MOTORBIKE // LAshton

Chapter 8

"What?" Van said. "Wait, what? What the fuck, Joshua!? You can't just say that you're gay and-,"

"It's true!" He yelled back before looking back at me but I have no words at all. I'm speechless. "I like you, Ashton. I really like you. Ever since freshman, I've been looking at you and... and you always inspired me-,"

"He isn't gay, Joshua," Van interrupted his little speech. He shook his head in disbelief before turned at him. "You can't just admit yourself that you're gay and say that you like my friend. That's... that's just not how it works,"

"You said we should have a deep conversation and I did-,"

"Not in that way, Josh," this time Yola joined with a small frown. "I mean, sure, you can tell us that you're gay. But liking Ashton? That wasn't suppose to happen,"

"You told us you like Adam! What's wrong with me liking Ashton!?" Joshua shouted. "What's the difference? Why are you guys like this? What's the problem of me wanting to confess my love for Ashton? It's not like I directly ask him out on a date-,"

"Because he isn't gay, Joshua," my eyes widen when I heard Luke finally let out his voice. I slowly glanced at him who still have his arm behind my back and a cigarette on his right hand.

I felt my heart sinked in to the deepest ocean. Other than being speechless, I'm truly hurt by his words. I have no other thing to say than look at him in disappointment. He didn't see that because he is fucking blind! I know he wanted to defend me but he's wrong. He doesn't know a single damn about me and now he act all mighty because we're close. I'm sorry, hun, that isn't how it works.

Luke gave me a reassured grip on my left shoulder which made me looked back to Joshua who looked at my friend with a disbelief expression. I have no idea what to say. I don't know whether I want to talk about Joshua likes me or Luke thought I'm not gay which I am and he's damn wrong. Van is also wrong but Luke is the person I want to blame because he's the boy whom I like.

Luke gave him a stern look before sighed. "Look, I respect you for being... gay. But that doesn't mean you can date Ashton because of that,"

"Luke Hemmings, I didn't directly ask him out," Joshua defended himself. "What's the matter with you all?"

"But still, it isn't right for you to say that," Luke said.

Van nodded. "Luke's right,"

"Oh, god. Shut up, Van," Yola whispered as she stepped on his shoes which made him shut up.

"Okay, fine. I can't say that," Joshua raised his hands up for a defense. "You guys have voices for him, why can't Ashton say it himself? Hmm? Why can't he say a word? Let him say something,"

"That's a peer pressure. You know damn well you can't do that," Luke softly say that and I'm still speechless. Shocked even.

"Why not? It isn't a crime. You should let Ashton say and let out his own voice," Joshua challenged all of us.

"You know what, let him say a word. From the moment I saw him at Aaron's, I already hate him," Van glared at him and he isn't lying at what he said. When he hates a person, he'a going to hate them for the rest of his lives.

Everyone turned at me which made me sinked on my seat. I was too afraid to see Luke at this moment, I kept on looking at Van with a surprised look. Even if Joshua's right, I still can't believe that Van would just agree to let me say a word to him. I really want to say something but I was too shocked. All my energy was drained because of how surprised I was.

I never realized Joshua would like me, especially when we never say a word more than two or four words. I never even see him, he's just that other kid in class who I never talk to. Since when I ever made him like me to the point he confessed his love to me? okay, but I still like the fact that he only admitted his feelings to me without asking me out on that very moment. I think that's a good part after the confession.

"Ashton?" I was too quick to turn at Luke who called me. My face turned red when I saw that clear blue eyes. He gave me a reassured smile but he'll never know that it fill back all my strength. "You have to say something now,"

I slightly nodded before slowly turn my head to Joshua. Ugh, I'd rather stare at Luke all day then answer his stupid confession who never have a chemistry at one another. I really wanted to ask why does he like me in the first place but that only makes me feel more cringe than ever so I decided to against it.

"I... uhh...," my heart is beating so loud, I'm very nervous. Never once in my life, someone would confessed their feelings to me face to face. Especially to someone who I never even speak to.

"Come on, Ash. It's okay," Yola whispered as she gave me a light squeeze on my arm.

I nodded before look back to him. "I'm sorry, Josh. I... I don't... I'm not like you,"

From where I'm sitting, I can see a hint of a broken heart in his eyes. His eyes slowly soften when I said that but I can see from his expression that he was hurt. He wasn't upset though, he was just sad. Man, how would you feel if you got rejected by your crush in front of your face?

Is this how Tasha felt when she asked Luke out? What was her face like when he told her that he wasn't looking for someone? There must be some pure pain inside of that pretty heart of hers. Joshua would've felt the same. No matter how I hard I am to try and find the softest words to reject his love slowly, it'll hurt him 'till the core. You should've seen his face. That face were written pain all over his face and I don't want to be the one who's responsible for that.

"Just like what Luke said earlier, I respect you that you're gay...," I started again before biting my lip, slightly imagining myself how it feels like being rejected by Luke if one day I ever confess my love for him like what Joshua did to me. "I'm... I'm not like you. I'm not... I'm not gay,"

"You listen to that, fucker? Ashton said he isn't gay," Van said which made it worst. "Gucci gang, my friend,"

"Oh," was all he said before leaning back to his seat. "I understand,"

"I hope you'll find someone who... who have the same opinion as you," I legit want to bang my head on this table right now. Why would I say that when I'm exactly on the same opinion as him?

Not long after that, Luke say, "he told me that he isn't looking for a relationship as well so... it's obvious he's going to say that, Josh,"

"That's my man," Van grinned at me and I just nod at him before look down to my palms. I hope I could win an oscar for the best liar ever some day.

"Alright, I understand. I'm sorry," Joshua finally took in. "At the end of the day, I've already told you that I like you. Ashton, I hope you'll be happy when you found that perfect someone,"

Dude, amen to that. Because that person is right beside me right now.

"Thanks, man," I smiled at him.

Suddenly, he got up and grab his bag. "I should get going. It's already too awkward for me to continue. It's getting really late too,"

"See you at school, Josh," Yola frowned.

Finally, it was only the three of us. Because of that, none of us speak anything - just Luke finishing his cigar. I glanced at him and he seemed to be in the bad mood so I don't want to say anything to make it worst than it already is.

"That went well," Van said sarcastically. "Not just Luke rejected Tasha, Ashton rejected Joshua too. And he's... gay,"

"I'm not against it though but it's still weird," Yola admitted. "I never face this problem before so I don't know what to do,"

I guess she's right. None of us ever got in this situation before, let alone trying into it. Soon enough, Luke said he was tired and I frowned when he said goodbye to us and drove away. Yola did the same not long after that. I had to drop Van first before going home.

It was a good night at first, but that accident happened and somehow everything isn't right. I feel terrible for doing that but I can't force myself to like him, I like Luke first so I can't do that. I don't think I can move on from that attractive blue eyed boy anytime soon. I still like the fact that he defended me, but how broken my heart was when he told him that I wasn't gay.

How can he easily say that? How can he be so confident that I wasn't gay? That I wasn't looking for someone? The person that I want is him! Why can't he see that?

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