was so strange to me how I barely knew this boy and he was baring his soul to me. He knew nothing about me, or I him. Maybe it was the alcohol making him warm up to me more. Maybe he was too tired to put a wall around anyone anymore. All I knew was that I wasn’t going to leave him here like this. He obviously needed someone to let it all out to, even if he did regret it in the morning.

”You’re really nice, you know that,” he screeched, his tone sounding slightly baby-fied.  “No one ever really listens to me, ‘cept my Mom.”

”You’re…welcome?” I questioned, smiling lightly at him. I was guessing that the heart to heart was over and the silly drunk boy was back beneath the barrier.

”And you’re really pretty, too,” he screeched again, throwing an arm over his eyes.

I only smiled in response, looking over at his hiding face.

”Your friend is hot though,” he slurred. “The one at the bar…” he mumbled.

”Leslie…?” I questioned, feeling my heart skip a beat.

”Yeah, that blonde one,” he pointed a sloppy finger back towards the building behind us. “You should set me up with her!” he gasped, looking over at me with playful eyes.

I felt bad butterflies make their way into my stomach as I replayed what he said in my head. I don’t know why it hurt, I didn’t know him. I think I was expecting too much from someone who was a stranger. It didn’t matter that he found comfort in confiding in me. He probably wasn’t going to remember this come morning, and I shouldn’t be over-thinking everything all the time.

”Will do,” I sighed, letting my fingers slip from his.

I stayed there, looking up at the stars, wishing again that Lanie was here. She would tell me to stop over-thinking everything and just be friends with the guy. She would say to stop being such a baby, in a joking way of course, and let things be. She always seemed to be an expert in fate, except when it came to her life being in the hands of it.

It was only a few minutes later that I heard Evan snore lightly, lying on his back still. He was winding down from all the alcohol and I was winding down from the hundreds of emotions playing around in my mind.

It wasn’t that long later that I felt myself drifting off as well, next to the odd guy next to me, in the grassy expansion behind the theatre.

Life works in mysterious ways, I guess.